I understand how getting a tattoo will help you remember him. But your brother wouldn't want you to get a tattoo for him, he'd rather you live your life to the fullest and live every as if it were your last. My aunt was murdered and both my bro and sis got tattoo's, so it's not like I don't know the pain you're going through. If you want a tattoo, it's definitely understandable. But both you and your fiance need to sit down and talk about it. But getting one and hoping he will accept it isn't smart. You can't plan on a marriage that is based off those thoughts. If you're getting married, then it's all about the other person. Yes he should be receptive to your needs. But it's been 2 years. You can't keep living in the past. No, you don't want to forget him. But instead of feeling sorry and sad for him, do what he'd want you to do, and live your life to the fullest.
My first response was "It's your body, you should do what you want with it!" that said I've always thought tattoos are kind of gross and trashy; but a memorial for a lost family member is very sweet and if he cares he ought to be sensitive to your need to mourn. If he's really that important to you try to find a nice way for remembrance that is not a tattoo. Maybe plant a tree? I did that once; but it sounds to me like maybe this isn't the right guy for you, however only you know enough to make that choice. Be careful.
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
its not like you are trying to get a big old butterfly on your butt, this is important to you and something you really want. he is in the wrong because he is being controlling and not trying to understand you. whose body is it? yours right? you are not his child so he can't talk to you like that and order you not to get one just because HE thinks its meaningless. this is you wanting to remember your brother, it obviously DOES have meaning. if he can't get that then he is basically saying his views matter more than yours. just get it girl
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
I don't think the tattoos sound that bad, to be honest. But perhaps your fiance is worried that your tattoos will become an addiction, like cutting. A lot of people who get tattoos never stop, much like plastic surgery, and you can never get rid of them. There are many ways to grieve and tattoos don't seem to help from what I have heard. I'm not saying they hurt, I'm just saying they might not help. It will be harder for you to get employed anywhere, and your kids might wonder why you have them and you would have to explain your past. I'm not saying to definitely not do it...if it means that much to you, then go ahead. But I think you will be disappointed at what little effect they have on making you feel better. Going into therapy would be a better investment.
Um I work with children and I have a good few. Kids won't wonder now especially when most people have them nowadays so it;s more in the norm and by the time she has children even more so. And tattoos to some people are a sort of therapy. My friend has one for her dead father. She wants no more. Also you don't know what 'little effect' it will have in the long run. For example my dedication tattoo makes me very happy and I feel like part of my friend is still with me...
I have one tattoo and my husband loves it, but I'm getting ready to get another that he's not gonna like. He knows I'm getting one, but doesn't know what yet. But I know him well enough to know he won't like it. But I told him I'm doing it anyways. It's my body, and it won't change who I am.
Whoa whoa whoaaaa. It's not like you're getting a butterfly on your lower back! It's a memorial for your brother (my condolences)! You deserve to do that and I'm the same way with only getting something that means something. You should be able to do what you want with your own body, especially something that's that meaningful.
"but I don't like them, they're really unattractive and meaningless".
PPFT... Sorry. I think that was completely insensitive and idiotic. The ones you have come up with have a LOT of meaning, and the unattractive bit is his personal opinion. (I love my tattoo!)
It's your choice hun. If he can't 'let' you do it without a huge fight, then it's his loss, not yours.
It's your body. For him to say anything along the lines of what he did was uncalled for - I don't know the situation leading up to the discussion - but let him think what he will - you have a noble reason for getting them - do what you want to.
Be careful...Tattoos are addicting and if your recoverd from cutting this may end up being an alternative to that. I think a tattoo can mean something special but at the same time, you don't need that to remember your brother. As long as you continually think about him and his life, he can live on in your memories. You don't need a tatoo to do that. I myself think tatoos are a waste of money.
Imagine you got a tattoo in the 70's (assuming you were that old) and imagine how out of style it would be now and how faded and stretched it would get.
Imagine that you had to wear the same hairstyle forever but it got frizzy and turned grey over time.
It is your body and even though your going to marry the guy he still has no right to dictate what you do with it. If the only reasons for him not to get it is because they are meaningless then he is being selfish. You have put careful planning and time into your decision and a memorial tattoo for your late brother is nothing that is harmful. He should more understanding of that.
