I am a shy, nice guy but get rejected all the time?

[ikiruslands]

Dude, I think the fact you have attempted to date over 50 girls is a bad sign and could be linked to other people's perceptual problem toward you. Think about it, say you're Katelyn and you are aware how many and how often I ask a girl out, do you really think I'm sincere at all if I were tell you I like you? probably not. also, you have spoken to this girl only twice, you can't really say whether or not you like her, all you can say, for sure, is that you have some type of infatuation or sexual attraction towards her, or even, and this is the impression I'm getting, you are overly desperate for some female attention. my advice is more long term and hopefully helpful once you graduate high school and move on to university, but you cannot seem/be desperate. you're current problem is that you are in high school and everyone knows you and your past. I honestly don't think you'll just be able to get a date before you graduate, maybe but I would not make it a goal. you need to think about who you are and how you can improve yourself emotionally, physically, etc so that later you will not just be asking girls out because they speak to you, you will befriending girls, getting to know them, and then dating them. statistically girls require less physical attractivness in guys than guys do in girls in order to want to date, so what does that mean? it means that once you leave your curent bad situation for a new where no body knows you then you can start becoming an awesome, cool, emotionally "there" guy. But again, you should never come off as desperate or you really like someone too soon. you have to be somewhat aloof and don't make it so obvious. after REALLY getting to know a girl, then you can start being more emotional, but statistics are in favor of aloofness. to recap, do not worry about getting a date before you graduate, 1. its not important, and 2. due your past mistakes and perception it probably won't happen. so instead, look to university as a way of starting fresh. and do not ask a girl out because she speaks to you. and don't stare alot, I'm not sure if you do that now, but just in case, and the easiest way to get a good date is this: a little in the semester make a funny/witty comment to a girl next you. if she giggles or comments in agreement back then that's good. do not start really talking yet, just some here or there. after a little longer you can start having a few conversations before/after class and if the vibe is right, and you should know if you are not responding out of desperation, you can ask her out. maybe first to lunch or coffee on campus first, but that's somewhere right?

[Anonymous]

Some of the advice is good here, some of it is terrible. Here's my opinion... Forget being friends first. As a few guys have said, that's the worst advice ever. It's never helped any guy get laid. If you tell a girl you want to be her friend she will always see you as a friend and nothing more. Either that, or some guy who didn't f*** around pretending to be her friend (which is a p**** thing to do) will f*** her, and you'll have lost your chance.

Now I think you should always show your interest in the girl and let her know the reason you're talking to her is because you're attracted to her, not pretending to be friends and hiding it out of fear of rejection. Girls want a strong, confident guy, not a p**** who is afraid of saying what's on his mind. But also as a few girls have said, if you come on too strong, you'll be seen as desperate - that's going to put girls off. Also another girl said that if you're approaching a girl because you want a girlfriend, and it seems like you'll take anybody as long as it's a girl, then again you're gonna come across as desperate.

The best way to approach it is to have some standards. Think about what you want in a girlfriend. What qualities do you like a girl to have? Write them all down if you have to. Then stick to them. For me, a quality I like is that a girl is a non-smoker. If I find out a girl smokes I won't date her. Little things like that make a difference. I don't come across as needy because I won't just take any girl, if she doesn't meet my standards I'm gone. That's what girls are talking about when they say they want a guy who is a "challenge", they want a guy with high standards who won't just take anything he can get.

So when you approach a girl, tell her that you find her attractive and that you want to get to know her. Don't try to make her your girlfriend straight away, see if you like her first, see if she measures up to your standards. Have fun getting to know her (not as"just friends", but as a potential girlfriend). And then don't be afraid to move the relationship forwards once you've decided you like her (as in asking her to be with you, going for the first kiss, sex etc.) because guys nearly always have to make the first moves..

[JanJan]

Women tend to hang out in flocks, don't they? I wouldn't ask her out in front of her friends unless it was a last resort, for a few reasons. First of all, it really isn't anyone else's business. Second of all, it is easy to get nervous in front of a crowd. This might change how either of you deal with the situation.

