+1 y

I know I messed up badly but I need help

OK be as honest as you can be even though its gonna be evil

but lets face it I deserve it.

OK my boyfriend "N" broke up with me because of my ex "J"

which is probably my fault too.

OK you see me and "J" were together for 3 years and then I told him I wanted a break but I ended up going out with my boyfriend "N". because of that my ex "J" pulled the whole suicidal act saying if I didn't leave my boyfriend and got back together with him that he was gonna kill himself, which I actually believe because he tried stabbing himself in front of me multiple times. so my ex offered me a deal if I leave my boyfriend "N" he was gonna leave me alone for a few months...no con tact, no anything. and if I didn't he would kill himself. so I talked to my boyfriend "N" about it and over hours of trying to figure out what t to do and crying for hours we decided we loved each other too much to let my ex tear us apart..but my fear of my ex actually doing that led me to do something which I regret and I should've told my boyfriend. I took the deal...but I didn't keep my side of it and I kept it from my boyfriend "N". I took if because I wanted to by time until my ex dropped the whole suicidal act, I wanted to find a other solution and now a few days ago my ex came back. you see the whole time my ex was away he would tell me to send him text msgs filled with lies saying that I was engaged to him and that I might be pregnant so he could use it as proof to show my bf"N" if I ever spoke to him again. well my ex came back and showed those texts to my boyfriend and now he broke up with. its been 4 days since this happened and I'm trying desperately to fix this. so my questions are.

1) what can I do to fix this?

2) is there any chance my boyfriend "N" will take me back?

3) and what would you have done if this happened to you?
Updates:
+1 y
ok thanks everyone for all of your advice.

my and "N" started talking again

he's willing to fix things but he just needs

some time to start trusting me again.

and I completely stopped talking to "J"
I know I messed up badly but I need help
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