What would you do, if you realized that you are "in the wrong subculture"?

I've got an “average” (call it boring) style and personality (for my age), but I really only fancy goth girls. This is rather problematic because:

A) They are rather rare around here.

B) Most of them are a lot younger than me.

C) They wouldn't touch me with a barge poll in my current style.

So I can do either of the following:

A) Stay single until a “normal” girl chats me up (as I can't get myself to make a move on someone if I don't like their look, and I wouldn't know which one to hit). This might take for ever, and I will end up with someone that I don't think as attractive.

B) Try to change my style and integrate myself in my target subculture. It will be very hard, as I don't know anyone that can “introduce me”. Also, I'm probably going to fail (to grasp the deeper meaning) and just make a fool of myself.

C) Keep my style and just hang around where they would. That would make me as much of a freak as they are among “normal” people.

D) Just give up on the other sex, and start collecting model trains like my single male coworkers ...

What should I do?

I'm a lot closer to "36" then "45", but I do feel "old" (I have gray hair). Now that I'm thinking about it, it does rather look like my midlife crisis... It's just that I have been dumped from a long-term relationship, and now I don't know what to do.


Most Helpful Girl

  • I don't think you have to integrate yourself into the subculture. I would go to a goth club (probably in a major city and be sure its 21 and up) to see if this is something you could be interested in full time. I don't think most of the women are that young, I know Goth women into their 40's! Most of the music groups have been around for a long time (bauhaus, kraftwerk, etc) so there is a good possibility you could meet someone your age.

    Ask yourself this: what attracts you to them the fantasy, the subculture, what? Then you can more equate yourself with finding a mate to your standard or a role play from someone who isn't quite goth.

    • It is strictly the "looks"; the cloths, the hairstyle, the tattoos. It's not the culture itself (the music, the political views, attraction to blood...) I am considering changing what I look like to be more compatible (I'm into black anyway; it's just so difficult to keep clean), but I don't think I want to change who I am or what kind of music I like (I'm flexible here, but some goth music is just plain terrible). I also think it's hard to get a job as a goth, so they grew out of it at my age.

    • The only advice I can give is never change yourself for someone else. You have to do what makes you happy.

Have an opinion?

What Girls Said 1

  • Well really subcultural things have half died out in a way (can't be bothered to explain).

    I don't mean to be rude and imply that your old 'cause really I don't consider people old until late 60's; but when you get to a certain age people just start to not bother with the whole subcultural labels any more or at least that's how it goes around here. I mean I suppose in a way age opens up new sorts of subcultures that when younger than you people wouldn't always consider but aren't exactly classified.

    To be honest though, I don't know exactly what you should do because you like Gothic type people, they tend to be more around my age... not to say that people who are in there 20's don't do it and may be a bit more open to a relationship with you... or something.


What Guys Said 1

  • Why don't you find a normal chick with an open mind and ask her to role play with a goth style. That should b kinda cool for you

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