Gentlemen: The ONE key that could help make approaching women a lot easier

[justbanANNAz]

Hey guys,

I'm that person who won't really go into something like this in depth unless I feel that it's necessary. I see questions all the time about this sort of stuff, but bruhhhh I think I've lectured about 1000 of you about how to apporach women lol. Got me pulling me hair out 😂😂

BY THE WAY, in case you haven't read the title, this myTake is for men who actually WANT to approach women. If ur one of those guys who's here to talk about gender roles and that women should approach or men should give up on women altogether, GTFO. this take is not for you. #sorrynotsorry. 😁

So...

There is ONE mistake that I've noticed a lot of you make when it comes to approaching us.

PROBLEM: You approach her with the intention of potentially being your date, your girl, your bxtch.

You're probably thinking "duh, like that's what I'm trying to get at", but noooo. When we receive that vibe, most of the time it comes off creepy af. 😑

Example:

Hi, you look really beautiful. I was just wondering if I could get your number

Yes this is a common one. PLEASE tell me you can see how ridiculous it is lol.

It comes with a lot of negativity and depending on the girl's reaction, she may either love the attention, fake-love the attention, walk away, or feel utterly insulted by it.

I wanna talk about that last one for a second though. Here are just 3 reasons a girl would be insulted by your approach.

1. It's objectifying:

just another girl you see on the street and the first thing you want is her number. Therefore, she will conclude that all you care about is what you see. She will question that if she had looked different, would you still have approached her? Ask yourself "why is it that I'm approaching this particular girl? What would I want from her?". If your intentions come from a bad place, you will know, and u best stop right there and walk away. Allow your conscience to convict you if you know you're about to do something stupid.

2. It lacks consideration:

Did you even bother to ask this girl for her name? Did you introduce yourself? Did you think about the fact that maybe she'd like to get to know you a little before handing out her number to some random guy?

3. There's NO effort:

As I stated above, believe me when I say I understand the pressure on guys to approach us even though I am a woman. You may or may not choose to believe that, but there it is. I just know that if a guy is genuinely interested in me, he will be charismatic about his approach. Maybe talk to me about my studies, my hobbies, the damn weather even. Or maybe he'd invite me just for a coffee, just for a snack. Maybe he'd tell me he'd like to see me another time and we'd agree on where and when, before giving out numbers. Just little things that make it more exciting. Remember I'm still going off the one example but this can of course be applied to other situations depending on your own lives.

This kind of stuff is meant to be exciting you guys. It's not meant to be a chore, or a bore. It's not a competition of "I've got to 'get' her before other guys do". It's not "I've got to be that 'alpha male' who gets all the chicks" ...

Let me tell u something: THE HIERARCHY OF MASCULINITY IS.... AN ILLUSION.

Literally nothing more than that and it's quite mind boggling. If you deny that and believe it exists, you've already been so brainwashed that you can't comprehend it, and I do hope you can escape that someday. But if you know this to be true, then you have nothing to fear.

We girls are generally very guarded. For a lot of us, trust is an important thing. If you can win our trust, give yourself a pat on the back because that is bloody hard to do.

HINT: the harder it is for you to earn her trust, the more likely she is to be a genuine person towards you. im just putting that out there. What I'm saying is, if she's an effort, make the damn effort if you want someone real. If you want someone shady, go ahead and get with the girl who gives u her heart and body in a second. Whatever.

So... how to improve the way y'all approach women hmm? simple.

SOLUTION: Approach her with the intention of becoming her friend

This sounds so corny, I know, but you don't understand how this little change in perspective can heighten your success with women. If I know that a guy is approaching me just because he wants to be my friend, I am so down 😎 Friendship is a wonderful thing and you don't have to have feelings for every girl you approach. Just go for it, you know? Why think of approaching a woman as something that you can potentially get something out of? NO. Just open your heart to the possibilities of meeting someone simply because you'd like to form a new friendship in your life. THEN MAYBE someday that could turn into more...

10 TIPS TO APPROACH WOMEN AS A FRIEND:

1. Warm vibes. Sets the tone for ur entire approach.

2. Smile! Don't walk up to me looking like you wanna shoot me or rip my clothes off -.-

3. DONT YOU DARE FAKE IT. Don't think "ok im gonna try convince her that i wanna be her friend, but i really just wanna fall in love and have babies asap". NO NO NO.

4. Introduce yourself. Goddamn, is it that hard? lol.

5. Limit your compliments to 1 or 2 based on first approach only. Any more is overdone and it can get old, especially considering we dont know you.

6. I'd advise not asking for her number from the first time. If you're REALLY lucky, some girls are bold enough to ask u for yours ;P How good would THAT make u feel hmm?!

7. Explain yourself. By this I mean a single statement like "I hope im not being too forward" is enough to show the girl that A. u thought about her and B. you're a little shy which is kinda cute :P

8. Basic respect. Self- explanatory. Learn it, give it, earn it. Here I'd also like to add that chivalry is still cool guys. trust me. If a girl thinks chivalry is sexist, that's her problem. Yep, I just took a shot at some women. What?

9. Thanking her for her time is a cute touch once you've established what is hopefully now a platonic connection. She will feel very appreciated and will find your politeness incredibly... i mean INCREDIBLY sexy. If she can actually identify it as politeness of course.

10. Positivity and PATIENCE. Here is my chance to yell at all the guys I've told to be patient lol. These things take time ok? We aren't gonna respond as quickly as you'd like us to. We aren't gonna fall as quickly as you are [maybe]. We won't want to take it further until we're comfortable enough. But for you, oh gentleman :P that should be okay. If you like her, stick around. Of course, if she is too slow or u feel she is leading u on, by all means get out of there because YES WOMEN CAN DO SOME EVIL SHIT. I know.