I think you should get one. I mean, it's something special to you, and the memorial is important to you, and he should respect that. He also shouldn't have any control over what you want on your own body. I think he will accept it after you get it because he should love you and respect who you are and what you want to do.
look, he can't control your descision. let him know that this is important to you and that they aren't meaningless because they are supposedto remind you of how good of a person your brother was. and even though he doesn't want you to, I think you should do it. but tell him that you don't want to disobey him, but its your choice and your body.
your body, sweetheart. if he dumps you for a tattoo, that's ridiculous. drugs or something I can understand, but a piece of meaningful art after all you've been through? - that's something he should be encouraging you to get. he's disregarding your feelings, so why are you so worried about his? post of a pic of your tattoo WHEN you get it ;)
A tattoo is for you, not for your fiance. It's something personal and meaningful for yourself, and other peoples opinions shouldn't affect your decision. Unless it was something crazy and meaningless, then I would say you should take his opinion into consideration, but since its something personal to you, no. If you want it, get it.
I know where you're coming from-my boyfriend is completely against me getting any more piercings (currently I only have my ears pierced once) He said that he loves me just as I am, and that I don't need any more holes...the only difference is that if I really wanted it, he said that he would be okay with it...he just doesn't want me to. I don't know why your guy won't respect what you want, but I say...find a guy who does.
Hey guys - her fiances not. Controlling, he's obviously sick of putting up with her psycho bullsh*t and she DOESNT WANT TO COVER IT BUT *NEAR* IT! Which means he knows that she's using her own brothers death as yet another way to selfishly and pathetically bring the attention back to her. Would you all wamt to escort. This crazy bitch in public? Now you understand the fiances position...
on one hand I think if they mean this much to you should get them but tell him and get relativley small ones on the other hand you would always have a rminder of the sadness you went through which sometimes isn't the greatest thing...do what you feel is best...
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28Opinion
I understand how getting a tattoo will help you remember him. But your brother wouldn't want you to get a tattoo for him, he'd rather you live your life to the fullest and live every as if it were your last. My aunt was murdered and both my bro and sis got tattoo's, so it's not like I don't know the pain you're going through. If you want a tattoo, it's definitely understandable. But both you and your fiance need to sit down and talk about it. But getting one and hoping he will accept it isn't smart. You can't plan on a marriage that is based off those thoughts. If you're getting married, then it's all about the other person. Yes he should be receptive to your needs. But it's been 2 years. You can't keep living in the past. No, you don't want to forget him. But instead of feeling sorry and sad for him, do what he'd want you to do, and live your life to the fullest.
My first response was "It's your body, you should do what you want with it!" that said I've always thought tattoos are kind of gross and trashy; but a memorial for a lost family member is very sweet and if he cares he ought to be sensitive to your need to mourn. If he's really that important to you try to find a nice way for remembrance that is not a tattoo. Maybe plant a tree? I did that once; but it sounds to me like maybe this isn't the right guy for you, however only you know enough to make that choice. Be careful.
its not like you are trying to get a big old butterfly on your butt, this is important to you and something you really want. he is in the wrong because he is being controlling and not trying to understand you. whose body is it? yours right? you are not his child so he can't talk to you like that and order you not to get one just because HE thinks its meaningless. this is you wanting to remember your brother, it obviously DOES have meaning. if he can't get that then he is basically saying his views matter more than yours. just get it girl
I don't think the tattoos sound that bad, to be honest. But perhaps your fiance is worried that your tattoos will become an addiction, like cutting. A lot of people who get tattoos never stop, much like plastic surgery, and you can never get rid of them. There are many ways to grieve and tattoos don't seem to help from what I have heard. I'm not saying they hurt, I'm just saying they might not help. It will be harder for you to get employed anywhere, and your kids might wonder why you have them and you would have to explain your past. I'm not saying to definitely not do it...if it means that much to you, then go ahead. But I think you will be disappointed at what little effect they have on making you feel better. Going into therapy would be a better investment.
Um I work with children and I have a good few. Kids won't wonder now especially when most people have them nowadays so it;s more in the norm and by the time she has children even more so. And tattoos to some people are a sort of therapy. My friend has one for her dead father. She wants no more. Also you don't know what 'little effect' it will have in the long run. For example my dedication tattoo makes me very happy and I feel like part of my friend is still with me...
