When a Woman Rejects You:

[dmgstarfleet]

1 Accept it

In western society at this point in History women are the choosers. They often are rude, hostile or mocking in rejection but some guys cross a line and deserve it. Maybe you didn't, but women are often conditioned to put an advance down HARD so it's understandable. Most women have dealt with unwanted advances before and have developed "policy" answers-(often the same old stock phrases we've all heard too often -especially the "F" word-"friends".) But no one is obligated to be interested so in any event just accept it

2. Accept it with class

Even if she puts you off with unkind behaviors. As long as you've behaved gentlemanly then it make her look bad, not you, and besides, you just got to know her a little better and from what you've just seen would you really want to get involved with her?

3. Reflect

Why did she reject you? Had she indicated interest in you at all before she rejected you? Were you rude? Vulgar? Unconfident? Arrogant? Examine your approach including why you thought she might be receptive prior to the approach. The goal is to recognize what errors you may have made and adjust in the future. See Point #

4. It's a numbers game

Women are the buyers and you are the seller. You have to demonstrate value for her to be interested. Women are hypergamous-they date upwards for greater social status and resources. Consider adjusting your approach-including who you approach. Perhaps you overreach.

5. Shrug it off and continue to approach women

You have to be able to do this. Just because you are embarrassed and your ego is bruised don't quit or you will never find a girl. Every interaction is a learning experience. But you have to get back on the horse after you've been thrown or you never learn to ride. Man up-nothing ventured, nothing gained. "Faint heart never fair lady won".

6. Minimize rejection by only approaching girls who have indicated interest

This is linked to point 3-reflection. This is the most difficult part because women like the idea of "plausible deniability" (so as to say you misinterpreted them if you reject THEM. Ironically, women fear rejection worse than men-they are less used to it because it is incumbent upon the man in almost all societies to make the first move). Anyway, the signals they send are tiny-eye contact, a smile, body positions (mirroring), playing with hair, etc. Without any of these indicators your chance of rejection rises and even with them if she doesn't like your approach or conversation she can deny she was interested.

7. There Might Be Other Reasons

Many women send indicators of interest either consciously or unconsciously without intent to follow through for other reasons. She might be attracted but not accept for other reasons. She may be married, in a complicated relationship, from somewhere else or any one of ten thousand things.

[Anonymous]

Giving a polite "no" rarely works. I nicely told past three guys that "I wasn't interested", it didn't work in any case. One of them rubbed me on the back of my neck without me giving him permission to. Another tried to contact me through the phone at my WORK (creepy). The third guy, even after I told him to stop talking the way he was to me, contined to do it. He wasn't respecting my boundaries. So finally I blocked the first one on Facebook, and told the third that if he didn't put a filter on his mouth, I'd do the same to him. Women are almost always direct with guys about what they want, you guys just don't listen. It's not always the answer you want, and you have to accept it. If not, then she has every right to get rude with you. I might also add if she tells you she just wants to be friends. That's EXACTLY what she means, nothing more. The chances of her changing her mind about wanting to be in a relationship with you are slim to none. Move on, and pursue someone else who's interestd in you.

[Y3llow]

Honestly it's not that big of a deal. Just recognize that not everyone is going to be interested in you. Everyone has different types and vibes/connects differently. It's important to recognize that it's not a huge deal to be rejected or if someone says they're not interested. That goes for all genders, not just women. I reject a lot of people and I get rejected a lot. It's part of life so there's not really a need to make it a huge deal. Just thank the person for being honest with you and move on.

[ManOnFire]

This doesn't help those guys. It entertains women! Because women like that we keep focusing on and validating how much they reject men. A satisfier for their ego.

Contrary to how the media wants to project it, the vast majority of men can handle rejection even when it hurts, and they move on. But do you know how a woman gets when SHE is rejected? Blames the guy for only caring about "looks." Thinks he was "intimidated" by her so she can feel better about it. Attacks his "standards" as being low.

Women handle rejection worse than men because they believe it won't ever happen to them.