Well, I guess that's it. I hope this helped some of you. I know that I will never fully understand men, just as men will never fully understand women, but I can say with confidence that I understand you enough to know your perspective, to know where it is you feel you struggle most, and to know that there is so much that lies beneath that rough exterior.

Have fun out there y'all <3

---

~j.B

[Anonymous]

Some good and bad here.

There's some good stuff about the mindset a guy should have (I disagree with certain things, but I'm not looking to argue). So that's where guys should mostly pay attention.

But the big problem here is application. Much of this can only apply in idealized scenarios. In general, the roundabout approach most guys will naturally -- and incorrectly -- gravitate toward following this advice won't be helpful.

When you're out on the street, you have about a second to get a girl's attention. And in the current environment, you have no idea if she's going to be paranoid/cry rape, if she's perfectly open to talking, or if she's going to tell you to fuck off before the word "hello" finishes crossing your lips.

So you don't have time to try for a big get-to-know each other conversation. You aren't going to get it. There's a LOT a guy has to do to up his chances of that conversation happening.

And there's something to be said for honest intentions being displayed right upfront. If I think you're pretty, I'm going to let you know. That IS the reason I'm talking to you. Draw from it what you will. I don't know you -- so what else do I have to go on? Unless you talk to me, I'll continue to know nothing about you. So let's talk and find out more about each other.

But I'm not going to get excited about her being pretty (there are a lot of pretty girls) and more importantly, I'm not going to have any expectations of sex or relationships (this is where guys fuck up... don't hope for shit!!!). I'm not going to expect her to talk to me either. I've shown interest in her at some level. Reciprocate or don't.

And frankly, a lot of guys are *really* going to misinterpret the friend thing. I get where you're coming from there, but that's the sort of advice guys are going to trip over left and right. I think a better way of saying it is just don't have expectations.

[justbanANNAz]

Thanks for the feedback. I appreciate it. I dont expect all guys to interpret it the same way, because nothing ever is. I had an observation, i wanted to express that, and i wrote a take. Each man here can take what he will from it.

[Kirah]

Yeah, no.

One half of the girls here is saying "Approach her as a friend and then start gradually dating her", the other half says "No that's manipulative, be clear about your intentions from the start!". I'm more the latter type of girl. I can understand how that would confuse guys.

People don't have time to develop long friendships before dating someone. Stop pricing yourself out of the market, you'll live happier.

[Northeast106]

That's how I looked at it. Why pretend to only want friendship when your looking for more?

[justbanANNAz]

hence y i said "dont fake it".

a lot of u r taking it the wrong way. friendship is being referred to here as a foundation, not as a tool to lure someone in.

but thanks anyway lol.

[Maverickj]

@justbanANNAz well sorry, but we don't have time for that. Girls are so incessantly picky these days, that it's either a straight-away date or bust.

I don't expect you to understand, society does not expect you to approach.

[OlderAndWiser]

For the last 10 years, every woman I have dated is someone whom I met online, so the setting is a bit different when I meet them. But many of your points were still applicable:

1. Warm vibes. If you don’t look like you are enjoying yourself, this is your first AND last date with her.

2. Smile! See #1.

3. DONT YOU DARE FAKE IT. Most women over the age of 21 can smell fake from a mile away.

4. Introduce yourself. Obviously, this isn’t necessary when I finally meet her.

5. Limit your compliments to 1 or 2. Yes, any more than that just comes off as trying too hard, desperate, and/or lacking in self-confidence.

6. I'd advise not asking for her number from the first time. Not applicable.

7. Explain yourself. First date, and my profile says I want a LTR, so obviously I am looking for more than a casual hookup, and she knows that, so it’s okay to talk about what I want in a relationship.

8. Basic respect. I am respectful and chivalrous to the core, so this is a no-brainer.

9. Thanking her for her time. This is the one suggestion I don’t follow because, at this stage, I assume that she has some interest in me just as I have some interest in her. I don’t want to sound insecure about myself (like the guy who says to a girl, “you wouldn’t want to go out with me Friday night, would you?”)

10. Positivity and PATIENCE. I have learned to approach every first date as simply an opportunity to meet someone and see if there might be some basis for moving forward. I have had enough first dates to know that most do NOT result in anything significant. A first date is simply an opportunity that beats the hell out of sitting home and watching the Discovery channel.

[tyber1]

As I stated above, believe me when I say I understand the pressure on guys to approach us even though I am a woman. You may or may not choose to believe that, but there it is.
^ You had me up to here ^
v You lost me here and after this I stopped reading v
I just know that if a guy is genuinely interested in me, he will be charismatic about his approach. Maybe talk to me about my studies, my hobbies, the damn weather even.

First off, sometimes its just not practical to stop and have a conversation and get to really know each other. There could be time restraints if you meet someone on your lunch for example.

Secondly, you are proving that you in fact do not understand how difficult it can be to approach someone. Sometimes it is hard to be charismatic when you are feeling the pressure. Sometimes it is difficult to come up with an interesting conversation on the spot. Sometimes a guy can be so nervous that he really only can muster up 'Hey I think you're cute, could I get your number?'. You say it takes no effort but if you REALLY understood how difficult it can be for some guys then you would realize that just the fact that we are approaching you is for some of us a fairly significant effort. And frankly, a lot of the time we don't really have anything other than a pretty face to motivate us. A guy you met 5 minutes ago probably didn't approach you because of your radiating personality. It is just a fact that we often times gauge someones attractiveness based solely on their outward appearance. Why is it better to lie and pretend that this isn't the case?

I get that you don't want to be valued solely for your physical appearance but this person possibly JUST MET YOU. Sometimes there is chemistry right away and that is fantastic when it happens but frequently it takes time to build up to that and nobody is doing anybody a service by being dishonest about the fact that they are interested because they think that you are physically attractive. Can we not kid ourselves and pretend that people don't base relationships off of relatively superficial things? It happens and pretty much everyone does it. As long as he is interested in getting to know you, I can't see how there is a problem with approaching someone solely because you think they are physically attractive.