"he just says "but I don't like them, they're really unattractive and meaningless". "
Well its not meaningless to you, have you tried explaining to him about your brother and how important this is to you?
I think he needs to comprimise. Its not like you're tatooing your face or anything, then I could understand him being so stubborn.
Finally! someone said compromise.
I have one tattoo and my husband loves it, but I'm getting ready to get another that he's not gonna like. He knows I'm getting one, but doesn't know what yet. But I know him well enough to know he won't like it. But I told him I'm doing it anyways. It's my body, and it won't change who I am.
Whoa whoa whoaaaa. It's not like you're getting a butterfly on your lower back! It's a memorial for your brother (my condolences)! You deserve to do that and I'm the same way with only getting something that means something. You should be able to do what you want with your own body, especially something that's that meaningful.
"but I don't like them, they're really unattractive and meaningless".
PPFT... Sorry. I think that was completely insensitive and idiotic. The ones you have come up with have a LOT of meaning, and the unattractive bit is his personal opinion. (I love my tattoo!)
It's your choice hun. If he can't 'let' you do it without a huge fight, then it's his loss, not yours.
It's your body. For him to say anything along the lines of what he did was uncalled for - I don't know the situation leading up to the discussion - but let him think what he will - you have a noble reason for getting them - do what you want to.
Kudos!
Be careful...Tattoos are addicting and if your recoverd from cutting this may end up being an alternative to that. I think a tattoo can mean something special but at the same time, you don't need that to remember your brother. As long as you continually think about him and his life, he can live on in your memories. You don't need a tatoo to do that. I myself think tatoos are a waste of money.
Imagine you got a tattoo in the 70's (assuming you were that old) and imagine how out of style it would be now and how faded and stretched it would get.
Imagine that you had to wear the same hairstyle forever but it got frizzy and turned grey over time.
Would you feel different about a tattoo?
It is your body and even though your going to marry the guy he still has no right to dictate what you do with it. If the only reasons for him not to get it is because they are meaningless then he is being selfish. You have put careful planning and time into your decision and a memorial tattoo for your late brother is nothing that is harmful. He should more understanding of that.
Well..answer me some questions.
What century is this?
Are women still oppressed and neglected?
Are we lesser than men?
I think not!
Do what you really want to do.
And, I don't even have to tell you that if he loves you, he won't mind that much, and he'll love you still...
Hope I Helped!
*StillWater*
I think you should get one. I mean, it's something special to you, and the memorial is important to you, and he should respect that. He also shouldn't have any control over what you want on your own body. I think he will accept it after you get it because he should love you and respect who you are and what you want to do.
look, he can't control your descision. let him know that this is important to you and that they aren't meaningless because they are supposedto remind you of how good of a person your brother was. and even though he doesn't want you to, I think you should do it. but tell him that you don't want to disobey him, but its your choice and your body.
your body, sweetheart. if he dumps you for a tattoo, that's ridiculous. drugs or something I can understand, but a piece of meaningful art after all you've been through? - that's something he should be encouraging you to get. he's disregarding your feelings, so why are you so worried about his? post of a pic of your tattoo WHEN you get it ;)
A tattoo is for you, not for your fiance. It's something personal and meaningful for yourself, and other peoples opinions shouldn't affect your decision. Unless it was something crazy and meaningless, then I would say you should take his opinion into consideration, but since its something personal to you, no. If you want it, get it.
I know where you're coming from-my boyfriend is completely against me getting any more piercings (currently I only have my ears pierced once) He said that he loves me just as I am, and that I don't need any more holes...the only difference is that if I really wanted it, he said that he would be okay with it...he just doesn't want me to. I don't know why your guy won't respect what you want, but I say...find a guy who does.
Hey guys - her fiances not. Controlling, he's obviously sick of putting up with her psycho bullsh*t and she DOESNT WANT TO COVER IT BUT *NEAR* IT! Which means he knows that she's using her own brothers death as yet another way to selfishly and pathetically bring the attention back to her. Would you all wamt to escort. This crazy bitch in public? Now you understand the fiances position...
on one hand I think if they mean this much to you should get them but tell him and get relativley small ones on the other hand you would always have a rminder of the sadness you went through which sometimes isn't the greatest thing...do what you feel is best...