Why is it so hard for people NOT to be shallow?

No offense but I live in a town full of military guys and MOST of them wouldn't even dare look at a girl above a size 6 and other regular guys in my town too. My city is full of guys who are very shallow and women! Don't get me wrong the women are shallow too. Me I date all kinds (well try too they all end up thinking there hot stuff) chunky, a crooked nose w.e it is I try! But most of the time even the ones that are a bit bigger or not as good looking end up as bad people and get a super hot person afterward. Makes me feel like I'm ugly or something when I know I'm not I think I'm above average but not super sexy but I'm confident not cocky. So why is it so hard for people not to be shallow? Insecurities maybe?

Im not saying I don't have my standards like they have to be decent body wise and looks wise but I'm not gna say ooo I want the biggest most athletic guy in the room with green eyes and black hair... nah


Most Helpful Guy

  • Well keep in mind that as long as men are unilaterally expected to make an approach, this will be the case. Why? You don't have personality traits floating above your head, but your physical appearance is available right away.

    Guys will either approach a girl they're physically attracted to, or they won't approach at all. A guy will date a girl he isn't all that physically attracted to if they were either already friends beforehand, or she did the approaching.

    But you can't expect guys to randomly pick out the least attractive girl in the crowd and ask her out on the off chance that she has a good enough personality to make up the difference. Especially in an area of the US with huge obesity problems. (I myself live in the Midwest, so it's about the same here.)

    It works a little differently for women, since women are more attracted to larger, more utilitarian men, and a bit of extra fat can actually help out with a big bear hug.

    What do these guys look like? Are they thin as well? If so, the mere preference for one's own body type is hardly shallow. And "shallow" itself is usually used by people insecure about their own appearance, so they can cast the blame on someone else.

    Men's standards haven't changed all that much, and originally, 80%+ of women met those standards, so the main focus was on personality. Now, thanks to the obesity epidemic, it's becoming the minority, even though men's standards have actually eased up.

    (In fact, you'll find a video on this site that states that women's standards for men are more strict and harder to achieve.)

    All the while, a lot of men still meet women's physical standards, so physical attraction hasn't really gotten in the way there.

    I'm not sure how the NC standards compare to Indiana standards, but what I'm talking about is a general case:

    -When the majority of the population is unfit, people will weed through the unfit ones and fight over the few who are fit.

    -When the majority of the population is fit, the body standards has already been met by most, which leaves room for more personal judgement.

    • Good answer! We men have a lot more on the line due to have to approach, so why would we bother with girls we don't find attractive?

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What Guys Said 9

  • I am ex military, and a fitness nut. (Now I am a truck driver, and am in better shape than most of the guys on my fleet.)

    I will give you the double edge:

    You have those that are shallow. They want someone that is a supermodel, but they themselves don't look the part. Personal experience: there was a woman that would not dare date a big guy. She only wanted "chisled hard abs and cute face". However, she was a size 18-22! That is shallow. She would not give a chubby guy a chance.

    Then, there are people that have preference, because their partner's health would adversely affect their own. Personal again: I am 5'5", 180 lbs, with a body fat percentage of about 14. Lift weights, exercises, trying to keep myself from being what I call myself, "lard ass" (note, that is a self reference, and in no way meant to be derogatory toward plus sized people.). Personally, I am not attracted to women that exceed 75% of my body weight, or more than 5'4" in height. So at. The highest end, 5'4" at 135 lbs. That is because it is viewed by me, that woman effectively controls her weight. More often than not, she probably goes to the gym or exercise as often as myself.

    Here is the conclusion:

    Some are just plain shallow. Others, like myself have a reason whereby our preferences are set. My reason is, I don't want to be the only one actively doing things to keep myself in shape. Moreover, I have reason to believe that a less active person would drag me down to a sedentary lifestyle, to which is intolerable. Not to mention, sex is a hell of a lot better if you are physically in shape.

    • Best answer!

    • Show All
    • Also, another point to my preference:

      Some would argue that, "Why don't you be the bigger man, and help the woman lose weight?"

      My personal experience is this: People that are overweight, are comfortable as they are, and don't want to lose weight. Why? Because they never motivated themselves to lose the weight. The old adage, "You can only take the horse to water" applies here. Therefore, unless she wants it, she don't. Otherwise, I deal with whom I have commonality with.

  • people who are shallow are compensating for their own flaws, they think that if they demand more than they deserve their flaws won't be seen, but unknown to them, their flaws get bigger, and they turn into idiots with a shallow mind,x

  • Do you actually mean shallow, or do you mean 'why do so many people find they are only attracted to average or slim partners?' Because that's quite different from being shallow.

  • On the dating scheme I'm shallow and I know it for a fact. I just don't think that something could exist if I'm just not attracted to them in the physical sense. Not to say I wouldn't throw someone a bone once in a while or entertain the thought but it wouldn't be a lasting thing.

    • Good luck being alone...

    • I don't get what's so wrong with what you said here. People on GaG tend to assume when answers like yours are posted, "attractive" means you're only interested in the top 15% of the female population.

    • There has to be a reasonable amount of attraction. That's all I'm saying really. This means if I was Belle, I would have never picked the Beast lol. If that means I'm shallow, so be it.

  • what's the benefit of not being shallow? Answer: finding a person you could potentially spend the rest of your life with. However, that isn't what guys are looking for at that age. They want flings.

    • your right then again good looks don't always last guys go bald at what 25-30 and up around here they start getting fat from not workin out all the time and yet they still want someone who they think is a super model type

  • It's Western civilization. Black guys love fat chicks, but Caucasians prefer women who are in shape. So you can either: A. Get in better shape if you feel it's necessary or B: try to guilt men into making them think it's awful to want a girl who's in shape, with nice legs, long hair, and big boobs. Which do you think will be more successful?

    • I am 60% black (although I don't identify myself racially) and would have to say you are DEAD F*CKING WRONG. Black men love women in general. However, due to obesity rates being higher among the African American populous, it is more widely accepted. However, in my case (and you can read my answer below), it is unacceptable, because I am a gym rat truck driver, that has weights in his rig, and refuse to be unfit. I refuse to date someone that is unfit. Know what you are talking about before

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    • don't worry about that dude he's a geek trying to be hard on girls ask guys...

    • FYI, my white friends, are all married to fat chicks. One of which has a "fat and ugly" wife. LOL

      Again, before you open your mouth, think! You sound ridiculous to me! Sound like a sissy boy that sits in front of his computer, jacking off to internet p*rn and can't get a woman, so he resorts to stereotyping and assumptions (Assume= making an Ass of You and Me...)

  • I guess living in a military town, and being military brings two different perspectives. EVERY friend I have in the army, all their wives are WELL above a size 6. I'm talking some big girls

    • our town ha young military guys who party and fight the locals every weekend so... yeah

  • Girls are just as shallow as guys, just shallow about different things.

  • Because when you're not looking for a relationship, only looks count really

    • its hard to believe that

    • Actually, studies show that when a guy is looking for a relationship, something that could be serious, looks matter MORE than if you're just hooking up and such.

What Girls Said 1

  • People can date who they want as long as they also fit

    Face wise: people can have a type.

    But if you aren't in shape or have a really nice body, don expect your boyfriend or girlfriend to have one. I you don't look like a model don't only don't those types

    • That is my point. If you are a couch potato, don't expect to date Mr (or Ms) muscle tone. If you are average, don't expect to date Mila Kunis (or if you are a chick, George Clooney). People who are shallow, often suffer from something similar to an inferiority complex. And the complex is proliferated by means of compensating in order to make themselves feel better about themselves. Often, in a superficial manner.

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