[justbanANNAz]

you took one thing i said and really messed it up in a way i totally did not mean.

i never contradict myself on topics like this. if u think that i assume i know everything about men, u really have it all wrong. I'm not gonna argue because ur obviously ready to respond with large walls of text, but hey, the take it there. take it or leave it.

[tyber1]

I'd hardly call 2 and a quarter paragraphs a wall of text.

I didn't take issue with one thing you wrote, I took issue with several things you wrote. It isn't that we are lazy or that we feel like it is a chore to be more ambitious and charismatic. We often fall short because it is genuinely difficult, not because we aren't trying. You say you understand that it is tough but you don't really understand. I don't particularly care what you 'meant' to write, I called you out on what you did write. What you did write may have seemed harmless but it was actually very trivializing, and it seems that other guys agree with me on that. Your expectations are very idealized.

[Other_Tommy_Wiseau]

great post dude. you pretty much hit it on the head. i don't want to go up to women with making it obvious that i want to date them or make them feel like an object. i really don't care much for getting in a girls pants. in fact, i would rather get to know a girl before dating because i don't wanna invest my time in trying to figure out whether or not this girl's a total bitch. however, i can't read your mind. why else would i come up to you if i didn't think you were pretty unless i had something to actually say to you? i get that the girl doesn't wanna feel used, but again, who are we kidding? we both know my intentions when i introduce myself to a girl. it might as well be me lying to her face. "yeah, your love of picasso and in depth knowledge of 19th century germany definitely attracted me to you, not the fact that you had on a stunning blue dress and pretty hair"... i'm a regular dude, not a magician. but guys can handle it better and not be perverts and ruin it for everyone else

[ThisDudeHere]

@tyber1 your opinion is the reason I wish I could give 20 upvotes in one go. Bravo, dude. Bravo.

[justbanANNAz]

eh, i dont care. guys other than u found it useful. you'll never please everyone. at least it helped someone.

[tyber1]

Of course other guys found it useful. They don't have the perspective of a woman so by the virtue of the fact that you are a woman these guys are 'taking your word for it'. And there are some valid points in there, don't get me wrong. Because of all that, it is easy for them to miss the gaps in your logic and miss how unrealistic and unfair your perspective is.

[justbanANNAz]

i doubt that tbh.

as a woman, dont u think they'd feel they have more reason not to take my word for it, since i would supposedly not know what it's like from a man's perspective? I'm just saying that whatever 'gaps' u spotted in my logic haven't been filled due to the fact that if i really wanted to break it down further, i could write forever and mention every aspect that bothers u. i did have in mind the points that people would find questionable, and i knew id get comments, but i wrote it anyway.

my perspective is very real and very fair. it only isn't fair to those who have a pessimistic view on the dating scene in general.

[tyber1]

You think that men wouldn't take a womans perspective seriously on the topic of how women prefer to be approached? Men don't have access to that kind of information without hearing a womans perspective, it is literally the only semi-reliable source of information on the matter. Your personal perspective is not very realistic and not very fair but apparently you are either incapable of comprehending what I have written on that matter or incapable of coming up with a good defense for your argument beyond 'you messed it up, I don't make contradictions' so I won't bother to continue that discussion. Ignorance is bliss I suppose, have fun in lala land.

[justbanANNAz]

not completely no, because no matter how much a woman tries to give a man some insight, there will always b the minority that just want to oppose what she's saying for the bloody sake of it, a. k. a, guys like u.

this take came from a good place, and I don't know if u try turn it into some shitty, unrealistic and unfair perspective. I'm gonna continue acknowledging that it IS real and it IS fair, and u can think what u like. if u can't take the heat, get out of the kitchen. not wasting my time arguing with someone who clearly enjoys going round in circles. no one forced u to come here lol. not responding again.

[tyber1]

I oppose what you said just for shits and giggles? I am opposing what you said because I had genuine issues with what you said and plenty of people agreed with the points I was making. I never questioned that you had good intentions with this myTake, and I even said that you made plenty of valid points so I have no fucking clue how you came to the conclusion that I'm just here to oppose you for some arbitrary reason. The people who read what I have written can decide for themselves who is right and as of now 6 men upvoted in agreement with me and two vocalized that agreement while only one woman downvoted and I can only guess that it was probably you.

[the_rake]

ok, it's difficult to have any objections to this take - and the way most girls phrase these things, I would normally have one or two. but even though I enjoyed the article, I'm gonna bite anyway:

'You're probably thinking "duh, like that's what I'm trying to get at"'

Well, it is the most obvious thought for a reason! Let's be honest: a romantic or sexual attraction is going to be at the foremost of a guy's mind. He can kid other people into thinking that he just wants to make a compliment, or that he just wants to be friends but in his own heart, he is going to have a hard time genuinely believing that. he can be dead respectful in his approach, he can walk away from a rejection with good nature, and he can even walk away without trying to establish any further contact with the woman, but at the end of the day, he knows the reason he's doing this is not to have 10 girls he can phone up to go shopping with. sorry if that sounds harsh, but that's just how it is.

'Hi, you look really beautiful. I was just wondering if I could get your number'

Yes, it is silly to ask for a number without first establishing any rapport or that the girl is actually interested in you (sexually, romantic or just friendship).

'Maybe talk to me about my studies, my hobbies, the damn weather even.'

While I agree that it is important to first establish rapport, it's going to be extremely difficult for somebody to establish these commonalities with a girl he does not even know. Just talking about the weather is not interesting to most women and you will get 'nexted' pretty fast if you go down that route. Jumping straight out with, 'so can I get your number', 'or let's go for a coffee', is hardly the best option either but guys will do this simply out of fear, not necessarily a lack of respect.

'This kind of stuff is meant to be exciting you guys.'

