I can't look into his eyes

Hey guys!

I got this huge problem and I wondered if anyone felt the same or if you could just help me somehow... I just can't look guys into the eyes. I don't have that problem with every person, just guys I don't know (my family, girl friends and even guys I know for a long time are fine). But as soon as a guy I don't know talks to me, I'm in trouble. I can talk to them just fine, but I can't keep eye contact or (even more difficult to me) touch him lightly on the arm to point something out etc.

Is that social anxiety? Can I do anything against it? I tried to just force me to keep eye contact or touch a guy... but I can't. It's like a primary instinct to look away :-/ I feel like Raj from the Big Bang Theory, HELP!


Most Helpful Guy

  • You don't have to stare. Eye contact 1/3 of the time when talking and 2/3 when listening is good.

    • Well, maybe I didn't make the issue clear... I'm far from being able to stare at someone (not that I wanted to do that, anyway!). I don't think that I'll look s.o. into the eyes 1/3 of the time. Indeed, as I said above I have problems stretching the eye contact to a cpl. seconds at one time if I don't know the person =/

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What Guys Said 2

  • I would hate to be stared at, all you need to do is give a glance or two. Also, what helps me is to just make like your looking at their eyes, but instead look at their nose or mouth. This is especially crucial when you know you want to kiss him, even if you're just listening to him

    • Hey! Thanx for the answer. I don't like to be stared at, either (happened once on a date and was really uncomfortable for me... esp. cause I have such a hard time to look someone in the eyes. So I ended up observing the surroundings, even tho I liked him). However I think I'm far from starring. Indeed, I'd be happy to be able to stretch the time I do look a guy into his eyes to a couple of seconds, instead of a split sec. But I'll try and look at the nose/mouth instead :-) Argh, damn shyness!

  • its not all that unusual. in a lot of other countries it wouldn't even matter. look at their nose or eyebrows until you get morecomfortable with it. I've always had a hard time really looking some1 in the eye for more than a cpl seconds

    • Thanks, great to know that I'm not the only one struggling with it. For me it always feels like I can only do a split sec. of eye contact and laugh sheepishly afterward. I hope that in reality that split sec. is really a cpl seconds and that it just all looks a bit more normal than it feels (if that makes sense). Other people I see usually seem to have a great time on dates, I just feel awkward. I really, really wished I wasn't that shy! Anyway, I'll give the nose/eyebrow thing a go! :-)

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