Try and build a friendship with some girls before asking them out. Do you have this girl in any of your classes? Clubs? Maybe you could ask her to help you with a tricky math question, or if she wants to practice sports/drama/band/whatever with you. If you have a group of friends going out somewhere, invite her and her friends along. A guy friend of mine (who I really never noticed at the time) started hanging out with me more and more, and then I really started to notice him. I wouldn't have realized what a great guy he was unless he got involved with my life. And we are still dating to this date! When she gets used to having you around, then she will see how awesome you are. This will influence her decision. It's hard to know what to say when a guy who you really know nothing about asks you out. But if a guy who I hung out with asked me out, I would know enough about him to make a decision.

And for the record... You probably hear this a lot, but don't worry about high-school relationships. If you don't get one, who cares? Everyone in high school exaggerates about how many people they date and what they do. The real world is so much better. Trust me, not having a girl friend till college won't be a big deal. Girls won't give a crap if you've dated other girls before. I'm graduated and with my first boyfriend (the guy I mentioned before), and it really wasn't a big deal waiting till grade 12.

But feel free to try a relationship if it happens to fall into your lap. Have fun, and be yourself. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Ah, I hate when girls label guys as stalkers! It makes me so mad! I am so sorry! Two different girls said that about my brother growing up... He is just shy and spaces out (the girls thinking that he is looking at them). I know my brother well enough to know that he isn't even thinking about those girls... He's never dated anyone either and he's older than you! I'll tell you just like I tell him. Let it go when people say that kind of thing about you... even though it hurts, you know that's not who you are. Just be confident in your own skin, and don't worry so much about getting a date. You don't want to go out with just anyone, right? There's nothing wrong with you. Just be cool about it, and if you really like this girl Katelyn, then be calm and polite. Open the door for her, smile kindly. Girls like a gentleman. You don't even have to say anything. If she starts to show interest by smiling back, etc, then go up to her and start conversation with her. Even with her friends being there... I think that's good, it shows that you're confident and you're not worried what they think. I think you'll be fine. It's not a bad thing to not have dated anyone before you graduated, seriously... I think girls like that more. At least I find it to be flattering when a guy who hasn't dated anyone pursues me. I feel honored. If she doesn't, then she's not worth your time. ;) You'll be fine.

[kristyle]

I kind of understand how you feel, I am sometimes shy and I didn't start my first relationship till 21, its over now, but I began feeling hopeless all through high school and first year of college since everyone had boyfriend/girlfriend way before the age of 18. It is fine to have that goal, one date before graduation, but it is not as bad as you think even if you do not have a date after you graduate.There is much more life after high school and you will soon find that out, so don't worry if you do not reach that goal. Work on being more confident in yourself and it is probably best that you approach her while she is alone. Approaching or talking to someone while they are grouped with friends can be intimidating and if you are naturally shy, it can become an awkward situation. So the both of you need to be on fair grounds, where she is by herself and you are by yourself and then approach. Relax and work on having confidence in yourself. If you feel unsure about yourself that will come across and that may be a turn off, so as best as you can learn to play it cool. About the stalker things kids are just mean like that and I know you most likely are not one even though they labeled you as such. You sound like a decent guy, just work on your confidence, even if you have practice what you are going to say in the mirror.

[arsnic_uk]

Hey chap don't worry about it^^ Relationships shouldn't be forced. Tbh if Katelyn likes you, and you both hit it off in a conversation by all means give it a go. Just don't label it "DATE". That'll just turn on alarms in her head and make her run in any direction possible. Thus causing you to get burned. Also doing it in front of her friends, will not only cause her to turn you down (cos according to you her friends find you weird), but you will lose your cool. So ideally, if you could catch her when she's alone...just pop the question. Ideally don't make it too complex like...oh will you have a candle lit dinner with me under the moonlight. That's OTT. Rather just see if she's up for lunch or something;)

As for future reference. Not having a relationship before you graduate is really no biggie. Seriously 17 is still young. Should use that time to develop yourself characteristically. Start investing your time in things you want to do then just the whole relationship part and getting with a girl. When you get to uni, you'll meet someone who likes you for who you are. Trust me^^

Goodluck!

