What makes a man commit to one woman and not another?

What makes a man commit to one woman and not another? Just out of curiosity. Is it looks, personality, chemistry? Are there certain habits that a girl may have that would make her not datable? Like heavy drinking? A combination of things? I'm asking because this guy who was a friend of a friend always said he found me really attractive, he would always make passes at me, and I flirted with him quite a bit. Yet he never asked me out on a date. We hung out a lot in groups but other than that he'd never call me, never ask me out, nadda. Then I finally stop showing up and he gets a girlfriend a month later. This ALWAYS happens to me too! Every guy I date, none of them ever want to be committed to me and when I finally say enough they run out and get into a really serious relationship with someone else. What's wrong with me?!

To the responses about drinking.. do you drink or are you against drinking in general? Do men who drink still get turned off by women who drink? Thank you for the responses!


Most Helpful Guy

  • Personally, I would not date a heavy drinker. I probably wouldn't date a moderate drinker, either, so mine would have to keep any drinking at a minimum.

    As for what makes a man commit, the answer is both parties. A guy isn't going to commit to anyone until he decides he's ready to. However, he isn't going to commit to just anyone.

    As for drinking, there's several reasons why I don't like it. For one, it kills brain cells, and I only like intelligent women. For two, drinking makes you far more likely to do stupid sh*t, like hook up with a guy at a club and get his STDs. Also, going out and hooking up with guys means that YOU are not committing to ME, so there is no reason why I should do so for you. For three, it's unhealthy and expensive, and I don't plan to set aside half of my salary to pay for your booze and hospital bills from alcohol poisoning.

    When guys don't feel like getting committed, they're more likely to go for the fun, easy, hot girls just for excitement and easy sex. Once a guy is ready to settle down, he's likely to start looking for the girls who are down to earth, rational, and nice.

    • What do you mean by rational? Less emotional?

    • Yeah, basically. I had a friend who was terrible about that- she actually got into a fight big enough to break up with a guy because he was 10 minutes late to her house, and things like that were a common occurrence with her. Every time I talked to her, it was like treading on a minefield- do one thing wrong, and she just explodes. Dating someone like that would be a living hell.

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What Guys Said 1

  • i think its a combination of things. 1st off, don't kid yourself looks are important. I don't know of a guy who is gonna make a move on a girl that he doesn't find attractive. but that's not the only factor. every guy has turn ons and turn offs obviously. for me anyway, yeah heavy drinking is a turn off, but that's probably because I'm not much of a partier myself. I think for me the most important thing is chemistry. when you are with that person you just feel a connection, like they really get and understand you. I can't speak for everyone, but what I look for is that chemistry that just makes it feel right.


What Girls Said 1

  • If you are, in fact, a heavy drinker--or a heavy user of any type of drug--then people are going to be more prone to overlooking you as far as serious relationships go, no matter how responsible you may or may not be with your recreational usage. If you're not, then there's a very good chance you've just run into guys who aren't ready for a serious relationship. Once you make it clear that you're looking for a commitment, most guys who aren't ready for that will run as fast as they can in the opposite direction; even if they wind up with a "girlfriend," it's likely not anything serious. (How can it be, when he was just ogling the hell out of you and suddenly, Insta-Girlfriend?)

    You're fine, I'm sure. You seem like you've got a good head on your shoulders and I'm willing to bet there's absolutely nothing wrong with you at all--you're just demanding what you deserve and what you feel you need, and it can take time to find those things, especially when the odds of finding a man who can actually deliver are stacked against you. Best of luck. ?

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