Do guys respect me or am I just unattractive?

I'm not posting a picture because I'm not asking for compliments...

but OK. I'm a quiet person. humble and laid back. but I can be dorky and funny too. I'm a pretty cool person.

well, when I was in middle school, I had many friends. girl and guy friends. when we would hang out during lunch or something, or after school, I noticed that the guys treated some of my friends differently. they played around with me and everything. we would argue or just talk or joke around. but with some of my friends, they would flirt, I think. they would touch them. like smack their butt, or grab their legs. or my friend would sit in their laps. (I know! sounds slutty). but the guys never treated me that way. not that I want to be grabbed. that would piss me off. but the guys didn't act with me like that. even this friend who I later found out had feelings for me wouldn't touch me inappropriately. he would just hang around me a lot.

and in high school, I noticed the same thing. I had a friend who hung out with many guys and I didn't know this but a girl I know said that one of my friend's guy friends confused her with my friend and he grabbed her ass when he hugged her. I didn't know she got along with guys like that. no wonder I saw many of her friends grabbing her legs and acting all weird.

and I see this a lot actually. that many girls with guy friends get along that way. that the guys grab their butts and legs and act all flirty and weird. but with me, the guys don't do that. they talk to me like normal, and we joke around and stuff but they don't grab me like those other girls.

so is this normal behavior? would I be unattractive then? or am I respectable or something? like I said, I don't want to be treated that way either. I would hate to be grabbed but it really makes me wonder whether this means I'm ugly? I don't think I'm that ugly. I'm OK. people tell me I'm cute and stuff. so I guess I can't be that ugly.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Chances are your body language warns the guys off. I'm much the same way, guy friends that will tease and grab other girls won't ever try with me. It is a sign of respect but it can also mean you are intimidating. You don't want to be treated that way and your body language and actions announce that without you ever saying anything.

    It doesn't mean you are not attractive. You can try to make yourself more approachable but it's not a bad thing. In fact, it's highly helpful when you go to a bar... no need to worry about random guys grabbing you. Body language is really useful once you figure out what you are doing.

    • Intimidating?

      Like I might seem mean or something?

      Oh. This might also explain why guys rarely come up to me. I see guys looking at me or smiling at me but they never come and talk to me.

    • Show All
    • No problem :D

      Yeah I have become a bit more friendly and open but I still don't permit guys to touch me inappropriately. More guys talk to me so it helped a lot. :D

    • That's great! Happy for you :)

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • I'm sure you are beautiful, and you have nothing to worry about. Some people have an aura about them that says "You can't touch me."

    Others don't. It just works that way with some people, maybe that is your situation.

    • I agree, everyone gives off different vibes! : )

    • Show All
    • oh. interesting.

      i think you're right. my former friends didn't really seem to have those kind of vibes. they seemed a lot different than me. now I know why. :D

    • I'm available through message on here if its ever something you're apprehensive about putting out in the open.

  • It really could be either. Either they're not interested, or you're sending a 'don't touch me' vibe.

    • Well I never wanted those guys to be interested in me. They were my friends and I wanted it to stay that way.

      But yeah I think I might also send the don't touch me vibes. I'm a shy and quiet person and I don't act flirty or anything. I also don't grab other people like that. I find that disrespectful.

      Idk if this helps but I've been told I look so innocent and a bit naive. I don't know if that plays a part in this too.

  • Depends.. my ex didn't have the best body in the world, in fact for a girl I could have done a lot better but she had a gorgeous face and an awesome personality, until she started od'ing on adderal and she acted completely different.

  • If you are attractive then lots of guys would like to grab you, but you likely don't come off as the kind of girl that would be okay with that most guys are not going to just start groping you.

    This whole thing kinda sucks for guys and girls. If we treat a woman one way then we are accused of not respecting her, and if we treat her the way we are told to, then she doesn't think we like her. Society just needs to chill a little.

    There is no one right way to treat a guy or girl. Everyone is a little different, and requires a different approach. If we make a mistake with someone, we should just be able to say we are sorry and then not do it to that person again, and move on.


What Girls Said 1

  • It is possible that you give them vibes that you don't want them to do that, and that it is not OK for them to do that to you. You could be very intimidating, and they might actually find you very attractive and that is why they are scared to do anything like that to you. Personally, I think it is a good thing that they aren't doing that to you, it is so much more respectful! : )

    • yeah I think you're right.

      i've noticed some guys get nervous around me.

      and its good I wasn't considered a slut. that guy who was grabbing my friend in high school and my friend stopped being friends once he got a girlfriend. and my friend ended up being such a bitch to him. but since I stayed out of it and minded my own business, I became friends with him at the end of high school. he just didn't talk to my friend though. it feels nice to be respected. :D

    • Yup! I agree! : )