'Exciting' is definitely one way of looking for it. Sure, approaching somebody you don't even know and might accuse you of harassment is likely to trigger adrenaline. But if you don't take it seriously and just treat it as a game, then you can certainly expect a few harsh reactions.

[the_rake]

'THE HIERARCHY OF MASCULINITY IS... AN ILLUSION.'

Very true. But masculinity is also a social construct and the way people perceive you is very real. In an ideal world, men would not see themselves as 'unmasculine', just because they do not hook up with a bunch of women, just like women would not see themselves as 'sluts', just because they have a healthy and active sexual interest in men. But the world does not work like that, and people do react to social stigma, it's just the way things are. (It's been scientifically proven, by the way, that the body responds to social ostracism in the same way it responds to physical pain: social stigma is not much different in this respect and ostracism can occur due to people's perceptions about you).

' If you deny that and believe it exists, you've already been so brainwashed that you can't comprehend it, '

Yep, we've all been brainwashed by society to some extent.

[the_rake]

'Approach her with the intention of becoming her friend'

So again, this is not BAD advice, per se. At the very least, it's better than not approaching her at all. But what happens when a guy communicates very little sexual or romantic interest? She begins to see him in a very non-sexual and non-romantic context. In short she begins to see him as a friend, and yes 'friendzoning' does happen, lol! But that's not my main objection. My main objection is that, believe it or not, it's can be just as difficult to win over a stranger's friendship as it is to get them into bed with you. Most people do not want to become friends and go to the cinema with every Tom, Dick or Harry that walks past. So asking a girl to be friends early on in a conversation is going to be just as difficult as getting her number. So why invest so much energy on showing your interest in her friendship when you can invest the same energy demonstrating pure and authentic attraction, being just as respectful...

[the_rake]

... if not more respectful, because you have not lied about your attraction for that woman!

' if she had looked different, would you still have approached her? '

Well, part of the advantage of approaching a girl is that you have the power of choosing. As a man, you definitely do not know anything about her personally before you walk over to her. Her looks are the only thing going for her. Perhaps if more women were approaching men, then Ok, you could turn round and say,

"Well, why's this guy rejecting all of these women and expecting to date hot blonde bombshells? Is it because of the way they look"

But as the initiator, he is going to look for something 'positive' before he goes over. And apart from what he may or may not be able to observe about the girl, he has very little to go on about her personality.

[the_rake]

' Explain yourself. By this I mean a single statement like "I hope im not being too forward" '

I can understand why you would put this in, but projecting the vibe that you need to 'explain yourself' and justifying your actions just puts the idea in the girl's mind that you are unconfident, unsure of yourself, even that you believe what you are doing is 'bad'. If she thinks you believe what you are doing is 'bad', then she is more likely to be suspect of your intentions. Furthermore, you are more likely to seem edgy, more nervous, etc. if you are trying to rationalise what you are doing. The best thing to do is act calm and composed, like this is a perfectly normal and healthy thing to be doing.

'Thanking her for her time'

I can agree with this one. If you have already won her interest, you cannot mess it up with this. If you have not won her interest, well there is nothing else to lose: might as well treat the lady with some common courtesy.

Hope it wasn't too long :)

[oldanddecrepid]

I've always believed in this approach, it has helped me to avoid what could have been some girls that were obviously not for me.

I think this approach is a real benefit to the guys out there too!

Approaching a girl for the purpose of becoming her friend has its benefits:

1) This approach is a safeguard... It lets you get to know her well before jumping in with both feet.. cuz honestly, you just met her! She may look really good on the outside, but be a total witch. So this approach lets you bow out gracefully.

2) If she is the right girl.. a relationship is essentially a very close friendship, so approaching the girl and seeing if the girl is friendship material is stepping in the right relationship direction. Good quality decent girls will want to take their time to get to know you (build the trust)... you should want the same thing! The only thing on your mind should be to find a friend to hang-out with and have fun!

3) Probably the biggest benefit to this approach, is it can take a huge amount of pressure off us guys... you don't need the fancy one-liners to impress them. Treat them like they are just a friend. Just say... hey how are you tonight? if she turns the other way... then she is not so friendly, and she did ya a favour :) If she says hi then you potentially have a new friend maybe more?

Thanks justbanANNAz, great take! and I think a lot of people can benefit from it!

[justbanANNAz]

thank u very much for the support! I'm glad to know this has been successful for u based on experience.

i think the approach holds potential for a lot of guys.

i couldn't agree more with that advice and input. among some of the best words i've seen in response to the take actually. hopefully some other men read what u have to say =]

you're welcome!

[AgentOfChaos]

I couldn't agree with you more. I was literally nodding in agreement the entire time I was reading this article; point by point, sentence by sentence.. I figured this out on my own 3-4 years ago and adopted this approach, which produced immediate results. I'm 30 now but I was lost & confused with women and dating until sometime in m mid-to-late 20s when I decided to reassess and analyze all that I had thus far postulated about dating from different perspectives. However, I can't stress enough that there is a fine line when using this strategy that has the potential to be ruinous. You can't stick with the platonic approach for too long or she will think you are not interested in her–assuming you don't find her attractive–and she will begin distancing herself in order to hopefully attract another man who is interested in her romantically. You have to be mindful of that when taking this route. It's extremely important that you flirt with her and be funny, energetic, and likeable during the time you're getting to know her when you're undercover and operating under the guise of platonic intent. It's even more important that you study her closely during this time because somewhere along the lines the 2 of you will share a moment and she'll give you an opening to make a move. When it occurs, make sure you don't miss that signal and be sure to act on it. It needs to feel spontaneous because sudden, unexpected connections/moments of passion between a man and woman is what drives women the craziest with lust and romance.

