How disgusting could I possibly be?

Anonymous
I am so confused about my body image. I don't think I'm hideous, but I'm not hot. I don't know if I'd be considered average, or if I should be considered ugly. I know it would be easier to judge if I'd post a picture but I'm not fishing for compliments/insults.

I don't know how to meet guys because I'm always paranoid about coming off as easy or something. I'm not thin. and I'm not in shape. I'm heavier than that. and I know it would be easier to solve this dilemma by losing weight. I don't eat like a pig and I'm a vegetarian but that doesn't mean I eat healthy, and I don't work out. I can. I'm not so huge that I can't even walk. I still function and move around like a normal person. I wish I could go and work out, but I don't have time. I work and I go to school, so I've been at this weight for years now. actually, I've always been chubby. I haven't gone up or down in weight.. in fact, I've lost a few pounds because of my new job, but its nothing that noticeable.

i'm an introvert, and usually keep to myself. I usually only met guys at school or probably work because I don't go out much but ever since I turned 21, I started going out more. I don't go to clubs but I go to bars alot. I hate going out but my friends drag me down there, and I usually end up having a great time. now that I go out alot, I notice that guys stare at me alot. I don't know if they truly would like to get to know me, or if they are just drunk and want to get laid. I am paranoid that maybe the just think I'd be easy since I'm fat or something. so I ignore people. I just go and have a good time with my friends. I'm really shy too. I suck at socializing. I feel so awkward when the guy is staring at me across the bar, I never know what to do so when I catch them staring, I quickly look down and drink my beer.

this happens at work too. guys are really nice to me and get all smiley when I talk to them. some even get touchy. they're so nice though. I think of them as just friends/coworkers but idk. it seems like they might want something more, but I'm probably just imagining things. I doubt they like me more than that.

people tell me I'm cute all the time. even random strangers. but then I get all awkward and I don't know how to react to that. I take care of myself. I take a shower everyday and never go out looking like shit. I dress simple but nice, and I always do my hair and makeup, even though I look sort of different. I'm really nice but kind of nerdy and people say I have a really nice smile.

not sure if that helps. but I don't know what to think. this fear really holds me back from talking to cute guys I meet. I don't want to be turned down and be insulted. I've heard some girls say they've been turned down harshly. I will cry if someone is mean. I can handle rejection but I can't handle people being rude.

so what am I to do? what do I do when these people look at me? or why would they stare so much? do guys stare at ugly people?
How disgusting could I possibly be?
4
0
Add Opinion