Thanks for your answers! Very helpful! If your work hasn't been published, it should be!! You were spot on about the father security issue. I always felt safe around my dad. He was strict but gentle and I melt around tough, street-smart guys, which is not always a good thing. RE: My crush - sad that he's not that into me but I'll live. Not sure if he's involved with anyone but it kind of sucks to flirt with another girl if he is IMO. Thanks again! You're awesome!!
This is an awesome article! Well written and well thought out tips. I have two questions for you bobair. #1 - I like this guy who is a confident, alpha male type, who has shown all of the flirting signals. In particular extended eye contact and now he's on my mind 24/7. He must have read your work....lol. Anyway, he's hooked me in but is not making any real moves, i.e. asking me out. Is he a player or on an ego trip or what?
I love this article- I wish more nice guys knew about this truth. (BUT bohair's clarification about the push-pull thing is really important). Women like nice guys, but that doesn't mean we like guys who give us everything we want and bend over backwards to help us. Be a little selfish, have your own life. Stay nice and sweet, we love you for that, but don't give everything away in the first five minutes of conversation. Great article, just had to add my version lol.
I get you. So take yourself out of your shoes and assume for a minute you are asexual. Knowing what you know now, do you think there are leagues to guys in general? (And again, not for you but male population) Sure there are the guys who count themselves out because he thought a girl was too good for him, but for the "normal" guy are there leagues?
What do you mean by, "tease a guy where he's weak and tease a women where she's strong"? What's the difference between guys and girls when it comes to 'offensive' comments?
Besides that - great article! I've noticed that there are a lot of things that are similar in this area betweet guys and girls, what's written here can be also for girls about attracting guys, or there's big difference?
Very good! My first boyfriend did the mistake of not creating any tension and I ended up seeing him as a friend only with no attraction. You have many very good points and I happen to know your advice is accurate.
I think this is largely a non factor and women are attracted to physical qualities and perceived success or talent (career or skills). This kind of interpretation is true in the first meeting and shortly thereafter, but afterward u better least have a job and a good body, or sometimes just have money, or just a body... Tension? Who needs that
usually highly neurotic, or cowardice guys dont handle this tension well. for you we have to look hot to spark attraction in you. its visual. to spark attraction to us, we must think highly of you in some aspect. confidence, tension handling etc.
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Tbh this is actually a really nice take, but I would not include "don't laugh too much" since most woman love when a guy can laugh a lot, humour is everything. If a guy can't laugh it ain't good. I fall for guys who can make both of us laugh lots.
But I do love some of your tips, like Ocean's Eleven and "don't lie" and stuff~
@englisc I couldn't agree more! :) When I run into strangers and they're all but humour, it's quite attractive and they leave a lasting impression on me, even if we weren't to meet again.
I don't think you understood what I was saying if you agree - I'm saying that I agree with the OP that laughing less is a good idea when trying to create sexual tension. Jokes, laughing, smiling a lot etc. all diffuse tension.
There's a difference between a social vibe (as you are with friends) vs a sexual vibe (as you are perhaps just after sex, pillow talk). A social vibe is high energy - a sexual vibe is low energy.
@englisc Ahhh see, I read that "reducing tension" as a good thing😅 Perspective, see. As a woman, I can assure you we like men who can actually have the ability to make us laugh, not a man who's forcefully trying to be George Clooney. The common man cannot TRY to be Clooney, you either are or you aren't. It's not about grooming yourself to have that sexual tension, lmfao.
Most men I've been attracted to are the ones who actually understand women and can get her to laugh effortlessly, not the man in the corner of the bar trying to sexually stare down a woman because he read it in a "How to attract women" book. That's what there's so many men who go online and get angry when a woman doesn't send the "interested vibes" to him even after he tried literally everything in the "how to be sexy" guide he read that one time.
Clooney has that sort of tension naturally, he's always been that way even if you look at his first ever interviews. A guy trying to replicate that when he doesn't possess that natural tension-creating personality comes off as way too serious. Trust me, I've had both approach, and it's never the serious one who's trying hard to woo me that wins. It's the naturally funny one who's just being himself. Like my boyfriend✌️ Had he tried this forced tension "don't laugh" crap, I wouldn't have been able to give him the chance to show his REAL funny and sweet, amazing self today.
I've used this kind of advice successfully myself. In fact if anything, being naturally introverted, I'd have a much harder time trying to be the guy who is super social, the life of the party, who makes everybody laugh. This kind of thing comes more naturally to me.
There are also plenty of guys who are hilariously funny, very outgoing, but for some reason can't seem to attract women. I know guys like this. Often I think it's possible that if you use too much humour people stop taking you seriously and start to see you as a clown. Maybe they find you really entertaining but nothing more than that. I think it takes a certain type of humour also that attracts women.