[justbanANNAz]

wow, well thank you, that is VERY refreshing to hear.
so glad u were able to come to that conclusion on your own. well done =]

i would DEFINITELY agree that there is a fine line indeed. it's not for everyone, but hey i think it can help at least someone. that's the thing with this. u need timing and he needs to understand that this isn't a game or something to fake. this isn't me telling men how to get friend zoned, but to show a woman some consideration and let emotions DEVELOP rather than throw them out there and expect her to respond the same way.
your advice is wonderful and as a woman i approve! :D can't thank u enough for your input here.

[AgentOfChaos]

You're certainly most welcome. As I was rereading my original response just now it struck me that I may have sounded as though I was advising men to go about it in a sleazy, underhanded way when I said, "going undercover... operating under the guise of platonic intent". Perhaps a better phrasing would have been to say you need to be mindful & respectful of her as a person first and foremost; not viewing & addressing her simply as a member of the opposite sex who is the object of your desire only. The best way to illustrate the correct mentality a man should have when using this method is to try and make her your best friend first; disarming her with humor and playfulness. It is during these moments that the connections are made. You need to initially come across as being someone she feels safe and comfortable around, as though you want to be her friend and get to know her for who she is. However, you must always be aware that your end goal is to still make a romantic connection.

[justbanANNAz]

:)

that's alright, i understood ur intention. but good on u for rectifying that anyway.
OH MY GOODNESS THANK YOU! SOMEONE GETS IT. that's EXACTLY what i was trying to portray, even though I don't know if i did a good job of that.
u get it. THANK YOU.

[AgentOfChaos]

Well thanks again. I appreciate it. And Y'know, don't be so hard on all these younger guys who just don't get it. There are just some things only us older guys can figure out through learning along the way. These other boys will get there someday; just give them time. Us males mature much slower than females but we arrive at our destination eventually.

[FriendzonedBoy]

Absolutely agree, the only problem is that you doesn't learn until you fail hard. Simple man doesn't want to be friends with a girl and it isn't like we're just chasing for sex, just we work that way. It's really hard to controll when you approach a girl you see like a goddess.

i've learned the hard way with the girl i liked the most (physically) until now.

Advice when you are going to approach your goddess (the girl you like the most):

- As hard as it would be, NEVER see her like something more than JUST ANOTHER GIRL.

- Just BE YOURSELF, forget anything you've read here or anywhere.

- Smile is the fucking key. Not only the girl feel comfortable but your nerves get lowered and it's easier to talk since your mouth is amply open.

- Start by saying "Hello¡" and then introduce yourself briefly, shake her hand¡

- Ask her name¡

- Tell her a REAL compliment, a soft thing you think of her.

- LIES ARE USELESS. She doesn't want the richest, most talented or most interesting boy, she just want a FRIEND.

- Don't make long the first talk, You don't need it and it would end against you.

And the last is:

Boys and girls want friends to have good time, not someone who is just chasing you. Most cools couples are succeful because they are the best friends, and that's the most important thing when intercating with the girl you like, just have fun and a good time. So, I recommend you to improve yourself as friend.

A good friend is a good boyfriend, a good stalker is a good stupid.

[justbanANNAz]

can i be honest with you?

"and it isn't like we're just chasing for sex"
^^ we know u aren't, but for some reason, we tend to think a lot of u are.

and i can understand that it's hard. id personally be terrified.

thank you for your feedback, nicely put advice =]

[FriendzonedBoy]

I just have to say, it took me 1 1/2 year to get the courage to talk to her. I messed up everything in 3 minutes. It's really really hard, but i think it's something you must have to experience at least once. I feel bad since two girls messed up with me too, and I think there are not happy endings when you approach someone in the wrong way. Sorry girls whenever you are :c, i got knocked by a girl too¡

[Mistnigqa808]

"Approach her with the intention of becoming her friend" That's probably the best advice that you can give someone when it comes to this topic if ya ask me. Because even if you don't have the "LOOK" that she wants in a man. You'll give your personality a chance to make up for that ^_^

Nice take I liked it.

i1127.photobucket.com/.../ezgif.com-add-text.gif

[justbanANNAz]

im glad u think so. very true, thanks misty.

[Mistnigqa808]

*puts my hand out for my cookie now (# ^ ^#)*

[justbanANNAz]

Haha fiineeee here 👏🏽🍪

[Mistnigqa808]

UPvote!!!

[justbanANNAz]

:P forgot to get it to u with the cookie.

[Mistnigqa808]

dont let aunty aka @Yesits_GalaxyHotChoc see that you're also giving me cookies also... because then I'll get in trouble for eating too many sweets (╥︣﹏᷅╥)

[justbanANNAz]

well u just mentioned her so good luck! :P

[Mistnigqa808]

*goes anon... screw that... she'll have no proof that it's even me (¬‿¬)*

[justbanANNAz]

LOL u dont stand a chance with that gif :P

[Mistnigqa808]

LMAO just like with my old GIF this could be anyone... she'll never know ^_^.

But 1 time somebody (GAG friends made a question about me right... well I go to answer it only to find 7 copycats #MIstNinjas >_< HHAAHAHAHAH

[Mistnigqa808]

I couldn't even tell which 1 was me LOL

[Yesits_GalaxyHotChoc]

Your banned from eating anymore cookies!

[Mistnigqa808]

@Yesits_GalaxyHotChoc KK *plots how I'm going to steal the cookie jar while you're asleep*

[justbanANNAz]

OMG I REMEMBER THAT! even i was confused as to which one u really were lmao! #confusedAF

girl i haven't talked to u in FOREVER omg. how u been? @yesits_galaxyhotchoc

[Mistnigqa808]

#TakeOwner I become a LEGEND!!! with an EGO larger than America at that moment #Joking HAHAH <3

[Yesits_GalaxyHotChoc]

*puts mouse trap in cookie jar *

@justbanANNAz I know right! I've slightly neglected gag lol, I'm good hun and you?