[roland77]

I had to reject a woman because she was to much focused on her Christian-like believe. I cannot believe in God and I don't wish to be converted. So I had to reject her. But we did it healthy.

[wmasters]

Which is just a testimony to their average ego's. I truly believe that women thinks it's all about them.

[ManOnFire]

@wmasters Yep, so do I.

[Helpmebabe]

Lol what is this? The boys feeling sorry for themselves club? 😂

[roland77]

@Helpmebabe Looks like. ;-)

[Bluemax]

Well put. To add to this, I would say that rejecting you and not giving you a chance is actually the compassionate thing to do.

I do wonder why I haven't been rejected rudely. I keep hearing this "women are often rude and hostile" when rejecting, and yet not a single woman who has rejected me in my adult life has done so rudely or in a hostile manner. Quite the opposite.

[Bluemax]

P. S. I love Roy Batty

[dmgstarfleet]

I haven't been rejected rudely either-probably because I am gentlemanly about the matter and that is returned. I wrote this originally for a young friend who needed schoolin' on his approach. Yes, BR was an inspired movie!

[Boppy]

I'm guessing it's a cultural thing. May differ from state to state, in city or countryside, etc.
Also, I'm willing to bet that flirting in a bar or at a party will make rude rejections more likely because alcohol usually makes people louder and ruder, in my experience.

[Y3llow]

My guess would be you're probably respectful about asking out women.

[roland77]

@Y3llow Most important thing! Respect her. If she doesn't it back you, then say goodbye and leave.

[HighlyQuestionable]

@Bluemax- I don't get the "Blade Runner ref"

[Cynicaldreamer]

Interesting take! I would love to see the female version of this as well (When a Man Rejects You).

[little_bird1]

Yeah, me too, I've been rejected quite a lot.

[roland77]

@little_bird1 Like to tell us the reasons? I was rejected because she had a relationship before me and want a break, okay, not just with me. :-) Maybe typical for males, but I quit my ex-wife way before I started separating from her.

[Guy13]

Great common sense with explanation. Of course, this depends on the quality of guy and what his agenda truly is.

[ObscuredBeyond]

Being told no is one thing. Being told no when I wasn't even looking/asking, being MeToo'd over it, being sabotaged for a job opportunity over it... that's the sort of BS where I draw the line.

What happened to me January of this year was completely asinine. I was thinking: "Bitch! This wasn't even about you! It was about a freelance gig to put my graphic design education to good use finally! I didn't even know the guy was also your boss! Why must you do this to me? I'm interested in some other gal!"

I was interested in that one gal that complained a whole five years prior to that. But when it went nowhere then, I didn't pursue. Still... she acted like not wanting to date me meant I couldn't even do anything nice for her either. And then, I couldn't even do anything nice for anyone else she associated with, because that was somehow a stealth attempt to hit on her...*somehow*.

Paranoid psycho. Lo and behold, I found out she'd been hospitalized for mental illness many times. So maybe it was for the best I didn't get the freelance gig either.

Still... would've been nice to make some extra side money by doing what I love.

[westwordbound]

Well written take sir. I recommend reading Corey Wayne and his book.

Rejection is part of life. Two weeks ago I invited a girl over my place for dinner (second date). We had been talking for a month and went on a first date earlier. She brought up meeting again and she agreed to come over.

Well the night came and she not only didn’t show up but she didn’t even have the common courtesy to say she couldn’t make it. I spent a solid 2 hours preparing dinner, running to the store to get nice wine and getting my place clean.

I was really pissed. More angry that she didn’t have the courtesy to just take 15 seconds to text me she couldn’t make it vs. not coming over. I ALMOST texted her to confront what she did. But I took a deep breath. A few days later I deleted all her contact info. Never heard from her again.