It's probably the same thing with George Clooney. Maybe he's also naturally introverted and so it comes off as natural. Him trying to be the really outgoing funny guy might seem a little forced or awkward in comparison.
@englisc And many guys have used it with failure, you can check them out on R/NiceGuys, but I'm glad to hear it works for you for the most part.
That's the thing though, if you're naturally introverted, there's no reason to unnaturally try to be something else, in all honesty I'm willing to bet that whoever you've succeeded with likes your natural charms, not any forced tactics of appearing either funny or sexy.
Yes, but I'm not talking about the clowns who are nothing more than ridiculous, I'm talking about naturally funny guys who do laugh a lot
Yeah I've seen plenty of those guys. It's not always that they tried to use the things described in this take though, they try all kinds of things. Many of them probably tried to be the funny guy, others maybe tried to impress a woman with their money, many of them just try to kiss ass or try to "friend" their way into a girls pants. Those are just guys who never quite "get it" and get bitter because they never have any success.
What you're saying could be true, maybe, I'm not sure. When I was in my late teens I was extremely shy especially around women, which is why I looked for this advice from the PUA guys. I went through many different stages until I figured myself out.
First I was the stereotypical nice guy. I'd go on dates with girls, wouldn't really flirt or anything, would act like a gentleman etc. and got friend-zoned all the time. Then I realised I had to gain some confidence so I forced myself to be more outgoing, social, using humour. I think I did that mainly because most people say that's the only thing women find attractive. That worked a little bit, girls would be interested and I ended up getting my first few girlfriends at this point but really because I was pretending to be something I wasn't, and I just reverted to my natural quiet, introverted self once I thought I "had" them, it didn't work out. They either realised this or just wondered why I was so different.
It took me a while to figure that out and then I looked for advice for introverts, and this is what I came across. This kind of approach worked much better for me than any other.
Over this time I lost count of how many girls I approached, dated etc. Maybe it was the tactics, or maybe just doing that over and over again made me more comfortable, confident etc. and that made things easier for me. I don't know.
@englisc "others maybe tried to impress a woman with their money" oooft, this is the one that hit close to home, probably the most common bitter ones I've ran into😂
That's actually a really interesting story. I hope you're progressively at least coming to not needing specific tactics anymore, I guess in the end, as long as you know who you are, it's all okay
Yeah I've known quite a few guys like that. Then they wonder why they only seem to end up with gold diggers.
I don't need those tactics now because I've settled down now. However, every guy has some kind of tactic. Women too probably, only to a lesser extent because women are more passive in general. It's just that some learn these things naturally and don't really think about it too much, whereas others have to observe their behaviour, break it down, and consciously learn it. It always makes me laugh when women say things "just happened", they never "just happen". The guy usually had a plan all along and just made it seem that way.
@englisc Too true haaha! Those kind of women and those kind of men really deserve each other haaha.
Aww I'm glad! :) Oh wen definitely have tactics too, I used to read those Dolly magazines when I was a kid, and they definitely always included those "How to get a boyfriend" type lists every month haaha.
Hmmm I understand your point, but I guess I can't fully agree with the "every guy" has it sort of thing. My partner wasn't in a great place when we met, but he honestly was just so happy when he heard I was interested in him too so when I invited him to this group thing, he came out of his house for the first time in ages. I guess the only thing he did that you can call a "tactic" is ask me to the movies, but really we we're very naturally progressing. No big movie-sized extravagant pulls, just two-sided interest that sparked dates later amongst friends/aquaintences.
If you have to think about all this attraction and sh*t, you're just a worthless loser guy that has too much time on your hands. Get a life. Seriously. Then you won't have to think about women. And they'll flock to you. End of story.
Man this is brilliant and eye opener. After reading this article and acted like what its mentioned here gave a rebirth and resuscitate the attraction lvl of her in me. Kudos mate!!!
Hey bauer, if you got all the answers then why were you reading this site in the 1st place?
Nice article, I think you're helping a lot of us guys 'unprogramme' the damage years of Hollywood movies have done. "You mean not every woman wants some bumbling Hugh Grant type who wants to rush to the altar??" :)
So Bobair if a man does all these things and creates all this tension with a women and doesn't make a move are you saying he's just not that into you? So more or less his playing the girl correct?
I hought this article was supser awesome! I seemyself doing this with guys and creating attraction beyond looks. it can get pretty intense to say the least...
HOLY CRAP you are so right that is how it does happen I have had so many experiences I can relate to now since reading this and it makes perfect sense!!!! Thank you for wriging this article!!!
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Thanks for your answers! Very helpful! If your work hasn't been published, it should be!! You were spot on about the father security issue. I always felt safe around my dad. He was strict but gentle and I melt around tough, street-smart guys, which is not always a good thing. RE: My crush - sad that he's not that into me but I'll live. Not sure if he's involved with anyone but it kind of sucks to flirt with another girl if he is IMO. Thanks again! You're awesome!!