[thedevilwithin]

I like this take, it doesn't necessarily apply to all women but it's still has some excellent points.
I really like:
"2. It lacks consideration:
Did you even bother to ask this girl for her name? Did you introduce yourself? Did you think about the fact that maybe she'd like to get to know you a little before handing out her number to some random guy?"

Because it's just an awesome point, very few girls would just hand out their number to a total stranger. Even a hot and confident total stranger. I mean if they are drunk then maybe, but for a normal sober girl that's just a little uncertain and dangerous. Plus she knows nothing about you, the only thing she can base her decision on is looks and confidence, which really doesn't help if that's all there is.

[justbanANNAz]

thanks hun. I'm glad u think so.
yeah i've rarely seen or known a girl who would just hand it over straight away.

i appreciate ur feedback.

[fiodor99]

i like honesty. no deceptions for me. i say everything i feel straight to her face. i aproached you because i like you. i'd like to know your character better as well. no weather, no hypocrisy and no friendship stuff.

[Bimbobambo]

Very interesting! The funny thing is, I did that unintentionally all the time already. Especially because I also dont want to choose the wrong girlfriend. If I just look for a one night stand, I go to a club where I find Girls looking for the same.. I know 4 clubs where people literally go there only to hook up. So basically when you walk into one of those clubs, you can be sure "EVERY PERSON HERE WANTS TO GET LAID TONIGHT".. so thats not the problem.. this clubs are known for this. BUT WHEN I LOOK FOR A GIRLFRIEND I dont look for strangers being my girlfriend.. thats just stupid concidering that I can't trust them etc. You need to have friends to live life.

[justbanANNAz]

good outlook. it's good that u already used this idea in your life. all the best.

[Bimbobambo]

I like the last quote by the way. I'll use that next time in a conversation about this when hanging around with my friends. Thanks 😂

[justbanANNAz]

ur welcome =]

[Phoenix98]

It's about damn time lol, I was wondering how long it would take for you to finally write something like this lol.

Seriously though good mytake I've been doing a lot of this for years not as a technique but just as instinct and habit. And it's work well in the past and is doing pretty well now at the moment as well.

media-cache-ec0.pinimg.com/.../...aec529d52abd.jpg

[justbanANNAz]

glad u liked it.
thanks for the feedback.

[Phoenix98]

No problem.

[dangerDoge]

Nice take. This makes sense.
I saw some guy straight-up start talking to a random girl and ask for her number after about 20 seconds of talking. Then he came back to his spot in line (we were waiting in line for pizza), and he said to me "Yeah sorry. I just couldn't miss an opportunity for a hot girl like her." A girl in line made eye contact with me when he said this and made a face that said to me practically "wth just happened. That guy is weeeirrrd."
So based on that girl's look, I'm just going to assume that was the wrong approach for most people xD

I just have one question though: Let's say you follow the suggested points listed and you approach as a friend. You follow the list and what not...

But how would you make it so you see the person again and it isn't a one time friend? I'm assuming you didn't exchange numbers and such. How would it be so you are able to ever see each other again if you have no contact info?

[justbanANNAz]

thanks =]

yeah see? like what the hell is that? it's such a turn off.
yeah it might not have been the best lol.

yep.
well i won't speak on behalf of other girls, but if he'd approach me, i realised that there was this one guy [but it was on campus in the cafe] and he'd just be like "so what days do you have classes?" and id tell him, he just asked if I'm usually around at this time, and i said "well i can be next week if youd like", so i could indicate my interest as well. and that was it! we met up the next week, and u know, he asked if it was ok to have my number and was all smooth so yeah :)

story over lol. u basically just gotta act like u dont have phones for a bit. make it exciting. i think phones kinda ruin that but that's just me. if u just ask when and where u can see her again, she'll instantly notice and respect that u didn't ask for her number. as i said, she might even offer it to u.

[dangerDoge]

Oops, I never responded to this! I saw it and told myself I'd respond to it the next day since I was tired. I guess I forgot 😅

In any case, so it sounds like you just met up at a certain time the next week and had lunch or something? Hmm.. interesting. So based off that, it sounds like you set up a specific time and place set up.

Now the only question I really have is... How long did you two talk? Was it like a quick greetings kind of thing finished by a soon got-to-go kind of walk away (so kind of formed off initial impressions). Or was it a longer kind of talk?

Sorry for the questions... I'm just trying to figure out this kind of stuff. Assuming I can get over my shyness and assumptions of "oh-I'll-be-bothering-them-if-I-approach," these things seem important to know lol.

[justbanANNAz]

that's alright =]

yep, that's basically it!

it was literally about 5 minutes, because lunch was almost over for me [i had class next] and it was just starting for him. so yeah we just talked a bit and when i said "I'm sorry but i've got a class a little later", he was just like "oh that's cool, it was nice to meet you. sorry, do you mind if i ask... do you come here every week?" and yeah it just went from there.

no that's ok, ask away. at least u appreciate the female perspective lol. yeah a lot of guys have that mindset and it's totally understandable. i think it's just about timing. honestly, let me put it like this. if she isn't actually DOING something, even if she's checking her phone, chances are ur not bothering her lol. a lot of girls just check their social media to look preoccupied. as long as ur approach is respectful and considerate as i mentioned, trust me when i say it's a lot easier than u think.

[dangerDoge]

Hmm... I can imagine myself being ok with talking with the person. I can hold a conversation and whatnot once it gets started. I think the hardest part for me personally is the initiation... The "Hi how are you?" or whatever start.

It's introducing myself seemingly out of the blue without making it seem so, I don't know, out of the blue.

My last question is, how would you suggest initiating conversations smoothly with some interesting random girl?

Also, thanks for all your help! It is really appreciated. I followed this post because I really do like it!

