We’ve had all had this happen in our younger years: You’re in school, running along the hallway to go to class. As you approach the classroom, you bump into someone you don’t know.
But here’s the magical thing: The moment you look up, you see an unfamiliar yet pretty face. “It’s love at first sight,” you think. And since then, you’ve been eyeing this person every single day.
Your friends know all about your infatuation — and you can’t help but feel the butterflies in your stomach every time you see their eyes or their infectious smile. “It’s fate.” But what if you’re getting too distracted? Having a crush isn’t a bad thing, but you can’t let one person take up all your attention. You have responsibilities like everybody else.
1) Avoid them online
Here’s the deal: The online world is no different than the real one. What’s different is that the Internet makes it easier for anyone to stalk and drool over their crushes anytime they want.
What you should do is the opposite: Avoid looking at your crush’s social media profiles. If they’re your Facebook friend, unfollow or unfriend them ASAP. You can even block them so that you won’t see their comments on other people’s posts.
The goal here is clear: Prevent yourself from constantly remembering the person. No photos, no messages, nothing. If you’re thinking of sending a message, take a deep breath. Relax. Count from 1 to 10.
Afterward, ask yourself: “Should I PM my crush?”
When your mind is clear, you most likely won’t send that message. And don’t just focus on Facebook: Be sure to keep your crush away from your Instagram, Snapchat, Kik, Viber, and Twitter accounts. Instant messaging apps are your worst enemy if you want to forget someone. Just because messages on Snapchat are regularly removed doesn’t mean you won’t remember them.
2) Reduce or totally remove real-world interactions
Removing your crush from Facebook is one thing, but what if they’re a constant part of your everyday life?
Think about it: You always see your crush at school because you have similar friendship circles. Or perhaps their cubicle is right next to yours in the office. The point is that totally ignoring them in these cases doesn’t make sense because there are legitimate reasons to talk to them.
Here’s what you can do: First, decline your crush’s invites to attend an event together — but remember to be polite! Also, don’t sit close whenever you’re eating in the canteen or office pantry. Don’t initiate a casual conversation with your crush. Stop going to places where they often stay. And if possible, perhaps you should relocate your classroom seat or work cubicle. The point here is to keep interactions at the minimum. Your crush does not need extra time and effort from you.
3) Give yourself time to heal
Even if you’re getting over someone you never dated, it can hurt when someone doesn’t return your affection. We often don’t get the answers we need to give us closure. Why won’t they like me back? Why won’t a relationship work between us?
These are just some of the questions that you may never be able to answer. But don’t beat yourself up over it.
The brutal truth is this: It’s over, and there’s not much you can do about it. It hurts, we know. Nobody likes getting rejected.
However, the most important thing you can do for yourself right now is to allow yourself time to process what happened. You’ll need to be kind to yourself for a while if you want to get over this crush.
Here’s what you need to keep in mind: Many people have had crushes before, and it hasn’t worked out. But in time, everyone gets over it and moves on.
4) Feel the pain
While it may seem counterintuitive to say “feel the pain,” it can actually help you make meaning of the situation and come to terms with it faster.
We all hate feeling like crap, but sometimes, we need to feel that way to allow our brains and bodies to process what is happening. Otherwise, we’re just ignoring how we’re really feeling, and that’s never good for your emotional health in the long run.
At first, you’ll probably want to blame yourself and say it’s all your fault that it didn’t work out with your crush. But the truth is this: You have no control over how others act and feel. The reason it didn’t work out might be something that’s totally out of your control.
Instead, focus on your feelings and sit with them for a while. You might find that it’s just silly thoughts and feelings that are upsetting you. Maybe you can take a step back and realize that it’s not as bad as you think. The more you’re able to process your thoughts and feelings, the easier it will be to move on.
5) Get rid of your rose-colored glasses
Whether you’re trying to get over a girl or a guy, it’s easy to see the good in people, especially if they’re good-looking.