This is an awesome article! Well written and well thought out tips. I have two questions for you bobair. #1 - I like this guy who is a confident, alpha male type, who has shown all of the flirting signals. In particular extended eye contact and now he's on my mind 24/7. He must have read your work....lol. Anyway, he's hooked me in but is not making any real moves, i.e. asking me out. Is he a player or on an ego trip or what?
I love this article- I wish more nice guys knew about this truth. (BUT bohair's clarification about the push-pull thing is really important). Women like nice guys, but that doesn't mean we like guys who give us everything we want and bend over backwards to help us. Be a little selfish, have your own life. Stay nice and sweet, we love you for that, but don't give everything away in the first five minutes of conversation. Great article, just had to add my version lol.
I get you. So take yourself out of your shoes and assume for a minute you are asexual. Knowing what you know now, do you think there are leagues to guys in general? (And again, not for you but male population) Sure there are the guys who count themselves out because he thought a girl was too good for him, but for the "normal" guy are there leagues?
I don't really think there's such a thing as a girl who's out of my league, but I used to.
I DO believe that some women simply aren't my type, or visa versa.
What do you mean by, "tease a guy where he's weak and tease a women where she's strong"? What's the difference between guys and girls when it comes to 'offensive' comments?
Besides that - great article! I've noticed that there are a lot of things that are similar in this area betweet guys and girls, what's written here can be also for girls about attracting guys, or there's big difference?
Very good! My first boyfriend did the mistake of not creating any tension and I ended up seeing him as a friend only with no attraction. You have many very good points and I happen to know your advice is accurate.
The only real "hot girl" is the one you want to be with.
or you can just slap her
women love a man that slaps her. it makes her feel very submissive.
She always runs back to him
I think this is largely a non factor and women are attracted to physical qualities and perceived success or talent (career or skills). This kind of interpretation is true in the first meeting and shortly thereafter, but afterward u better least have a job and a good body, or sometimes just have money, or just a body... Tension? Who needs that
usually highly neurotic, or cowardice guys dont handle this tension well. for you we have to look hot to spark attraction in you. its visual. to spark attraction to us, we must think highly of you in some aspect. confidence, tension handling etc.
Tbh this is actually a really nice take, but I would not include "don't laugh too much" since most woman love when a guy can laugh a lot, humour is everything.
If a guy can't laugh it ain't good. I fall for guys who can make both of us laugh lots.
But I do love some of your tips, like Ocean's Eleven and "don't lie" and stuff~
Most laughing is about reducing tension, so when trying to create sexual tension it's counter-productive.
@englisc I couldn't agree more! :) When I run into strangers and they're all but humour, it's quite attractive and they leave a lasting impression on me, even if we weren't to meet again.
***they're all humourous
I don't think you understood what I was saying if you agree - I'm saying that I agree with the OP that laughing less is a good idea when trying to create sexual tension. Jokes, laughing, smiling a lot etc. all diffuse tension.
There's a difference between a social vibe (as you are with friends) vs a sexual vibe (as you are perhaps just after sex, pillow talk). A social vibe is high energy - a sexual vibe is low energy.
@englisc Ahhh see, I read that "reducing tension" as a good thing😅 Perspective, see.
As a woman, I can assure you we like men who can actually have the ability to make us laugh, not a man who's forcefully trying to be George Clooney. The common man cannot TRY to be Clooney, you either are or you aren't. It's not about grooming yourself to have that sexual tension, lmfao.
Most men I've been attracted to are the ones who actually understand women and can get her to laugh effortlessly, not the man in the corner of the bar trying to sexually stare down a woman because he read it in a "How to attract women" book. That's what there's so many men who go online and get angry when a woman doesn't send the "interested vibes" to him even after he tried literally everything in the "how to be sexy" guide he read that one time.
Clooney has that sort of tension naturally, he's always been that way even if you look at his first ever interviews. A guy trying to replicate that when he doesn't possess that natural tension-creating personality comes off as way too serious. Trust me, I've had both approach, and it's never the serious one who's trying hard to woo me that wins. It's the naturally funny one who's just being himself. Like my boyfriend✌️ Had he tried this forced tension "don't laugh" crap, I wouldn't have been able to give him the chance to show his REAL funny and sweet, amazing self today.
I've used this kind of advice successfully myself. In fact if anything, being naturally introverted, I'd have a much harder time trying to be the guy who is super social, the life of the party, who makes everybody laugh. This kind of thing comes more naturally to me.
There are also plenty of guys who are hilariously funny, very outgoing, but for some reason can't seem to attract women. I know guys like this. Often I think it's possible that if you use too much humour people stop taking you seriously and start to see you as a clown. Maybe they find you really entertaining but nothing more than that. I think it takes a certain type of humour also that attracts women.