[justbanANNAz]

yeah i think most guys can relate to that. i can imagine actually going up to her is the hardest part. everything else just falls into place after that i reckon.

see the thing is, there aren't many ways u can do it without seeming out of the blue. i mean ur a stranger to start with, u know? it doesn't get much more out of the blue than that.
the reason y i suggest using friendship as a foundation is because i know it breaks the ice. some guys have misunderstood that to think that all it will ever be is friendship, and while i acknowledge that view in theory, i dont think it goes the same way when it's actually applied.

it takes courage. it's not an easy thing to do... so ways to initiate the conversation, in my eyes, would depend on where u r.

examples:
at school [in class or the cafe]
"excuse me... hi. do you mind if i sit here?"
"is it just me or can u not read the professor's handwriting?"
"that's a cool phone/laptop case"

[justbanANNAz]

seriously it is so simple, and if u have a sense of humour, USE THAT.

by the way, i do want u to know that if u actually have questions, u dont need to worry about annoying me or asking too many or anything like that. I'm all ears lol, so dont hold back. i mean it =]

also thanks for the support! crazy how many times this has been shared lol. I'm glad u liked it. i was kinda questioning myself for a bit, but that makes me happy to know.

[dartmaul15]

right. and get friendzoned?
No thanks.

You do realize 99% of all guys will just use this as a tool? isn't it better if they approach with honest intent, even if it results in them being creepy. Lets you avoid some nasty situations.

okay, jokes aside. you got a good point. Goind hard out with the whole deal of dating and god knows what can easily be too pushy. Better to get to know her a little, and then test the waters. And for all the guys still believing me about the "friendzone bit", i got bad news for you. She was never interrested to start with. IF she's into you, she'll make sure that you're not friendzoned (unless you friendzone her first), and if she's not then nothing would've worked. All you have to do is show her you're potentially interrested, and if she responds favorably, then consider it a signal to go ahead. It does NOT mean she's yours, it just means you're free to try and see if things develop.

At least speaking from my experience.

[justbanANNAz]

again, if a guy uses it as a tool, that's their problem. i created the take for men intelligent enough to use friendship as a foundation.

i appreciate u talking about ur experience. thank you for being civil with ur opinion. ur experience is good to put here so other men can know how it varies between u guys.

[dartmaul15]

Yeah, i don't really hold it against you girls.

After all, you are the ones having to filter through the scumbags to find the proper guys.

[rjroy3]

The only issue is that this is the fast track to becoming friends, nothing romantic.
Although some do feel you should be friends first, that is a very long path and most times never leads to a relationship or whatever it is the guy wants.

But some of this is sound advice. Being warm, smiling, seldom compliment unless it's warranted. But at some point in the beginning you have to establish yourself as a sexual being to her, otherwise in her mind you immediately go into the friend box. Unless you're like Adam Levine attractive and it's hard for her to just want friendship.

[justbanANNAz]

if u think so, but i know it can be successful. and yes it is a long path, which is why it works if someone really wants it to =] i think that's the problem with many relationships today tbh. too fast. too soon.

thanks for the feedback.

[rjroy3]

Oh yea. I totally know it can work and I know some guys that do it this way exclusively. But in my mind it is just a lie. They're not honest about what they really want and the friendship is based on a lie.
More often than not the guy pretends to be a friend in order to get her for more later. If she denies him. Poof. He disappears. They were never friends and they both feel like their time was wasted

[rjroy3]

I do agree with you on the main idea sort of tho. I wouldn't say approach with the intention of friendship, because I reality that's no what he truly wants anyways.
But approach with no expectation at all and appreciate the moment for what it is. Don't approach to get her number or to go out or to have sex. If any of those things happen, then awesome. But don't make that the zero some goal. Just appreciate the presence of a beautiful woman and be honest with who you are.

And I think that is what most girls want, but think of it in terms of that being friendship when it reality it's not quite the same thing

[justbanANNAz]

understood, which is why i listed 'dont fake it' as part of my advice. thing is, with a lot of the guys here, they seemed to misunderstand that I'm referring to friendship as a foundation, not something that will get them friend zoned. it can be done, but i obviously can't come up with advice tailored to everyone, u know?

but yeah some guys r jerks like that and i understand, I've been on the receiving end of that, but just i think in that case it becomes more of the girl's responsibility to use her head and try filter out the goodies from the baddies. as for me, id rather him disappear and waste my time than fall into his trap and become something with him.

in terms of approaching with friendship, like i said, this is an initial foundation that makes it easier for girls to get comfortable, not necessarily for guys. then once u feel u have that chemistry there, make progress and let her know how u feel. that's what i meant.

but yeah that last bit in particular was nice.

[justbanANNAz]

that mindset isn't too common these days.

like i said, everyone is different so if it works, awesome. if it doesn't, cool, that's fine. =]

[rjroy3]

lol yea. I can see that working for someone who grew up around eachother for years and then developed emotions for eachother. That's how my highschool girlfriend and I got together. She was the girlfriend of a friend of mine so I only looked at her as my friends girlfriend, then eventually as my friend. Then a year later, well after they had broken up started seeing her as more.
It was a loooooong. Process lol. I was dating other girls at the time as well so I wasn't 100% invested, but she was always the one I wanted to be with.

Anyways, this isn't adding value to your topic anymore so I'll stop posting on here xD. Hope you have a good Saturday

[justbanANNAz]

fair enough =] it can take awhile but as u said u gotta be invested.
haha it's fine, thanks, u too!

[Jager66]

You are very blunt and to the point, it was refreshing! Usually these kind of my takes are sappy or spiteful. I rarely agree with these kinds of MyTakes but this one is really good, except for the part about chivalry. Women wanting/ not wanting chivalry is a great way for men to filter out the women who have no respect the men they date.

Otherwise speaking from experience the advice is spot on, except for the part about chivalry, although I remain healthily skeptical as to how well you actually understand men.

