My boyfriend's family teases me about my size.

And my question is why?

I am a 20 year old Caucasian female. I am 5'4 and weigh around 110/115 lbs. My measurements are 32-25-32. I am a C cup and they look average to small on my frame. I am 22% body fat so by no means am I ripped or anorexic or anything. I'm pretty average, actually.

I don't overeat, but I am not a health freak. I'll be honest, I eat a very poor diet. I love ice cream and popcorn and steak. I basically eat what I want, when I want. But I don't eat all day or eat in mass quantities.

My boyfriend's family - particularly the women of his family (mother, two sisters) - mock me relentlessly about my size. They're bigger than me but they are by no means fat. They are all pushing 6' in height and their bodies are proportional to their height. They are not skinny little sticks, of course, but they are by no means obese.

If I had to offer a guess, I would say that they're all close to being 6'0 in height with like 40 DD/DDD chests, wider hips...and just a fuller figure as a whole. They're taller than me, about two of me wide, but with wider hips, larger chests, and just larger bodies as a whole. Nothing wrong with that.


The link shows body sizes. Depending on my level of physical activity, I typically range between a one and 3. I'm currently probably in the 1.5/2 range. They're more in the 5-7 range. They're more filled out and "womanly" as they describe it. They say I look like a 12 year old boy so...yeah, I basically do.

But they make me feel awful. They mock me for taking smaller potions than them, tell me that if I want to fit in to their family I have to eat like them, tell me I look like a midget compared to my boyfriend (he's 6'6), and tell me that I'll probably die having his kids because I don't have birthing hips.

They just pick at my self esteem a lot. And there's not really that much I can do about it. It's gotten to the point where I don't ever want to go see them or do things with his family because they always give me left handed compliments.

So what do I do? I've been with my boyfriend for two years now, and love him a lot.

I've tried ignoring them but it's really not working. And they don't let up. My boyfriend and I are very serious and are discussing marriage in the next four years or so, but I do not want to marry into a family where I don't feel accepted.


Most Helpful Guy

  • It's pretty clear that they aren't very fond of you, and they may think their son/brother could do better. Thus, they are hoping to force you to break up with your boyfriend by constantly putting you down. Of course, that is very poor behavior (and none of their business) but some people are like that. I suppose there is always the possibility that their family is just not tolerant of outsiders, or that they actually feel self-conscious because you are different. In any case, it isn't nice to put you down all the time. As for what you can do, here are some possibilities:

    1. Do nothing and hope that their attitude changes after you get engaged/married. It is possible that they will give up on belittling you once it is clear you will become a part of their family.

    2. Ask you boyfriend to tell them to stop putting you down. This may work if you are 100% sure he is on your side, but there is the possibility that during his confrontation with his mother/sisters they will feel "forced" to tell him why they think he can do better now that it is out in the open. The danger is that he might be swayed by their arguments unless he is totally committed to you.

    3. Have it out with his mother/sisters. This is also risky, but at least you are making it clear that you are not going to take this abuse any longer (and doing it openly, unlike #2). It would be best to not do it in anger, but just state how you feel about their behavior. However, it could develop into a "scene" and you will be outnumbered 3:1 (or 3:2 if your boyfriend is in the room). In the end you might be forced into making some type of threat like not being around them any longer, which then could force your boyfriend into an unpleasant situation (having to make a choice between his family and you). Also, a scene could provide further ammunition for the mother/sisters as to your shortcomings, which they would use against you.

    4. Use divide and conquer: try talking to the mother and sisters independently about your feelings instead of having a group confrontation. Pick the one you feel is the most sympathetic to you and tell her how you feel. People often react differently one-on-one, and maybe the message will be heard. Whoever you pick will probably tell the others, so you probably only have to do this once (or maybe once more with another person so it is clear you are not going to let it go). This one is probably less risky that a big confrontation, so it may be the better choice--assuming you have some rapport with at least one of the women.

    Best of luck...


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 4

  • Ok, here's what you say. The next time they say anything go "Wouldn't you think it was creepy that (my boyfriend) would want to have sex with someone who reminded him of (his mom/sister).

    You are accepted, you're just choosing to get offended at what they say. You should talk to your boyfriend. If he's not man enough to confront his family, then that's a bigger red flag for a long term future.

  • It sounds to me like they're jealous of you. You have the kind of body that most modern men like. I know the body type that you're describing is my absolute favorite. I love petite girls and your measurements are pretty much ideal. You certainly aren't a 12 year old boy. Rather they're mocking you because it makes them feel better about themselves, or because they think it'll make you feel worse about yourself, or a mixture of the two, what they're doing is wrong. Bullying is never OK. I recommend speaking with your boyfriend about the problem and telling him how their mocking makes you feel, and asking him to tell them to stop. If he tells them and they don't stop, I recommened telling them each individually how it makes you feel, and if they still won't stop, have it out with them.

  • Is there a reason why you mentioned that you are "Caucasian" in your question? That could partially be the answer there.

    • No, they're white too. It was just so the people reading would get an idea of my body frame... Caucasians tend to be built differently than other races. That's all.

    • Show All
    • I think one of his sisters is just teasing to be funny. If 0 was normal and positive numbers are approval and negative numbers are disapproval, his mother would be a -2, his father would be 0, his one sister would be .5 and his other sister would be a -10. So it's really just the one sister who leads the mocking. It's genuine dislike from her. She told him she'd disown him if he married me. And that I'm a horrible person. She just subtly mocks me out in public so I never feel comfortable.

    • Yeah, he should tell her to shut it. If he is serious about you, he should stand up for you.

  • they're just jealous they don't look as good as you. Just know that they wish they looked like you so that's why they insult you


What Girls Said 2

  • Try not to let it get to you.

  • they are just teasing...don't take it too personally.