How to compensate for lack of male attention and NOT cheat on my boyfriend, please read?

I am in a very committed relationship but I have always had low self esteem and despite the fact that tons of people consider me beautiful, I still got only a little male attention (of what I know) and most of those who liked me were people I would never date. I am just 22 and I don't want never to get any attention ever again just because I am very serious with my boyfriend. Of course I won't cheat on him but it would be nice if I let someone express his admiration towards me (sometime, ever). But now it's like... I feel guilty not to mention y boyfriend after a short conversation with a guy and after that of course he's never gonna tell me anything. How can I compensate for the attention without cheating?

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What Guys Said 10

  • You have an inside problem. And that can't be fixed or satisfied through an outside solution.

    Just like junkies who seek drugs and alcohol as a way to avoid their inner demons, or as a distraction, seeking attention and approval from others will NOT fix low self esteem, loneliness or neediness.

    It's impressive and important that you recognize that this is a self esteem issue. But I can promise you this... there is no amount of attention from gorgeous super models that will suddenly fix how you feel about yourself.

    That's why you're having this conflict. Trying to not cheat on your boyfriend while also seeking the comfort and safety of feeling good enough, pretty enough, and valuable enough as a woman.

    But this is an inside issue.

    You're not gonna like this solution, until you experience the freedom and well being it brings after you've accomplished it... but here I go anyways...

    True self esteem comes from the SELF. But what. you're doing is saying "I can only feel good about myself when others tell me I'm worthy, pretty, or they show it by giving me their attention."

    Neediness is like a hunger. Except asking the world to feed you leaves you a victim to the world. If the world is busy, you're left feeling hungry. Or in this case, feeling unworthy, depressed, sad, ignored, ugly, and ultimately always a victim of your circumstances. And the worst part is, you're only going to get older and older, and less physically attractive with time... which means men will always be less and less interested with time.

    How do you fix this?

    You learn how to feed yourself. You learn how to trust and value your OWN inner judgements and values. You must take responsibility for yourself, and for your feelings and for your values and for your neediness.

    You must learn how to decide your worth based on your own thoughts, not on the opinions of others. And that's a life long process, of course, but it takes very little time if you choose it.

    Needing men to like you makes you a sad victim of their whims and opinions.

    Deciding to choose how you feel about yourself, based on your own thoughts and inner discussions, makes you free of the opinions of others.

    The upside is that you can feel good about yourself everyday forever, and that when people reject or insult you, it doesn't bother you at all. Because in reality other people don't REALLY know you, like YOU do.

    That's all the space I'm given. I hope the helps.

    ~ Robby

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    • 2d

      Thanks, Robby, for taking time and energy and giving me a really great explanation. I really appreciate it. In theory, I understand what you mean, but in practice, it is hard to be self sufficient when you think all your thoughts and judgements are shit... So, of course I will try but I'm not sure I'll succeed. However, it is a little frustrating as a young woman that my best friend gets all the attention in a room and I get almost none, when objectively we are both considered very pretty.

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    • 2d

      u should do a ted talk

    • 2d

      This very beautifully and respectfully written response is excellent! Self help books are everything to me try those. Start thinking about your childhood in depth. Everything from what you observed about love as a child, to what you learned about self-image. Really get into the details!! Once you figure out where this excessive need for attention came from you can work on it. Best wishes!

  • Therapy, self-help books or articles, maybe talk about it with a close friend or relative.

    Whatever you do, DO NOT look for attention outside of your relationship. It's messed up, disloyal to your relationship, selfish, and it's an easy way to get yourself in a sticky situation.

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  • " I have always had low self esteem " ... That is the core of the problem , I am the reverse , I dislike attention and do not care if people like me or not. You must tackle this , if you want to keep a high quality partner , I have had my low esteem issues when much younger... the British Army and passing Para selection / training was the best low esteem " correctional training " ever !!

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  • Yep. This. Right here.
    It's called being attention whore.
    What you want is…imoral. In my book.
    "tons of people consider me beautiful" ← you got way more then I ever will have.
    I'd ask what is wrong with you, but…I don't really care. As far as I am concerned, I am just some random asshole on the internet. And you're anonymous, because of course you are. So as far as I am concerned, you're 54 year old bald guy, just trolling. I already see the fat…

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  • Just tell him he doesn't give you enough attention, if he doesn't do anything to give you more attention break up with him. There's no reason to cheat

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    • 2d

      Plot twist: your girl will treat you like this. How do you like it now? :-D

    • 2d

      What do you mean? If she's not giving me attention I'll tell her and say that if she doesn't make an effort I'll break up with her.

  • you try and get someone that compliments you. You won't need more attention

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  • You can't. and you shouldn't.

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  • Get more attention with him.

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    • 2d

      If only it was so easy. He gives me all the attention possible but I feel like I would like the attention to be about quantity of men too.

  • this is why im single 😂

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  • Sadly there are a lot of girls like you who "need" to get lots of male attention to feel validated and they let it screw up their happiness and their relationships. I would suggest seeking help before you screw up your current relationship, because you are definitely on a path toward that destination.

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    • 2d

      Do you think a therapist actually helps? Because I doubt it.

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      I think a therapist could help, yes.

What Girls Said 1

  • learn to be self sufficient. u dont need to have attention from other men.

    i lowkey hate girls like you

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    • 2d

      Maybe before you hate someone you should take their upbringing background into consideration.

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    • 2d

      I know. But only people with no past issues are quick to assume we can magically help it i a day and choose not to. People who do have them or have ever had them tend to sympathize and help, not judge and hate.

    • 2d

      i didn't say "change in a day" . i said u can change if u want to, i didn't say that it wouldn't take time and effort.

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