10 years ago I would have texted her immediately. But that wouldn’t have solved anything. She doesn’t respect me and it’s better we didn’t hang on anyway. Glad she is gone

[Inv8derChris]

Women are the choosers? OK, if that were true; why am I always hearing women lament "It's hard to find someone; they're all gay or taken (not that that ever stopped anyone) etc? Women want guys to THINK that the deck is stacked against them; but really we all have the same issues with dating. All my female friends have the same issues with dating and relationships like anyone. I will grant you that women can get laid way easier than most men; but what difference does that make? Most of the women I know wouldn't just saddle up with any guy just to screw anyway. "They are the buyers, we are the sellers." The whole mentality that "Women control the board; we're just pawns in the game" is why dating is as ridiculous as it is

[little_bird1]

So true. I've been struggling with dating and getting rejected (or used for sex) very hard. And whenever I google "how to deal with a rejection" the emphasis is always put on men. All those articles are about men being rejected, and not many the other way around, like it doesn't happen for women! It's such a lie! And it's exactly why we struggle with it more, cuz there's not enough advice for us.
At least when a guy is rejected on the spot he is not used for sex. We women face greater risk of being used when approaching, and that fucking sucks!

[roland77]

I could make a similar list, at least for local (German) women: taken already, doesn't want, lesbian

[Passinggas]

I find this take entertaining because of the intensity to which you suggest one should pursue women, take a slap in the face and continue on to pursue another as if we should be on some mission here. Lmao

You really just need to relax on this sht and if one wants your ugly ass she will let you know.—Casanova pick up dude. haha

Why feed their ego with your grief? I think you could have more fun hitting your head with a 2x4.

Just go do your own thing and enjoy, forget the pick-up sht and your future skank will come along, choose you and start bossing you around.

That is how it really works.

[roland77]

Be yourself, authentic. :-)

[patootiekun]

Honestly, I think that guys often think their insecurities is the cause of the rejection, which isn't always the case.

For instance, I used to "somewhat" date this guy, but decided to call it off. He thought I rejected him because he looked chubby (because he was insecure about his weight) so he started going to the gym. The truth though, was that he had a wandering eye, and didn't stop oggling at girls when they passed by, even when he CLEARLY knew I was right next to him. I don't mind a guy looking, but staring down a girl like that in front of your date is not respectful. Good luck to him is all I can say.

[brennanhuff]

It's a numbers game, but should every guy just see it that way. Like everybody get;s rejected which is true. But not all guy's are the same. Guy's based on their looks, personality should do better than another based on such things. That's why there's such thing as "game". So if you know you're a good looking and witty, charming, funny person whose good at flirting. Then I can't blame a guy to have the expectation of doing well. Look at it this way. A good basketball player will still lose games right. But because of his talent, he will win more than the average or lesser talented basketball player, right?

[Anonymous]

women reject you if they don't find you hot enough... that's the truth they'll never tell you. All of that
bs about personality traits is crap because if you're not attractive, then they'd never talk to you to find out what personality you have. they just assign good traits to guys that get them wet and bad to those that don't.

Which is why, when I was a guard for the state, I'd buy stuff for the guys that women chose just based on looks who left them in a traumatized bloody heap. Women chose them so they must be great guys... right?

[Celtero]

Never approach or proposition women, doing so will only result in pain. It is a rigged game, and women only think of what they can gain from you. You as a person don't matter, what matters is how much money you make, how tall and buff and handsome you are, how experienced you are in bed and how much power you command in social circles. Let these wenches starve to death romantically. Every woman who makes it to her grave unmarried and without children is a victory.

[frostwalrus]

I feel the same. I would never cold approach a woman given how their ridiculous their standards are now and how cruel they are with their rejection. I think guys telling others to man up are probably moderately attractive to women and have better success because so. Every rejection takes its toll on your self-esteem (unless you're a psychopath). To say otherwise is delusion. Severely unattractive men (and by "unattractive" I don't mean just looks) have it way worse than normal guys, and a man cannot afford to be rejected hundreds of times in a row. It will destroy him. Men should absolutely not subject themselves to a game that's rigged against them and makes them feel horrendous. It's utterly irrational. It's time to stop telling ourselves that we're not bothered by women being awful to us because we know damn well that we are and it's perfectly reasonable too. The dating game is set up so that a woman gains self esteem and the expense of ours. Why even entertain such a laughably retarded game? Any guy who takes dating seriously and actually derives his self worth from female validation is almost certainly a humongous dunce in my book. Sorry (not sorry).

