How do I know if I am ugly, physically unattractive? how do I know if my looks are a problem? I'm 22, almost

23 and never had a girlfriend before, never dated or been in a relationship, obviously still a virgin, many people will say it's an attitude-thing, I have the wrong attitude, personality or little or no confidence, well I've approached many girls and have asked them out before, but they have all rejected me. So why should I believe my looks are playing a very little part in this? I thought looks is what attracts the people in the first place, and the personality keeps them together?

I obviously talk to them and get to know them at first, but for me the hardest part is how long specifically should I get to know a girl, talk to her before asking her out? I don't want to do it too soon and I don't want to do it too late
People say all the time that I should never settle, but doesn't lowering your standards mean you are settling? so I'm confused about this, also, why was I not born knowing how to approach and talk to girls correctly, confidently meanwhile for most other guys it is common sense for them, seriously, why and how do most guys become extremely comfortable and confident knowing how to approach and talk to girls from an early age while others struggle? what causes guys to be different like that?
seriously, why is it that so many 15 and 16 year old guys naturally, instinctively know how to approach and talk to girls, it's like they always had "Game" in them


Most Helpful Guy

  • probably its your standards


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What Girls Said 4

  • Obviously, you are your worst critic.

    Maybe you should try and get an idea of what "beauty" is. Not necessarily models, but just see what features seem to be well liked and really look at yours. Google it if you want!

    Eg, (I don't think I'm pretty for the record) I have very little, delicate, defined features, and big open eyes.

    Try and find something you like about yourself and work on the thing you don't like.

    And maybe you just haven't met the right girl.

    • @update, nobody is born knowing.

      I used to be really fat, shy, scared, bullied, I never spoke my true mind. I lost weight due to bullying, but I'm so proud I did now because I met an amazing person who was also incredibly shy because he's underweight! But if I hadn't gained confidence from losing weight, I doubt we'd ever have met. It's something you have to learn if it's not natural, but it can happen. Besides. I think shy guys are cute.

    • the hardest part is I always easily run out of things to talk about with girls, too many awkward pauses, silences in conversation

  • your standards could be too high

  • I def go for personality more than anything. when a guy is confident and funny it makes me so much attracted to him. I think if you had a better attitude you would be able to get a girlfriend and see that looks only matter so much

    • how is that accurate?

    • Show All
    • yeah well people always argue that guys are more visual, more shallow

    • i mean some are, but I tend to stray from grouping everyone together. but nothing pisses me off more when people always say blondes are all dumb, or some other stupid thing like that lol

  • maybe you're standards are too high and you're asking out the wrong people? you're probably not that unattractive, you just need to ask out the right person. confidence is a big key and if you ignore that than that doesn't help you're case.

    but honestly, if you think you're unattractive than fix it, don't whine about it. and also, I believe for every person, they attract a person of equal likeliness. in fact, it's scientifically proven that uglier people mate with uglier and prettier mate with prettier. not to be harsh, but its true.


What Guys Said 4

  • You may just be asking out women when they don't know you. Some won't accept a date from a guy that they have just met. It also depends on how you approach and your attitude when you approach.

  • i guess people are too afraid to say the cold harsh truth

  • There's a difference between unrealistic standards and lowering your standards.

  • I hope you didn't just go up to them and ask them out cause that would be super awkward. If you did that then that could easily be the reason. You've gotta actually talk to them first, get to know them a bit, establish the fact that you're an interesting person to talk to, and then ask for their number or something.

    Also, like the anon girl said, if you just went for the hot ones that could be it. Don't shoot too high. It's okay sometimes but you've gotta go for not just the hot ones but the ones who aren't so hot either.

    • @Update: I'd say talk to them, make sure it's a comfortable conversation and not an awkward one where she doesn't seem very interested, and then after a while say you have to go but you'd like to get together with her sometime and ask for her number. Then just call her sometime and ask her out somewhere. Like you said, too soon is bad - she needs to know that she'll have a good time with you when you hang out. Too late isn't as bad but get her number first while you have the chance!

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    • really it is? okay, what makes a guy creepy specifically and how to avoid being creepy?

    • Definitely!

      Um, it gets creepy if you keep pestering someone who clearly isn't interested in you. Just be casual, lighthearted, and polite when you introduce yourself to women, and if they try to shrug you off, then accept it and move on (most of the time, when you approach someone new, you'll get rejected, so what you've gotta do is just approach a lot of women). Also, don't stare at them a few minutes before you get the courage to talk to them haha, cause if they notice... CREEPY :P