I’ve been friendzoned. One of my good friends did it to me but I think I did it to him first. I was talking w him one night about how I feel like women can generally have sex with,(or maybe not sex but say, a blowjob or handjob), with almost any guy they set their mind to. As soon as I said that he was like “not so fast girl, that’s not me”. But we’ve had a good friendship with no undertones of sex for about 5 years. I have friends he’s slept with, one of them is not attractive really at all, but they sext sometimes. So I know he’s got interest in her for other reasons. We just have no sexual chemistry. I have another friend, maybe one of my very best friends, and we’ve been really close for about 7 years. But I’ve always known he’s liked me, under the surface. I don’t think that counts as friendzoning, tho we’re friends only. He’s cute to me and I love him, but for some reason I would rather have our friendship as it is. I think the true test was me dating his best friend of 20 years, and we’ve remained solid friends. I feel like it’s kind of creepy if someone can’t be really “friends” with someone of the opposite sex. It may be immaturity, I’m not sure what it means. But it says loudly to me that that person is preoccupied with sex only, and they can’t see someone for who they are aside from anything related to sex with them.
No. Never as I don't believe in the friendzone crap. I believe that the best relationships start off as friends first and then maybe grow into a good relationship if both parties wanted that. People who care too much about that friendzone nonsense needs to seriously reevaluate how they treat their relationships with people. Friends are friends, but not every friend of the opposite is and can be your potential lover. You have to share things in common as well as share the same values, desire, etc. It's all about mindset. So don't try to date somebody who doesn't share them just because of their looks. That is the major problem. People focus too much on looks and petty things.
The friendzone is when a girl likes a guy enough to keep around, but has no romantic or sexual attraction to him. Girls are fine with this as long as he kisses her ass and does shit for her - they like validation. Weak guys, called beta-orbiters, will hang in there and keep doing things for her in the hopes that somehow or one day she'll change her mind and give him some sex. It's pathetic. Guys don't really do this, their motives are generally more pure, if you want to call it that, if she's DTF he's into her. Otherwise NEXT!! And really, why does a guy want to hang around a girl unless he's getting something out of it? To go shoe shopping? Or hang at the cosmetics counter? Seriously, guys are WAY more adventurous and fun.
Why would a guy friendzone a girl? This means he is attracted to her but decides Nah lets just keep her around as a friend.. makes no sense. If he isn't attracted to her then it is up to the girl to not want to hang around as a friend or not. He doesn't have some magical spell he puts on her. There is already a name for that it's called LEADING THE PERSON ON. Let's not get it twisted folks.
So are you saying the “friend zone” doesn’t exist? It must as there seems to be plenty of males and females that won’t be honest to an interested party by saying “I’m not attracted to you”. Nowadays they don’t even say “ let’s just be friends” it’s just an implication hence the friendzone.
@Mickey9999 He's saying men don't have need for a 'friend zone' as we typically don't NEED women for other things. Imagine me leading some girl on so she helps me clean my house... a girl on the other hand? Wouldn't hesitate. Every girl has a 'fix it' man. Some dude she leads on/flirts with to help her fix the toilet, hang some drapes, fix her car etc.
I disagree with this. If a guy asks me out, I tell him straight out I just like you as a friend! I don't lead them on either. If we start casually chatting and he asks me out, I right away tell him I'm not into him like that. I have male friends whom I highly respect and I don't ever lead them on. That's stupid and immature.
@demonics so you’re saying men and women cannot be friends? Friends as in emotional support or hanging out? There’s no need? by the way where do I find one of these mr fix its? My husband has been gone almost four years now and it would save me a ton from hiring out! 😁 I don’t believe in leading anyone on for any purpose. It’s just cruel. But as a romantic, I think a spark can develop out of friendship alone.
Kind of... I went on a date with a guy and then he referred to me as "sister" in a text message. So I assumed that he wasn't interested. Later I found out he still was.
Doesn’t sound like he couldn’t make up mind. You just said you made an assumption, why is it likely he “couldn’t make up his mind” instead of you simply jumping to a conclusion?
The problem is your mindset the problem is not him. It's not that he can't make up his mind, but that he felt an emotional strong bond with you. If you never bother to ask him if he saw you as somebody that he can have as a lifetime partner in the one at fault is not him it's you. You end up hurting people who truly want a relationship with you but may not be entirely ready to make that next step. Don't try to rush things. You people Rush too much and then you want to know why you're always heartbroken and get into trouble or end up with the wrong kind of person.
I didn’t say it was. i don’t understand why you’re so offended by that. It’s quite logical. Most men do like defining a relationship so if a male referred t me as his sister or even bff, i would assume he was no longer interested. So if I referred to you as a brother, you would still be confident in my attraction?