[justbanANNAz]

im a blunt person tbh. some people here r getting offended by this or misunderstanding it lol. i appreciate ur opinion, i really do.

that's ok, i understand the scepticism, but away from GaG i am that person my guy friends come to for advice. *shrugs* :)

[Jager66]

yeah it's hard to write a one size fits all dating advice post.

Following an approach like this works for me because I have no interest in a relationship with someone who isn't friend material, it filters out a lot of the women I likely wouldn't be very compatible with, which makes for a more pleasurable dating experience.

It actually just occurred to me the other day that I'm 35 and have never been rejected by any women I have asked out face to face and it's not because I'm super handsome, high status, charismatic or wealthy. Not really sure why but I think it might be because I have a spine, don't place unspoken expectations on people and am in no rush. Just a guess but it's all I can come up with, been trying to figure out why and your post kinda resonated a bit with me. I've even had a lot of women ask me out which is nice.

[justbanANNAz]

definitely. this take came from a genuine place, but of course, not everyone is gonna like that.

i totally agree with the filter thing. that's SO important to have in the dating world, otherwise u end up lost.

well I'm impressed to hear about ur success with women, and thank u for stating from experience that this approach does work. I'm sure u must have some great qualities that come with ur successful approach.

keep on being who u r =]

[zorro8888]

Well said!

The moment guys think of approaching a girl as a potential girlfriend they build her up on a pedestal in their minds and that only makes them feel more nervous and they'll end up not being themselves. Best advice for the guys in this situation! :)

[justbanANNAz]

thank you for your feedback :)
im glad u at least understood what i meant lol.

[Gommers]

If you don't put someone on a pedestal, friend or otherwise, they're not worth your time.

[zorro8888]

@Gommers

You won't get anywhere if you think the person is better than you... that's what the pedestal represents.

[Gommers]

I put myself on a pedestal because I am beget than most people. I expect the same of people I consider friends.

[zorro8888]

@Gommers

Whatever works best for you.

[Gommers]

Whatever kid

[zorro8888]

... lol

[RebelOfNowhere]

This is all really true from my perspective. The only thing compliments make me feel is flattered and sometimes even irritated. I've only ever been interested in guys that I wanted a friendship with, or who I was already friends with. Like I'm never attracted to people just because they show interest in me. Compliments are a billion times nicer from someone I care about, and who I know cares about me. I feel a lot happier if a friend calls me beautiful than when a stranger does.

[justbanANNAz]

I appreciate ur feedback and input :) thanks xx

[FatherJack]

Men need to remember that rejection may not be personal at all. Sure there are bitches that love to shoot men down for " fun " , we've all seen that ( especially me , an ex bouncer ) but she may not be in the mood for a million different reasons , even though she may actually like you deep down , just timing was wrong. I would avoid compliments at first , as they may backfire... get to know her first , THEN compliment her based on what you have learned about her , it's more personal & genuine than a generic " you're beautiful " type line.

[justbanANNAz]

definitely. i totally agree.
thank u for the input.

[FatherJack]

My pleasure !! Unfortunately for some ladies , those nasty bitches I mentioned above will mean that a lot of decent guys will NOT approach any of you ladies. On the flip side , I cannot stand dickhead guys that mistreat women as this is out of order anyway & WE get the same shitty label !! Crap people , regardless of gender , make things harder for the rest of us.

[justbanANNAz]

exactly. it's the baddies in each gender that make it harder for the good ones to prove themselves.

[Anonymous]

I have to disagree with a part of this. It takes me a while to even ask for a number. I've attempted friendship. The girls in my circles don't really want genuine friendship. It's all very "surface" type stuff.

I've HEARD the whole "friendship first" idea, and a part of me would prefer it that way, but I have yet to see it actually play out that way. Maybe it's different in your area.

[justbanANNAz]

as a few of u have. and that's ok. i dont expect u all to be like "WOW THIS IS GREAT" lol.

i've seen it plenty of times, but eh, everyone is different.

[Northeast106]

I disagree with the friendship part. In my eyes, that is being fake. Your pretending to only want friendship initially, when your looking for something more than friendship. Though I get that you shouldn't ask a girl for her number within 10 seconds of meeting her.

[Northeast106]

besides, females are very different. Some women don't like gentlemen or chivalry, in the end you just need to be yourself. Don't change for anyone, they can take it or leave it.

[justbanANNAz]

refer to my comment on kirah's opinion.

[Northeast106]

Alright. Sounds good in theory, but I don't think it works in the real world. You bring up good points, but waiting for friendship first is just beating around the bush. You can get to know someone, but being a close friend and trying to make a relationship happen from that isn't my personal style, though I do agree on being nice to women, and dropping the whole alpha/beta bullshit.

[aficionado]

@ustbanANNAz

Really good one, and useful for someone like me who has 'approach anxiety'! But isn't it a huge risk to approach a woman wanting to be friends? It's commonly said that doing this is a recipe for disaster, since the woman would put him in this dreaded 'friendzone'. So we men have always been told that we should make romantic intent known to the woman at the beginning itself, or else she'll continue seeing us as 'just a friend' forever.

[justbanANNAz]

not at all. what I'm getting at it is that by establishing friendship, it should help you lay a foundation for something greater over time. the feelings would come more naturally that way i believe.

[JustinX9]

I believe telling the woman your true intention in the beginning... being friends sound not romantic for girls, she must know that you want to be more than friends

[justbanANNAz]

i dont think this dude is in any place to talk since he's given up on women altogether lol ^^^

[aficionado]

@justbanANNAz

Yeah, I suppose so! I was in his shoes too, not too long ago. Highly insecure about my looks, feeling like the worst looking guy on the planet, severe approach anxiety, and morbid fear of rejection. I just loathed myself in every possible way. Thankfully, I seem to be getting better now. So I can relate to him! :P

I guess treading the middle path initially... being friends, while also resorting to a bit of subtle flirting, can work. If she doesn't seem comfortable with that, I can back off and assume that she wouldn't want to go beyond friendship.