Here’s what you should do: Be realistic. Those rose-colored glasses you put on every time you see your crush should be thrown away. Nobody’s perfect, and neither is your crush. Sometimes, people make the mistake of making up an ideal version of their crush. Don’t turn a blind eye on the obvious flaws and reasons not to be with this person.
It’s a wake-up call if your crush is:
– Already vocal about not wanting to date you
– Dating someone else
– Always skipping classes or not going to work
– Addicted to drinking and other unhealthy habits
Look, you might already know these reasons before. But what matters now is to remember that these are signs that your crush isn’t the right person for you. Admit it: It’s time to ditch thinking that your crush looks ‘cool’ for not wanting to do their responsibilities. Being an alcoholic also isn’t a good thing.
And most importantly: Don’t spend so much time on someone who’s already in love with someone else or who literally told you that things aren’t going to work out between the two of you. Face the facts, and you’ll soon see that prioritizing this person no matter what doesn’t make sense at all. It’s going to be tough, but accepting the truth is much better than fooling yourself over and over again.
6) Be honest with yourself
During your time away, ask yourself the hard questions: what did you see in them in the first place? Do other men have those qualities? (hint: they do!) What did you hope to get out of a relationship with this person? Are they really as great as you previously thought? What does their choice in girlfriend/boyfriend say about them now? Are you just jealous or are you better off?
Could you find someone better that would be deserving of your attention? (hint: yes you could!) What about doing something nice for yourself? Could you better yourself for just yourself and not for the sole purpose of getting a guy to pay attention to you?
Could you take some time to think about what life was like before you met this guy or girl? How can staying single provide you a chance to grow and learn about yourself? What are the things that drove you crazy about him? What flaws does he have? Why wouldn’t it have worked out?
7) Stay busy
We don’t mean that you should drown yourself in schoolwork or work deadlines, but those are good ideas as well. If you want to move on from your crush, you must make time for other things. Doing so prevents your brain from randomly thinking about this special person.
So what exactly can you do? Well, we all have something we’ve always wanted to do. What’s yours? Perhaps you’ve always wanted to learn how to draw or paint. Go to the art supplies store and get yourself a sketchpad and start making art.
Going outdoors is a good way to relax from all the things that make you worry. Learning how to play basketball or badminton is both fun and healthy. In fact, working out will help you out a lot since this causes the release of endorphins, a group of hormones responsible for making you feel happy and satisfied.
Don’t want to do all these things? That’s perfectly fine as well! You can also keep your mind off your crush by simply playing a video game or hanging out with your friends. Just keep bringing more people and interests in your life so that your crush will no longer fill a big place in it.
8) Reach out to your support system
Remember one thing: You are not alone. No matter what you’re going through, you’ll always have your family and friends.
While some crushes are okay to have, some can affect your emotional and mental health. Getting over your crush can be difficult, but you shouldn’t keep everything to yourself. Real friends will always be there in both the good and the bad times. Likewise, your family won’t judge you — they’re your home. Rant and scream all you want. Go in detail about how it’s been unhealthy for you to keep this crush. Even talking about it is therapeutic and will help you move on from that person.
But what if you can’t find anyone to talk to? That’s no problem at all. If you’re in school, approach a guidance counselor or a therapist in the university hospital. If you have the money, you can pay for a couple of therapy sessions to sort your mind.
9) Write down what you’re thinking and feeling
Writing down your thoughts and feelings will give you clarity on your emotions and where your head’s at. Writing has a way of slowing down your mind and structuring the information in your head. It will feel therapeutic like you’re releasing your emotions by expressing them and understanding them.
Remember, a huge part of getting over your crush is to express, understand and delve deep into your differing emotions.
If you’re wondering how you can begin journaling, try asking these three questions:
How am I feeling?
What am I doing?
What am I trying to change about my life?
These questions will give you insight into what you’re feeling and prompt you to think about the future, which is what you have to do to move on successfully from your crush.
10) Get your friends together and have some fun
Another great way to get over someone who wasn’t really yours is to blow off some steam with your friends.