@Mickey9999 "if I referred to you as a brother, you would still be confident in my attraction? " I would try to make no judgement at all because it's not helpful. I would just ask the questions I wanted answers to. But also a woman saying it to a man would be a different context anyway, so those things aren't necessarily an apt comparison.
"It’s quite logical" Not really, it relies on individualized interpretations of subjective terms. More importantly, it's unnecessary. Acting on unnecessary assumptions of subjective things doesn't do anyone any favors.
"I didn’t say it was." Then there's no point in arguing about the validity of the assumption.
@Mickey9999 The fact that your even selfish is the cause of your hurt. Nobody else is responsible for your lack of maturity to communicate. Your too much about yourself, you probably didn't even care about how he felt.
Unless I say that I am not interested in that person in that way or don't want to be in a relationship, I do not want people putting words in my mouth that I never said. I had men treated me like this and they want to know why I said NO to begin with. My criteria are to be friends first so I can see how we work together, whether or not we have the same values, beliefs, etc. Especially since I'm Christian and most men that wanted to be with me were secular men but judge me for being Christian. That is wrong. Not everybody is compatible with you, but that doesn't mean you can't have great friendships. Know when to draw the line with your emotions. You get hurt because you keep putting people you may not be compatible with on a pedestal and then complain about what the other isn't doing. If they don't know how you feel about them, what do you expect them to think?
Because maybe that is his way of showing terms of endearment towards you. Sometimes they see you as a sister and then it grows into something else later on. It can happen IF you let it. But, you never did. You assumed. You never asked him why did he call you that. You never asked him if he had feelings for you if he would be interested in dating. You never made a move. You never confessed you weren't honest with him.
I'm not going to keep trying if someone refers to me as sister. I dont want to feel like a sister and then it grow into something, that's weird. I did assume but I think it was a safe assumption.
Then why even talk about it then? Your too impatient and selfish and you want to know why you feel like crap. You say you don't want to keep trying? Then you gave up. It's not him. There is nothing weird about it. You just have a hard to grasp that people show their affections in different ways. You basically broke this guy's heart. For nothing.
"why would someone call the person they want to date/love etc something like that?" -Because it could have been off the cuff. -It might not mean the same to him as what it means to you. -It could be a meme reference -Maybe after the fact he was super nervous that it may have come out wrong but though it would be awkward to correct. and whatever else. -Maybe auto-correct, who knows? It could be anything. Regardless of what it was you shouldn't use your assumption as absolute reality. If you're planning on ditching him anyway then there's no harm in asking directly "do you want to date me?" If he says yes then you're going to be red in the face.
"I don't want to feel like a sister" Then don't. It's only you who is seeing yourself that way here, so why are you sabotaging yourself?
"I think it was a safe assumption." I disagree but it doesn't matter. The thing is that it's a pointless assumption. If you want to know the truth them just ask. Making assumptions, even ones *you*(not necessarily others) think are safe is playing fast and loose with a serious matter.
@AllThatSweetJazz It does nothing. That's why she doesn't have him. He was interested and she blew it. Common sense. The guy owed her nothing. People needs to learn to vocalize what they want and stop allowing their anxiety and bias' hold them back from relationships that could end up being fulfilling. I don't care if somebody calls me sister. But what I want to know is are we going to be serious or not. I got a mouth, I use it. I expect the person who wishes to be with me to have the same attitude and mentality to use it as well. Otherwise, I would 'assume' you're a child if you can't open up your mouth. That's how I see it. I don't play guessing games.
Men aren't mind readers. You need to communicate what you want and need of them and if they care and love you enough, they will do it. IF you're worth it. Men who don't care about you, just won't do it. Not a hard concept to grasp.
@btbc92 The only thing I would add to that is to not take that to mean that the guy should be doing it first. Both parties should be prepared to take initiative and just because he *might* not doesn't mean you should pull away and be judgey. You're just as capable of opening that door and to leave it closed off something potentially wonderful just because of a stick up the butt is silly.
I’m curious as to why @AllThatSweetJazz and @btbc92 are taking this reply so personally. You know @stingrayxoxo yet you use words as in always and never. You accuse her of being hurt and wondering why now. No. She simply answered the question and said she friendzoned a guy because he referred to as sister! Sister is not a term of sexual endearment. Solely endearment yes but as in a sexual future. No. At least for most people it isn’t. I don’t know why you keep jumping down her throat for not assuming it was. I have male friends some actually related to my female friends and they do consider me a sister and after almost 50 years not one has made a sexual move unless confused as to what their real feelings are. In that close of a relationship cordial feeling. Can be confused as love but it doesn’t usually go towards a successful love affair. So enough. You’ve made you opinions known and she’s admitted to an assumption. You two are also making an assumption... assuming that something more could have came out of it had she just waited. It was her choice and she made it, just because you disagree doesn’t make it wrong.
