The chase?

how much of it do guys really like and what's the best way to play it?


Most Helpful Guy

  • Here is how "the chase" works:

    Two people meet. They start to shoot signals at each other that they are interested in each other. They also await for signals from the other person to confirm that the interest is mutual. As this exchange progresses, the signals transition from subtle, to obvious. Eye contact turns into conversation. Conversation turns into actions. Actions turn into touching. Touching turns into making out. Making out turns into sex. Sex turns into intimacy. Intimacy turns into connection. Connection turns into deep closeness.

    (but the key point, is that it's a bi-directional process "guy --> girl AND girl --> guy". it's NOT a uni-directional process "guy --> girl" OR "girl --> guy")

    Here is how "the chase" works:

    A person (guy or girl) wants a relationship. A relationship is motivated by BOTH parties, having some benefit from being together. If the benefit they GET from the relationship, exceeds the benefit they GIVE (cost), then that person is motivated to stay in that relationship.

    The chase is nothing more than communication of information. It's not just in relationships between two people that are romantically or sexually interested in each other. It goes on in business, negotiation tables & board rooms all around the world!

    BOTH parties want information. And if they're not getting that information, or if they're not satisfied with that information; they walk!

    But isolating the discussion to JUST romantic & sexual interest;

    When Person A expresses interest or invests in the other person, Person A makes themselves vulnerable & stands to lose. Lose what? Sometimes money. Sometimes ego. Sometimes simply emotional well-being. But what about Person B? The person receiving these signs of interest & investments stands to gain; exactly what the other stands to lose. It's a complete balance.

    Think of a scale. When a guy is initiating, approaching, paying for dates, etc. He's making himself vulnerable, investing, and putting himself "at risk" (of losing). Very quickly, if there's nothing on the girl's end to balance that scale; the guy will leave. That's just common sense & self-preservation.

    Even if the guy is madly in love with you, and knows that you're the one; if the scale is imbalanced, he's going to rethink how he feels about that girl, his emotions & interest in her will fade (or reset) to zero, (since the interest isn't mutual), and he'll leave.

    "the chase" really tells both people, how insecure, emotionally needy, and selfish the other person is; and therefore, will likely continue to be in a relationship.

    A person (guy or girl) who often expects significant investment from the other person, before feeling safe enough to show interest or invest themselves; will often end up weeding out emotionally normal people, which means the only people left will be people who don't intend to stay in the long run; aka. players (both male & female players)

    • Deserves best answer

    • Show All
    • " When you respect someone (you know, like the person you want to be in a long-term relationship with) you're HONEST with them. "

      Beautiful, & yet, so SIMPLE.

      "This answer is 100% wrong. No matter how much guys say they don't like the chase..... You guys say you don't like games but when girls are direct, it's "annoying" . We all like the chase, girls & guys, nobody wants a desperate,person "


      Only YOU can prevent forest fires ^^

    • " ChelseyLately "

      Ano from above)

      Maybe it is the TYPE of guys you are lookig at.. Many gus & most MEN don't want to play gaes, & those that do, you really think it will STOP once together?

      When something is concieved with dishonesty, real trust NEVER develops & you BOTH feel slightly to LARGELY insecure& uncertain.

      Periodically you reinforce the chase to remind HIM or HER that they really DO like you- not WHY.

      All you KNOW, is they like the CHEMICALS released in the hunt & the chase*

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What Guys Said 14

  • chasing is for little kids playing tag. not for mature adults trying to find a potential partner.

  • Hey, here's the chase -> Cut to it.

    Some men who like to play the field do this cat and mouse crap.

    But respectable guys and women don't play around and waste time they don't get back.

    Many things have to be interpreted via a persons own personal interests influences and past experiences. So when you find that the guy or girl doesn't talk to you anymore after one particular day, the reason is they thought back on the past and decided they didn't need you in their future.

    Playfully or not. You've got to set rules for such things.

  • Chase? Who has time for that? Courting and dating are one thing which involves getting to know someone. Making someone feel wanted is one thing, if done in a mature relationship or casual dating it can be fine and healthy.

    Chasing? Nope, never played that game, didn't have time for it then and I wouldn't play it now. I usually dropped women who played games like a stone in water.

    Just my $0.02

  • You shouldnt play too hard to get as that can be deemed as mind games and most guys will tell you they hate mind games! If you like a guy, he likes you, talk to him! If he asks you out say YES! If he texts you text him back! If he calls you answer the phone! Keep it simple! Playing "chase" will only drive guys away and you will only end up attracting the wrong sort of guy.

    • But he plays them with me. he knows I like him but I feel like I'm showing too much interest so I want to back off. he will read my texts and answer back hours later, and reschedule on me so why can't I do the same thing? if I'm too available isn't that a turn off? I've never been the one to play games that's why I'm asking

    • I don't do any of the things that you listed. and I really do attract the wrong sort of guys.

      so yea, I fully agree :)

  • For me personally I hate "the chase". I think it's pointless, tedious, boring, and potentially emotionally hurtful.

    If you like the guy (or vice versa), tell him and start your relationship up. Otherwise move on.

  • The chase for me is fun for only a brief period of time. Then it gets old and If nothing has happened in the direction I'd like it to, I'll either make the move to have it happen, or just give up completely.

    Chasing girls around isn't high on my list of "Things I wanna do..." It can be a big waste of time if the chase lasts too long...

  • Argh I hate it I finally tell a girl I like her and she just plays with me.

    is that not enogh these days?

  • If you want me to chase you I think you'll find yourself running from nobody.

    • About emails or txting, do you like it when a girl txts you first?

    • I do, yeah. Obviously I feel more obliged to be first to text, but it is nice waking up in the morning before I have a hectic day at work with something like "Good morning gorgeous boy! :D xxxx" (actually got that text lol) or something..

    • Of course. If I'm always the one initiating, it gets to the point where I wonder if she wants to talk to me or is just answering my emails/txts to be polite. What else would I think if she never contacted me first. And the other commenter is right, that random unexpected message can really brighten your day sometimes.

  • I agree with everybody else, I don't waste my time and effort chasing some insecure little girl who likes the attention, if that happens I'll excuse myself and move on to the next cute girl I see.

  • I think that hard to get is good, But not too hard to get if you play too hard he'll run off.

    If it's hard to get we love it even more when we finally get it.

    • What are some things I should do? I know he's intersted in me but he plays the game as well so I want to play it back. its been like this for 4 months

    • If you both try and play hard to get, it will probably seem for both of you that neither is interested.

      And 4 months is a long time..

  • Not a fan of the chase. At all. It's okay for a little bit, but after that it just gets old.

    • Yep same here. Girls who play hard to get just bore me. It's like trying to reach the end of a rainbow, takes forever and who knows if there's a pot of gold on the other side? Argh!

    • Lol I agree. It's even worse when it ends up being not worth it after investing all of that time, so I just try to avoid girls like that.

  • I hate it, it is boring and immature

  • no guys like it.

    the best way is to not play it.

    goddamn women.

  • I like it only if the girl gives obvious proof she's interested, but I'm not going to follow a girl around when I could misread the signals. If I don't get the I want you come get me signal, Friend Zone!


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