How do you deal with being average?

I was the ugly duckling of the family and I never received positive reinforcements from anyone in my life. I hated looking at myself in the mirror. Females in my life were crtical about my looks. When I was 18 a boy in my school had a massive crush on me which took me by surprise. He didn't even know me but I knew he was attracted to me because of they way he used to stare at me from across the room.

I had started to feel better about myself and it was one of the reasons why I started to indulge in self help books. I thought about all those girls who thought I was ugly and thought to myself that may be they were like that because it is in girls nature to nit pick and overly analytical when it came to judging another girls looks.

As I started to feel better about myself I noticed a few guys paying attention to me when I was in public which helped my self esteem further.

Before I joined this site I thought only girls were judgmental and I never knew that guys were also very critical and had a rating system.

I was speaking to a guy recently and he ended up telling me that I was average looking. That hit me harder than I thought. I started reminiscing about my past and how I ugly I felt back then.

My insecurity led me to post my pic online for it to be rated and no doubt people were very mean.

I was spurred on to ask this question


and the answers blew me away. I will always be seen as average.

so I guess I am average but I am having a hard time dealing with it. So help would be appreciated.

Thanks :)


Most Helpful Guy

  • "Before I joined this site I thought only girls were judgmental and I never knew that guys were also very critical and had a rating system."

    LOL. Don't take this website seriously. If you asked on AskMen(on reddit) you'd get different answers. Believe me, girlsaskguys is not exactly the best internet community out there. Far from it.

    • hmmmmmmmm explain.

    • In the short amount of time I've been on this website, I've noticed people are hypocritical, judgemental(especially the guys) and ask bad questions. People on reddit are much more respectful and open-minded. There are also some trolls here. Besides, its not like this is a super popular website; you won't get many answers here.

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What Guys Said 7

  • I deal with it by realizing that most people are in the same boat that I am in, so there is no reason to worry so much. Though I am tempted often to think of how things would be different if I were an abercombie model. By the way, I've been attracted to average looking women before. Usually, they have personality traits that make them appear as more attractive to my eyes

  • Stop basing your self esteem on the opinions of other people.

    To help your looks; makeup, hair, and clothes that flatter your body are helpful.

    By all means, stay thin (if you're not, start losing weight) - that will help you look your best.

  • It wouldn't matter if you were ugly. Even obese single mums have more options than the average guy. Dating as a woman is playing on easy mode.

  • Rating systems are a lie. We often try to compare ourselves to how people look on television and magazines but that is not always what is sexy. Since everyone has different preferences it makes no sense to be rated. While some guys might consider you average other guys might consider you hot. Other guys might even consider you to be ugly but do you really think that about yourself? If you do you shouldn't. I think you care a little too much about it. I have heard some guys say Kim Kardashian is hot and I think she is disgusting personally. I would never touch her. That is just an example.

  • The average woman is rather good looking.

  • Guys are the buyers in your market--why wouldn't they be more critical than women? After all, it's not women who will be asking you out or not, it's not women who will be spending money on you, or getting rejected, etc.

    I haven't seen your pic, so I wouldn't know. But remember that with a good hairstyle--a long one--and if you work out and get your body in great shape, and adopt good style, a woman can drastically bump up her attractiveness.

  • There's 7 billion people in the world.

    Depending on how you split them up, about 3 billion would be considered "average", about 2 billion below average, and 2 billion above average.

    If you're average in the looks department, you're still in the top 5 billion people in the world.

    The 3 billion average looking people get by every day without freaking out over their average looks.

    It cuts your career options down somewhat - you'll probably never be a model. You'll probably never be a famous movie actress. That sort of thing. But even exceptional looks wouldn't mean you would get ahead in those careers.

    Looks fade. And the truth is, looks are not the be-all and end-all of life. Guys in high school might all lust after the good looking cheerleader. But when they hit their 20's, if that blonde cheerleader has nothing else going on but her looks, then she's not going to attract any decent guys.

    You need to understand that attraction is built on more than just looks. If you have average looks, which you can't really control (so much is down to genetics) work on the areas that you can control. Learn to be funny. Learn to be kind. Learn to be interesting. Make yourself attractive in the areas that actually matter.

    As you get older (and the guys you're socialising with mature with you) you'll realize that they put a lot more value on the sort of person you are, than on what you look like.

    There's whole cities and towns and countries of average looking people in happy relationships with partners who think they are awesome.

    Don't fall for the Disney bullshit that you have to be a Princess Fiona type. Or that your partner has to see you that way.

    • I down voted you because your stats gave me a fucking head ache.

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    • Apology accepted. Hope things get better for you soon.

    • thanks I definitely need it to get better this issue is more deep seated than anything to be honest.

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