Derive my physical view from him?

This is going to sound bad, I know.

How can I derive my physical acceptance of myself from how my boyfriend sees me?

I know you're not supposed to let others define you and be confidant and think you're the shit all by yourself, but I can't.

I have a horrible body image. I hate the way I look and I'm always trying to look better - get toned - new hair cut - bigger chest - etc.

My boyfriend, however, bless his soul, has been around for a very very long time in my life. We've been friends since we were 8 and have been dating since we were 18 (2 years).

He thinks I'm drop dead gorgeous and perfect and incredibly attractive yada yada yada.

And I can't see myself like that. If I thought I was just okay looking and he said I was gorgeous I'd take the compliment and move on. But I think I'm ugly as sin. Like, on the scale I'm probably a 3.

I have two views on this. I feel awful that I can't see myself the way he does and at the same time I feel awful that he's gone and paired up with such an ugly downer as myself. He deserves someone confidant and beautiful and perfect because that's what he is.

I'd really like to change how I see myself but I can't and I'm afraid it's going to lead me down a very not nice path. Like doctors have said that if I keep going how I'm going anorexia is where I'm headed.

I want to stop, reset, and think I'm as attractive as he says I am, but I just can't.

So how do I change my view of myself?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Is it so hard to believe him ? To trust his word ?

    You might think you're a 3, but he knows you.

    Your appearance might not be the one of a 10, but to him, you're a whole person, and a beautiful one, mind you.

    He finds you gorgeous because when he adds all he knows about you, he just loves you like you are.

    He's not demanding, he loves you just the way you are.

    Beauty is just physical appearance only to people who don't have a clue.

    So quit being stupid. Trust his word. He finds you beautiful, gorgeous, and that is all that should matter to you.

    • I've had people tell me I'm an 8 but I don't see myself like that at all. A scrawny ruler built awkward nerd with small eyes and a masculine looking jaw can't be an 8.

    • Don't try to convince me. You are how you are, and he loves you. So what do you need more ?

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Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • Why do you need to be an extremely attractive person? You're attractive enough and have a good enough personality to get a nice boyfriend.

    Stop worrying about physical attributes you can't change

  • Ignore for a minute what he says, and consider how he behaves when you flash your body at him. How does he react?

    • He reacts. But I feel awkward. He got me to wear a bikini once and I felt so awkward and embarrassed but he was acting like he couldn't keep his hands off me. I don't get it. I would like to get it though. I just don't see myself that way I guess.

    • Show All
    • Sometimes.

    • Why would he fake it?

      Do you think he's with you to be nice? I hate to break it to you but guys care a lot about looks.

  • him keep trying to make you feel like you look good , and want to believe it. And sooner or later I think you probably will


What Girls Said 1

  • probably, in all truth, you're not really giving your bf's opinion any real value, cause he's been around for so long that you consider him family, basically taking him for granted. it reached that point that it sounds exactly like your mum telling you you're 'cute'.. don't get me wrong tho, cause even having one mum who tells you you're gorgeous, could make the difference between being happy and miserable, for us human beings. does your mum help you out appreciating your outer appearance? does she encourage your 'femininity'?

    • No, my mom and I have more of a business relationship than any other kind. I can't tell my mom things.

    • sorry to hear that, but that's the main problem with girls not 'liking' themselves (and who're dangerously walking the line of anorexia and all the likes): mothers who are not there when you really need them. I can see how you relied on your best friend from childhood years for this long, he's been 's-mothering' you somehow, filling a void. I can perfectly understand how it feels.

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