[frostwalrus]

PUA's be like: "Do you have really low sexual market value? Just accept being treated like shit all your life, bro."

[Juxtapose]

@frostwalrus Nailed it.

[soleil2666]

It's the source of all misery, that whole 'we are all equal - including a-holes that get women defensive - and the rest of us suffer their rejection for no good reason'
Not just that - quite often women reject you when they sense YOU are not entirely sure about your interest in THEM - and then mock you for their own ego-self-preservation.
I'd class the latter into psychological injury and make it illegal (as the Irish have started to do, see www.euronews.com/.../ireland-criminalises-emotional-and-psychological-abuse) - but articles like this keep assuming that being abused is ok if you just 'man up'

[Hypnos0929]

So basically walk it off?
This doesn't help the guys who handle rejection badly. Speaking from experience enough rejection will break any guy's spirit to the point where he just doesn't care about anything or wonders if he ever cared. Rather than giving him the old "There's plenty of fish in the sea" talk help him get with someone better for him.
You know what creates good guys? Good influences. Good people surrounding him and willing to help him succeed. There's nothing more dangerous for a woman than a guy with a completely shattered ego and nowhere to go but up.

[Kiran_Yagami]

Women aren't the choosers. Women are the ones who are approached. There's a difference. You choose the women you approach. No fucking duh. That already destroys your initial premise, because everything else about this subject you've based on that foundation. Men don't approach just any woman. They approach women who meet their standards. You can't get rejected by a woman you don't want, and that's powerful. It is exponentially more insulting for a woman never to be approached by men than it is for a man to be rejected by 100 women. There is power in the burden of having to approach. Dangling yourself out there like a little worm on a big fucking hook isn't powerful. It's abdicating power so someone else has to do the work.

[MzAsh]

Good points. More men would be wise to deal with rejection in a healthy way.

[Inbox]

Women too from my experience...

[warrior0345]

So what’s a healthy way to deal with rejection

[hellionthesagereborn]

99% do.

[MzAsh]

Abundance mentality.

[MzAsh]

A lot of men know how to deal with rejection since they are so used to it, but the ones who don’t will get hostile real quick.

Women should know how to deal with rejection well but many don’t because they aren’t used to it. However they are typically quicker to move on since their options are greater. The abundance mentality at first isn’t there in women as much as it should be though. I think that’s one of the things I’ll be covering in an article.

A guy I work with asked me out not too long ago. I suppose he didn’t know I was taken so I politely told him, and said “oh ok, lucky guy.” He took it really well and afterwards he talks to me friendly and normal like he always did before. That’s how it should be.

[loveslongnails]

I wonder how stupid those who down voted you must be... I mean, to what LEVEL of stupidity have they sunk? How can you disagree with the statement " More men would be wise to deal with rejection in a healthy way." What's the alternative? Go do something idiotic and NOT healthy? Geez. Who are these idiot males (and the lone female) and how can we eliminate them from the gene pool, Mz. Ash?

[loveslongnails]

I was raised with the "abundance mentality" as well, even as a male. But I was also raised to be aware of when a woman is showing interest and when she's not. My mom always said the same is true for men OR women... they are "like subway trains during rush hour - there's another one every 5 minutes, just be patient". She was soooo right, especially when I was 18 !!

[MzAsh]

I suppose the truth is hard to hear for some people. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Your mom sounds like a smart lady.

[loveslongnails]

LOL Indeed, the older I got, the smarter SHE got ! :)

[xyz94]

@hellionthesagereborn I wouldn't say that 99% do in my experience... more like 70%

[hellionthesagereborn]

@xyz94 Maybe, but the same can be said of women (on the rare occasion that they make the attempt). I'm just sick and tired of hearing people bash and belittle men at any and all opportunity regardless of reality.