It's probably the same thing with George Clooney. Maybe he's also naturally introverted and so it comes off as natural. Him trying to be the really outgoing funny guy might seem a little forced or awkward in comparison.
@englisc And many guys have used it with failure, you can check them out on R/NiceGuys, but I'm glad to hear it works for you for the most part.
That's the thing though, if you're naturally introverted, there's no reason to unnaturally try to be something else, in all honesty I'm willing to bet that whoever you've succeeded with likes your natural charms, not any forced tactics of appearing either funny or sexy.
Yes, but I'm not talking about the clowns who are nothing more than ridiculous, I'm talking about naturally funny guys who do laugh a lot
Yeah I've seen plenty of those guys. It's not always that they tried to use the things described in this take though, they try all kinds of things. Many of them probably tried to be the funny guy, others maybe tried to impress a woman with their money, many of them just try to kiss ass or try to "friend" their way into a girls pants. Those are just guys who never quite "get it" and get bitter because they never have any success.
What you're saying could be true, maybe, I'm not sure. When I was in my late teens I was extremely shy especially around women, which is why I looked for this advice from the PUA guys. I went through many different stages until I figured myself out.
First I was the stereotypical nice guy. I'd go on dates with girls, wouldn't really flirt or anything, would act like a gentleman etc. and got friend-zoned all the time. Then I realised I had to gain some confidence so I forced myself to be more outgoing, social, using humour. I think I did that mainly because most people say that's the only thing women find attractive. That worked a little bit, girls would be interested and I ended up getting my first few girlfriends at this point but really because I was pretending to be something I wasn't, and I just reverted to my natural quiet, introverted self once I thought I "had" them, it didn't work out. They either realised this or just wondered why I was so different.
It took me a while to figure that out and then I looked for advice for introverts, and this is what I came across. This kind of approach worked much better for me than any other.
Over this time I lost count of how many girls I approached, dated etc. Maybe it was the tactics, or maybe just doing that over and over again made me more comfortable, confident etc. and that made things easier for me. I don't know.
@englisc "others maybe tried to impress a woman with their money" oooft, this is the one that hit close to home, probably the most common bitter ones I've ran into😂
That's actually a really interesting story.
I hope you're progressively at least coming to not needing specific tactics anymore, I guess in the end, as long as you know who you are, it's all okay
Yeah I've known quite a few guys like that. Then they wonder why they only seem to end up with gold diggers.
I don't need those tactics now because I've settled down now. However, every guy has some kind of tactic. Women too probably, only to a lesser extent because women are more passive in general. It's just that some learn these things naturally and don't really think about it too much, whereas others have to observe their behaviour, break it down, and consciously learn it. It always makes me laugh when women say things "just happened", they never "just happen". The guy usually had a plan all along and just made it seem that way.
@englisc Too true haaha! Those kind of women and those kind of men really deserve each other haaha.
Aww I'm glad! :)
Oh wen definitely have tactics too, I used to read those Dolly magazines when I was a kid, and they definitely always included those "How to get a boyfriend" type lists every month haaha.
Hmmm I understand your point, but I guess I can't fully agree with the "every guy" has it sort of thing. My partner wasn't in a great place when we met, but he honestly was just so happy when he heard I was interested in him too so when I invited him to this group thing, he came out of his house for the first time in ages. I guess the only thing he did that you can call a "tactic" is ask me to the movies, but really we we're very naturally progressing. No big movie-sized extravagant pulls, just two-sided interest that sparked dates later amongst friends/aquaintences.
If you have to think about all this attraction and sh*t, you're just a worthless loser guy that has too much time on your hands. Get a life. Seriously. Then you won't have to think about women. And they'll flock to you. End of story.
Man this is brilliant and eye opener. After reading this article and acted like what its mentioned here gave a rebirth and resuscitate the attraction lvl of her in me. Kudos mate!!!
Hey bauer, if you got all the answers then why were you reading this site in the 1st place?
Nice article, I think you're helping a lot of us guys 'unprogramme' the damage years of Hollywood movies have done. "You mean not every woman wants some bumbling Hugh Grant type who wants to rush to the altar??" :)
So Bobair if a man does all these things and creates all this tension with a women and doesn't make a move are you saying he's just not that into you? So more or less his playing the girl correct?
he could be practicing, building social skills, or just other options better at the moment, or he drops the ball.
But do you believe in the whole "in/out of my league" thing?
Of course the hot girl is the one you want, you're attracted to her so you think she's hot.
I hought this article was supser awesome! I seemyself doing this with guys and creating attraction beyond looks. it can get pretty intense to say the least...
HOLY CRAP you are so right that is how it does happen I have had so many experiences I can relate to now since reading this and it makes perfect sense!!!! Thank you for wriging this article!!!
Awesome article - a lot of it translates into female attraction too... (as in creating tension with a guy)...