[arubian06]

i am shy too, and in high school I got beat up because I finally worked up the courage to ask a girl out and she did not like me one bit it seems. she told her big brother who was a police officer that I was stalking her. so he came and beat me up with a club and threaten to throw my A** in jail if I ever approached her again. so do not worry, at least your not worse than me. if you are shy and nice, focus on the nice. open a door for her, help her with whatever she needs help with if you can. but remember, do not be her errant boy. just be nice and not a pushover. one piece of advice, if you want to talk to this girl more just sit close and listen to what she and her friends are talking about and give an opinion out of the blue. it has worked wonders for me, just be sure the topic is something you are familiar with. if they let you in on the conversation you would get to know about the girls thoughts on the matter being discussed, you would appear confident and not weird to her friends and it could even boost your own confidence. 3 birds with one stone. just remember the topic must be something you're familiar with or otherwise know like the back of your hand. th last one being ideal. give it a shot.

[sigsauer45]

ok were to start with this one you 17 years and been shoot down 50 or more bother don't let this get you are just 17 and you have lot and lot of time to find that gril hoo like becouse you are and not what you look like or what you were in high school grils are mostly out for the jocks. the gril in high school are all so stuck up on them self,s so don't think you the only guy that be shoot down more than 50 time,s As we are guy,s you not the frist and you won,t be the last guys that fills this way but we as guy,s just have too step up to the plate and keep sweing at the ball or in this case the grils to get just one that will go out with you for you and win you get to collage this will get eazer to find a date so just hang in there some gril will go out with you. becouse of hoo you are so just be you,r self and stick too you,r gun,s and keep asking the gril,s out and you will get one to say yes she wood love to go out with you and go and have a good time with her and hoo know you my get gril friend out of it then you can show the rest the gril that shoot you down what they miss out on a really grate guy and you will have the last word.

[Quadrophonic84]

I know it seems important now, but the sum total of everything that happens in high school means nothing. I did not start dating until I was 18 and then I was dating a lot. Everyone has their own path obviously but I'm just saying high school is not a good indicator of what your life will be like.

I wouldn't advise you to approach this girl in front of her friends since that's a complicated situation: basically you kind of have to pay more attention to her friends to get her interested and it doesn't really sound like you'd be that comfortable making that happen. So perhaps one on one would be best.

The other thing to remember when approaching girls is not to seem like you're hitting on them. See, women all search for higher social value. This means they really only want to be with guys that elevate them in some way, usually socially. If you go up to a girl and act like you're groveling or complimenting right away or that she's already great for you, it sends the message that she's already above you and that being with you would not really give her any more value. So, she (and the other 50 girls) ignore you.

When you approach these girls, talk to them about neutral things. Stuff that's happening at school. Something funny/cute or perhaps an inside joke or something you could share is always good because they are much more likely to be friendly if you make them laugh a little bit. Whatever you do, don't just walk up and say "Hey I like you let's go out sometime". This drives them away.

Good luck man. It gets better after HS in many ways. Don't sweat it.

[art84]

Your trying way too hard to get a girlfriend and seem kinda desperate. What I would recommend is becoming their friends first than when the time is right ask them out. No guy would ask out a girl that he hardly knows out as it would make the girl feel awkward to say yes. Your young so you have plenty of time to find a girl, try college girls there are more mature than say high school. High school is just the minors while college is the major leagues. Lots of girls that are looking for single guys fresh outta high school. As for asking the girl out , don't do it front of her friends. Make things awkward for her and you. Ask her when she is alone, don't be nervous and dress up nice. If you act nervous she will have second thoughts and turn you down. I say you make low self esteem, heck I have that as well but would never ask out 50 girls before the age of 17 years old. That right there seem pretty stalker to me if I was a girl. Maybe people calling you a stalker is cause you come on way to strong with girls. Dude, relax and just let it come if a girl is interested in you, she will notice you and start up a friendship with you. Be her friend for the time being not need to rush things out. As for your friend, maybe he is just confident and doesn't act weird around girls. Girls like a nice looking guy and maybe he just brings off the right vibes.

