How disgusting could I possibly be?

I am so confused about my body image. I don't think I'm hideous, but I'm not hot. I don't know if I'd be considered average, or if I should be considered ugly. I know it would be easier to judge if I'd post a picture but I'm not fishing for compliments/insults.

I don't know how to meet guys because I'm always paranoid about coming off as easy or something. I'm not thin. and I'm not in shape. I'm heavier than that. and I know it would be easier to solve this dilemma by losing weight. I don't eat like a pig and I'm a vegetarian but that doesn't mean I eat healthy, and I don't work out. I can. I'm not so huge that I can't even walk. I still function and move around like a normal person. I wish I could go and work out, but I don't have time. I work and I go to school, so I've been at this weight for years now. actually, I've always been chubby. I haven't gone up or down in weight.. in fact, I've lost a few pounds because of my new job, but its nothing that noticeable.

i'm an introvert, and usually keep to myself. I usually only met guys at school or probably work because I don't go out much but ever since I turned 21, I started going out more. I don't go to clubs but I go to bars alot. I hate going out but my friends drag me down there, and I usually end up having a great time. now that I go out alot, I notice that guys stare at me alot. I don't know if they truly would like to get to know me, or if they are just drunk and want to get laid. I am paranoid that maybe the just think I'd be easy since I'm fat or something. so I ignore people. I just go and have a good time with my friends. I'm really shy too. I suck at socializing. I feel so awkward when the guy is staring at me across the bar, I never know what to do so when I catch them staring, I quickly look down and drink my beer.

this happens at work too. guys are really nice to me and get all smiley when I talk to them. some even get touchy. they're so nice though. I think of them as just friends/coworkers but idk. it seems like they might want something more, but I'm probably just imagining things. I doubt they like me more than that.

people tell me I'm cute all the time. even random strangers. but then I get all awkward and I don't know how to react to that. I take care of myself. I take a shower everyday and never go out looking like shit. I dress simple but nice, and I always do my hair and makeup, even though I look sort of different. I'm really nice but kind of nerdy and people say I have a really nice smile.

not sure if that helps. but I don't know what to think. this fear really holds me back from talking to cute guys I meet. I don't want to be turned down and be insulted. I've heard some girls say they've been turned down harshly. I will cry if someone is mean. I can handle rejection but I can't handle people being rude.

so what am I to do? what do I do when these people look at me? or why would they stare so much? do guys stare at ugly people?


Most Helpful Guy

  • If they stare it must be because you are beautiful.

    There are a lot of guys who like plus size girls.

    Chubby is not a synonym for ugly or unwanted.

    You should avoid being too cautious. Just let things flow. You'll be surprised. Almost everyone faces some form of rejection. Don't take it too personally, it can be a guy with issues, nothing more.

    Go out, talk more, just let go.


    • i guess. but I hope its not a fetish kind of thing. that's creepy.

      i just want to be seen as a regular person.

      yeah. I try to be more relaxed and at ease but its in my nature to worry and be overly cautious, and over think everything. but yeah. maybe it will take some time to adjust to this bar scene. I turned 21 about 7 months ago so I am still new to this.

    • Fetish? See, you worry too much. You're a person who can be genuinly liked or loved by another.

      Just keep that in mind whenever you're out.

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What Guys Said 3

  • OK. Personally I think you are a nice person and people genuinely like you as a friend.

    But dear in every paragraph you have put yourself down, often more than once. Your thoughts about yourself and confidence in talking/dealing with others is very low. People can sense that within seconds of meeting you. Being shy is one thing. But you're suspicious of every ones actions. "Why are they doing this? What did they mean by that?"

    Please don't think I'm being mean. I'm exactly like you just older...and male. :-)

    You need to work on yourself. Not physically but mentally. Go to a bookstore get a book on improving your self esteem/confidence. Try to find a "workbook" something that will give you various scenarios

    and make you think how you would react. Then it will give you exercises of how to make you deal with the example in a healthier way.

    Now this won't be an overnight fix. But your fortunate I have 35-40 years of this crap to work out. LOL.

    Don't be embarrassed, ashamed, sad about this. You are not the only one. The world is full of people like us. Heck there is a lot like us on this site.

    And start believing people when they give you a compliment. They aren't just saying it.

    Heck if I can make some changes, anyone can. :-)

    • Yeah I think you're right. I normally analyze every single thing that comes out of my mouth but there are times when I end up saying things to put myself down and I don't even notice. this guy that I have a crush on at work mentioned it to me one day. he notices everything somehow.

      yeah I've had to take psychology classes at school and one was an interpersonal psychology class and I learned that I did have low self esteem and I had no idea. I put myself down alot. and a lot of it is internal

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    • yup. this is exactly my reason for being so hard on myself. it keeps me safe from other people's criticism because I already put myself down before they got to it. and even though, I haven't really had people be as mean to me as I am to myself, I can't help but continue to be so hard on myself. its a cycle I can't break away from.

    • You can break away. But it's a lot of work.

  • Some guys will only date a size 0 but i think most guys have a pretty generous weight range. Losing weight will help get you some more attention but I dont think it will make guys try to ask you out.
    I think the problem you're having is poor self esteem. You probably are very confident with work or school but you fixate on your body image in social settings.
    Also when you make eye contact at the bar do not look down or away. The guy will probably think your not interested. Its okay to look down once or twice to see if he actually is eyeing you but you will have to hint him somehow to come talk to you or he never will.
    I have struck out with 100's of girls at bars because I was never given a signal but I have also met some very wonderful women this way too who were also eyeing me but were to shy to hint at it.
    When guys strike out with girls they get embarrassed and their brain tells them not to do it anymore so what I am saying is that guys are mentally programmed to wait for the most obvious hint at the bar.

  • well your obviously confused and don't know your potentials, I don't think anyone can help you


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