[Inbox]

@hellionthesagereborn Yup... There will be big consequences later on, but the Feminists and Left don't understand this...

[loveslongnails]

@Inbox Excuse me... there's absolutely NO justification for men not handling rejection like a gentleman. WTF... if a girl doesn't want you, or isn't attracted to you, accept it, leave her be romantically and move on. If she was previously a "friend" and you want to remain so, then do that. But if your ego is too hurt, be a big boy and just quietly move on. This has NOTHING... ZERO... to do with feminism or the left. It's about common decency... holy fuck.

[Inbox]

@loveslongnails Excuse you... holy fuck... I was referring to the comment that @hellion made - everywhere I look nowadays, men are being belittled. You obviously didn't see that - autism does that LOL!!!

I also strive for abundance mentality...

[MzAsh]

@lovedlongnails you are awesome and gentlemanly! 🖤

[hellionthesagereborn]

@loveslongnails No one suggested that some one should mistreat another, not sure where your getting that. What was stated was that the majority do respect others when rejected however women are just as likely not to as men are and its rather descriminatory to single out men as if we are the source of the problem. I have known men who where sexually assaulted by women who couldn't take no for an answer, don't sit and pretend men are the ones who can't handle rejection when women are just as guilty of it. That's what I was saying.

[yeeeeeeeet]

Yeah I agree with this for the most part. For an average guy, rejection doesn't really mean much. You win some, you lose some. I personally have too much pride to give some cunt the satisfaction of telling all of her friends about the "thirsty creep" that was hitting on her ever again. If my chance of getting rejected is even 1%, abort mission. For guys like me, I think we'd do better to just only go for women that go for us first.

[cheapshotbob]

i like the reasoning behind this but it still does not explain why women see some guys as
damaged goods though you did kind if explain the situation but not fully. women need t be more honest instead of using some excuse and see a guy the very next week.

[Anonymous]

I once shown interest in a co-worker. Though, I'm married and she knew this as well, she was single with a rough relationship with a guy she was unhappy with it seemed (as much as she confided in me, guess i felt close and comfortable enough) I made it known indirectly I liked her through someone else. Immediately her whole attitude toward me changed and it never recovered. I wouldve been fine laughing it off and a lesson learned and keep picking and have the usual banter, but no matter what she wouldn't budge. Still distant and cold itll soon be five years.

[DWornock]

The best explanation is the statement "Minimize rejection by only approaching girls who have indicated interest." Men should never approach a woman unless she makes the first move by indicating that she may be interested.

[Avicenna]

I disagree with this. I've seen countless examples if a girl getting interested only when a guy approached her and talked to her.

[DWornock]

@Avicenna Certainly, that happens if a guy has movie-star looks. Also, big girls and middle-age women that almost never get approached are going to be receptive when guy out of her league approaches her.

[Avicenna]

I've done it myself with less than movie star looks abd these were very attractive girls. One caveat here is that these were European women, who are more approachable than US women.

[DocT1977]

This doesn't warrant that much focus really. If she says no, accept that as a dead end road and simply move on. She gave her answer and like it or not, it is what it is. She says no, there is nothing left to figure out. Game over. Go look for someone who is interested.

[Texaskid1]

In many cases , yes , women are the choosers. But western men have been simped out and conditioned to beg and grovel a women for their attention. But as a man you also have the power to walk away. You can chose to not engage with them and demonstrate no interest in them. If a man knows how to carry himself and he does not give two shits about women soon enough he will be the one who will decide what women is worthy of his time. There is power in walking away.

[HighlyQuestionable]

This is part of the overall "mind-trap" that no-one seems to be seeing!

@Texaskid1 when "he" "does not give two shits about women" he can no longer fall in love... and that is a miserable existence.

[Texaskid1]

@HighlyQuestionable I would say it's pretty good.