Tear these poems apart(constructively, of course), so I can make them better.


Blue Birds, A Whisper in the Wind, Answers, and Sight to See are the ones that need review.


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What Girls Said 1

  • You have a very solid grasp of imagery: "mountains/christened with little crystals," "my word is a whisper in the wind," etc. Imagery is great and essential in poetry, but remember, in poetry, you should be able to convey emotion succinctly--and when it comes to pretty words, ask yourself their purpose in your poem and whether or not they are necessary. It is painful as a writer to edit out our most beloved lines or chapters but if they fail to add to the overall work, they must be cut. William Carlos Williams' "This is Just to Say" consists of just a few lines but those few lines managed to paint a vivid picture in readers' minds and evoked numerous emotions. In your revision process, revisit your poems and ask yourself what adds or detracts from what you are saying.

    Secondly, I feel you are coming along quite well in terms of structure. You are getting comfortable with your style and with the flow of words: "suddenly you find yourself/still." I like how that "still" is in a single line by itself and because it is, it gives so much more power to what you are saying--elements like this are wonderful in your poems and I think you can learn from that example of how single words themselves can help you express so much of your thoughts. "Answers" reads just a bit awkwardly and I feel it is more in a brainstorm/draft stage--take the most important elements from that poem (lack of identity) and expand on it. I love the line "labyrinth of life"--use this symbolism as your starting point; play with the idea of life as a labyrinth or maze and think about all the twists and turns and deadends and how they relate to life at large.

    I think you are at a stage now exploring the possibilities of poetry and you are developing wonderfully. You have a solid voice and you should continue to write everyday. It is also helpful to read poetry for inspiration and to help you solidify your style; I love work by Neruda, Dickinson, Whitman (your style reminds me a bit of him), and Marianne Moore.


What Guys Said 1