As I mentioned above, your friends are your rock and your support network. Let them do their job and take care of yourself. Go out and get a drink or coffee with your friends. Let them remind you how awesome you are. Meet new people. Enjoy life! When you realize that there’s a lot more to this world than the crush you had, the quicker you’ll start feeling better.
11) Learn your lesson
Moving on from your crush will help you prevent making the same mistakes over and over again. Here’s what to keep in mind: It’s not your loss. The two of you might not have been together, but that doesn’t mean you’re the loser. If anything, you win back your time and focus.
When you’re finally over someone, you begin to know what you truly want in a person. Perhaps you realized that you don’t want a highly talkative person or that you don’t want someone who has the same exact interests as you.
There are valuable insights to be gained from having a problematic crush. No matter what, take what you’ve learned to heart. Doing so will help you someone in the future who’s not going to stress you out just because you like them so much.
12) Learn to love yourself
When you’re trying to get over a crush, it can be easy to slip into thoughts of self-loathing and self-doubt. So if you’re telling yourself “they’ll never like me because I’m not good enough,” you need to stop this negative cognitive bias because it’s probably not conducive to reality.
As I mentioned above, the reason they don’t like you might have nothing to do with you. Most likely it’s something that’s completely out of your control. It’s important to love yourself and realize that there’s a lot that you have to offer. You just need to meet the right person.
So take this time now when you’re feeling a bit crumby to get to know yourself. As Aristotle said, “Knowing yourself is the beginning of all wisdom.” Here’s a technique that can really help you: Sit down and write down a list of your top 10 biggest strengths. After you do that, you’ll have a better idea of what you bring to the table. It will become a lot easier to believe in yourself.
13) Find a new crush
You’re not going to feel hurt forever. As they always say: Time heals all wounds. Even if you want to think back to the ‘good old days’ with your old crush, you’re going to grow tired of it.
You’ll be busy with many other things and you’ll meet people that are actually worthy of your attention. And when you’re completely over your crush, your heart will tell you when it’s ready again.
You won’t know when you’ll have a new crush. Such a moment can happen while you’re eating your lunch or doing schoolwork. It can happen after a few weeks or several years. If you want, you can help your heart find a new crush. You’ll stop thinking about them and think about someone new. Download any dating apps like Tinder and OkCupid to quickly find someone who’s got all the qualities you’re looking for.
Even your classroom or office can be a place where you find someone special. Perhaps you’ve been ignoring an otherwise amazing person nearby just because you were so fixated on your crush before. What matters is that you are prepared. No emotional baggage. Only a willing heart.
14) Do things you love doing
One of the best ways to get over someone is to focus your mind on things you love doing and you’re passionate about. What makes you feel free? When you’re traveling? With family? Helping others? Perhaps it’s a new hobby you haven’t tried yet.
Consider what you get your juices flowing and do more of it! If you’re passionate about traveling, think about what solo trips you can do. Whatever it is, doing things that you’re passionate about will distract your mind and will help you get over your crush.
15) Practice patience
Above all else, you need to practice patience with yourself. You need to make time for yourself and allow yourself to remember what is great about you, without giving all of your power away to some guy who might not have even known you existed.
It’s a hard pill to swallow but the truth is that if you didn’t get in front of him to let him know you liked him, then you can hardly blame him for hooking up with someone else. Don’t beat yourself up thinking that you won’t make the same mistake again in the future. Just allow yourself the room to grieve and then move on.
Love hurts and it’s real, no matter how far away you loved someone from. Give yourself time to process what has happened and don’t try to explain it away. Accept that he’s found someone who is not you and work on finding yourself before you go out looking to give your attention to someone else.
How You Can Get Over a Crush: Sum Up
No matter who the person is, a crush is simply a crush. They will occupy your mind for a while, but they won’t stay there forever.
You shouldn’t be afraid to talk about these things with your friends and family. After all, everyone develops feelings for a special someone at some point in their life.
The good thing?
Everyone also moves on from their crush. Don’t fret about it.
You’re doing great. You’ll be fine.