Seems like such a simple predicament really...I had been seeing this girl for probably about 4 months. The first month or so that we had been hanging out she was a lot more proactive about seeing me, talking to me, and so on, and so that gave me the sense that things were progressing and any other situations I might have or girls I had been entertaining, I should cut off. I said to her one day casually that I'm into this situation and I'm not really talking to or seeing anyone else at this point...that apparently was the wrong move because she flipped the script on me and told me she wasn't looking for anything serious but did like me and hanging out me. So since that point we did our best to understand it was fun and was what it was, but the difference is we still spoke every day, hung out once or twice per week at least, and had a consistent behavior or relationship - it wasn't that casual. Even though she did insist the whole time that she didn't want a relationship, it still went on and we got intimate and so that always complicates things. This has gone on and recently the discussions about how she doesn't want to hurt me because she feels like she cares and she shouldn't because she doesn't want to be with me (bs), have come up more and more. If I genuinely felt like she wasn't interested or she showed to me that she wasn't interested then I wouldn't continue to pursue it, but our physical attractiveness to each other is definitely there, our interactions when out together appear as if something is going on, and we enjoy each other alot. Now I admit I probably do care more than her and probably initiate more between us than her, but she still entertained it. Obviously it takes a lot more to have a connection with someone than good sex and enjoying each others company, and I know I can't make her feel something if she doesn't. But she keeps talking about a spark, and how she's been having this dilemma with anyone she dates now, that she's looking for something some sort of spark, and she isn't finding it. She said she's had one serious boyfriend (24 years old) and has dated a bunch. I'm real torn as to what to do, even though I really ultimately can't do anything or control anything, but I can't help but be stubborn. She likes me, says there's a connection, but says the spark is missing.
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It sounds like she likes you, but not enough for commitment. It's hard telling why she feels this way. It may be that she doesn't see the two of you as compatible for some reason or that she is still hung up on her one boyfriend or that she has personal issues with commitment. At this point, any more pain you give yourself will be on your own responsibility. Is it worth it? Will it make you bitter and angry if you keep investing yourself in this relationship? Will it keep you from meeting a girl you can be with? Etc.
My advice, honestly, is to walk away and do you own thing. Tell her what you want and if she doesn't come around, she was only going to hurt you. I know how hard it is -- I've had very similar experiences. But you can't tie yourself up with one girl who is only going to hurt your chances of being fulfilled in the long run.0