We don't have to assume, we know because we ourselves are pretty much no different than the guy who she took as somebody who was ejected her. Nobody has to make an assumption we clearly put the pieces together that she did not personally want to fully admit to herself. And even if she admitted there was always change. And if she don't change her attitude then she's never going to really be happy with a person that's going to really be there for her and respect her. She is 30 years old she is not some lost teenage girl or some child that don't know any better. She has some sense of experience and should have learned from those experiences. U-Save just because we disagree it doesn't make it wrong. But it becomes wrong when it hurts people like us who just want to be with others who share our values. Because of this isn't get addressed in other people especially younger Generations are going to think this kind of behavior is acceptable because they getting it from us. They're learning from us who are supposed to be the adult figures in their lives. We are responsible for what kind of message we are sending out here and there was always somebody watching and judging. It is not supposed to be about sexual things. But it supposed to be about love and integrity. That's where your lot of people are missing the point. You think it's all about sex and it's not it's not supposed to be sexual until you are married. You are supposed to try to grow, Lawrence, and see if you are compatible and whatever else you choose to do afterwards should be left entirely up to the both of you. You make it all about sex and you want to know why others are hurt because of your choices.
As a person who no longer desires a relationship in that way I can no longer trust a man in that manner who says they want to be with me but do not respect my desires. A a lover is also supposed to be your best friend. So if they cannot learn to be my best friend who are they to try to call me their lover? People who only goes after you for sex are not good lovers. This idea of friend zone is toxic and is not something that's supposed to be. For decades many couples have started off as friends before they were betrothed to each other, or they chose to marry out of their own free will. It was never like this. You're right, she made her choice. But then end up being the same person who is not happy with the choices they made and complain later how they wish they had a good man in their lives. Nobody needs to get hurt because one as soon as the other wasn't interested. This is why a lot of people no longer want to date friends and they date strangers and people who are not good for them.
@Mickey9999 "taking this reply so personally." Why are you taking this reply so personally? Why would taking any of this personally or not be relevant?
"You accuse her of being hurt " I didn't accuse her of being hurt. I just pointed out that it's silly.
"She simply answered the question and said she friendzoned a guy because he referred to as sister!" I understand that's what happen, that's what I'm pointing at as silly.
"Sister is not a term of sexual endearment." Maybe not to you, but you don't get to decide what people intend with their words. I wasn't the one that said it was used that way, but I have heard it used in a "sexual way" so... yeah. But there are other aspects beside sexuality in a relationship and again, it literally doesn't matter in the slightest if no one has ever used that word in that way before because making the assumption is pointless.
"assuming that something more could have came out of it had she just waited" Nope. I'm acknowledging that there's other possibilities. I never said that anything was guaranteed to come of it. However I am saying that only one thing can come from letting it go for no reason.
"It was her choice and she made it, just because you disagree doesn’t make it wrong." Actually the issue is that she can never know if it's wrong or better understand the situation. So, wrong or right, we can't know that, but we can know it's silly.
My advice is simply just to ask if he likes you and bam, problem solved! It doesn't need any tact, it's very straightforward. In contrast to that, bailing out has no justification beyond the arbitrary.
Yes, I did. Said friend didn't take it well, so she's no longer my friend.
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
No I haven't.
Guys rarely friendzone.
They can simply not be attracted to a girl and consider her a friend. Being considered a friend from the start is not the same as being friendzoned. Being friendzoned is putting someone otherwise at least decently attractive into the "box" of being 'just a friend' in such a way that it means if they tried to initiate something more then the confines of the box prevent them from being seen as a potential partner.
If I considered them unattractive then I could consider them a friend but that wouldn't be friendzoning.
If I considered them attractive then I can be friends with them and calling them a friend has no impact on whether I consider them attractive.
The friendzoning phenomenon occurs when a guy that is at least not unattractive to a girl acts in such a way around her that makes her categorize him as "just a friend" where if he had been more confident and direct he would have been seen more as a "suitor."
This is why it's localized to girls and why guys don't' really do it. There's no such box that guys put girls into. Girls are either attractive or unattractive there is no behaviour that puts girls into a friend box. Your behaviour can make you more or less attractive but again that's not really about being friends, it's simply that you are or aren't attractive at any given time.
So if a guy only sees you as a friend it's because he doesn't find you very attractive (barring the plethora of circumstances that might also come up and cause that).
Whereas for girls it's *sometimes* the other way around, i. e friendzoning. If a girl doesn't find you very attractive it's *sometimes* because she sees you as a friend.
However I don't think people will accept that. Most are too used to their own definition of friendzone and will have variation of it that is basically synonymous with simply being friends -- which would make "friendzoning" obviously pointless terminology to me, but that doesn't stop people from powering through. So who the F knows what to make of the poll results?
Just when I begin to develop pretty little feelings, lol friend zoned like what the heck?
I know people are no psychics, I just wish they were😧its honestly frustrating when the person refuses to acknowledge you more than a mate of a platonic relationship! Usually I make it clear for the sake of friendship to guys that I ain't interested but them...
Even if I hit hard on them, they are just oblivious of how I feel.
There's only one down side to be with me, my feelings change in a week (no I'm not a player but still, its unfair on other's part)
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Anonymous
(30-35)
+1 y
I am a girl who is permanently friend zoned with all guys! I really don't know what I'm doing wrong but guys only want me as a friend and never to date. It's a weird position to be in because I can know guys very very well and be really close with them, but I can never be romantically close with them. So it's like a blessing and a curse in a way. I have a lot of amazing friends but because of something I am doing wrong, I will never have a boyfriend. But yes, it does happen to girls, not just guys!
There is nothing that you're doing wrong. Except not making your intentions clear when you choose to get involved with these guys as friends. If they don't see you as anything that they can have as more than a friend, nine out of 10 times they already have pre evaluated you as a person and probably see that you are not compatible in that way. It's not always about looks or just your personality. Sometimes it's your character, your morals and values. For an example say that you got into a conversation about marriage and he just happens to hear that you are so transfixed on marriage but he is not keen on the idea. You can use that conversation to gauge whether or not you are the type of person he wants to be in his life. But him not wanted to get married and you do again as an example. He is definitely not going to see you as a good dating partner. Why? Because you both want two different things.
I suspect very few hot or pretty women have been friendzoned by a guy. Whereas the women friendzoned were average looks or fat. I have, she was cool and I still wanted to be friends but she had a boyfriend at some point and he didn't like me. I think he knew her liking to me even though I had no interest in her. But both women I've friendzoned I didn't have sexual interest in because I didn't find them physically attractive and they did happen to be bigger girls.
I've friendzoned myself before as a way of getting my feelings out but still wanting to keep the friendship I had with that person - bit stupid and should've just not said anything. However I had a guy do the same thing to me and I think it's the best way to go about feelings if you aren't sure or don't want to ruin the friendship yet need the emotions out.
Did that, she freaked out and talked anything about that this isn't nice and equal rights but bit unlogical... years after, everytime I catch her looking flirty at me she acts distant and bit angry...(she friendzoned 9 of 10 guys who liked her, but thats something only woman can do according to her)
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Anonymous
(36-45)
+1 y
Yes he friend zoned me even though he told me he knew I was a good fit because he was still in love with his ex. She cheated on him a lo. Then he told me he was over her, that he was ready to give me a fair shot. Things were looking good for us then she decided she wanted him back and he started seeing her behind my back and next thing I knew they were back together. They’re married now, hope it lasts cause I feel it doesn’t I’m out.
A guy I liked friendzone me because he was 28 and I was 14. He lived next door and I would always flirt with him, change with my curtains open, wear a bikini and shorts on hot days, smile at him, wave at him, I sent him nude selfies, and videos of me masturbating. I broke out of the friendzone as he eventually cracked when I sneaked into his home when his and my parents were away.
That's a joke. I mean, it was illegal for him. I can tell you, when I was 24, girls 10 years younger were really little girls. I would have felt as a criminal.
Yes, girls get friendzoned all the time. Guys tend to focus on being friendzoned by top 10% girls and forget about the other 90% girls who don't look like models and can't just choose whatever guy they want.
Yep it was actually a girl that had dumped me in high school, she tried to get with me in college when she’s wasn’t as pretty but id just always shut it down, she was downright mad when I’d call her just a friend and give her those ass sticking out friendzone hugs that girls give guys 😂
Only the friends that were with somebody already. I don't dig cheaters 😒 and I guess a few that I really wanted to like romantically but could never get my self to be sexually attracted to😭
I friendzoned two girls in my life. Both were good friends and I did not wanted to ruin that friendship. Some year after I actually kissed one of them. It was just a kiss don't know if that actually got her out of the friendzone or not xD
I do friendzoning girls a couple of times. I just feel that I don't wanna be involved in any relationship anymore. Even for now, it's falling apart. Long distance relationships, again, suck. :)
I remember now that I clearly did. I friendzoned a girl in high school, and my 'friends' started teasing her about it. I felt really bad so I confronted them about it
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