[fallen_angel_01]

Hi there,

I'm sorry if my English sounds a bit weird, I'm German and a 35 year old woman. In general women are attracted by different types of men, some of the shy sort just like you, some of the daring sort.

To tell a shy guy to be more outgoing doesn't work. Shy people usually have a low self esteem. They get rejected a lot and that hurts, so they fear it. Therefore they are careful and they run out of words easily. Probably the girls misunderstand the signals you send out to them. Some shy people also reject unconsciously and this is not intentionally. It's the way they look or talk or even not - or the non-verbal signals you send out.

I agree with X-Tina 20. You need confidence and learn how to love yourself, to believe in you and your abilities. Every person in your life who makes you stronger, who cheers you up and gives you a good feeling about yourself can make you more confident. Sometimes we are also blind, we run behind people who don't care about us only to get attention but we don't realize the people who run behind us.

And yes, you should talk alone to her :) wish you good luck. If you wish to change things on yourself I can tell you it works. I was shy, quiet and introverted during my adolescence. I had not much friends and I was bullied a lot. I didn't dare to say no to people. I have changed a lot; we all can if we really want.

Oh probably I should mention, some women are attracted by men who are not easy to get. Probably you need a bit more aloofness and don't be clingy.

Hope there is something which can help you.

Karin :)

[tboy1011]

don't sweat it. It may not seem like it but rejection happens all the time. You can't force someone to like you or even want to go on a date with you. But really who is missing out? Tell yourself that they are, and just have fun whatever your doing. Because while you may not be able to control if they go out with you, you can control your attitude and be happy. Trust me girls definitely like happy men better than ones moping around feeling bad for themselves. Be happy you're young and have many good years ahead of you. Make these your best years and the next better regardless of how others treat you

[romancelover]

shy doesn't get the girl dude... if I were you I would go up in front of her and flat out tell her, "I think you're pretty, I know you're smart (or whatever she is), and I believe you'd enjoy a date with me tonight at Chilies (or whatever place, but make sure it's not high class... not a good on first date. ;) lol) Yes, girls say they love shy, sensitive guys but even sensitive guys have to go out there and get the girl's notice.

As for the stalker... it's high school dude, that's just the way it goes. If you're cool enough you can think of a cool pickup line like "Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?" (I personally love that one, though nobody has ever used it on me yet lol) Or you can just ignore it and just ask her... just make sure there's no stuttering, your wearing good clothes, and your hair is washed... you have no idea how much the dirty hair is a turn off lol

[aikidy]

probably the smell of your mouth when you talk :-s

or the Wrong approaching method

or you're failing to give a good impression..

Or maybe you have a bad reputation !

Don't mind your friends , doing the approach alone is always success for me..

when my friends tell me you should approach that girl I just say yaah she's hott... and I never approach her.Friends are a**es,

approach a girl alone Only if she seems to be ready to talk with you, when in Group or with her friends you need a good cause , and you'll also need some courage and charisma

[Anonymous]

shy guys get rejected all the time cos they are shy. And its not so much the other person rejecting, its also because you don't have the confidence to go asking and actually actively asking people out.

But that being said, if someone doesn't like you or isn't interested in you, don't confront them. You need to learn some signals.

Does she smile at you?

Does she start conversations with you?

Does she hang out with you?

If the answer is no, don't bother asking her out.

If its for strangers, its still similar: Does she make eye contact and smile?

If its no, you don't have much chance. You can try talking to her, but for most people, attraction does matter. If its not there already, a little smile or something, there's no use trying to convince someone to like you. You'll see when someone likes you.

[Anonymous]

Don't talk in front of friends. Save yourself the embarrassment in case she rejects you as well. Has she shown any interest in you at all? You may want to start by just talking to her in a nonchanlant way about school stuff or something...don't go right to the date thing. See her reaction to just talking to you...then next time talk a little more if possible. If there's a connection with her you'll know...if not then back off. If her friends are interrupting, she may have asked them to as well. Sorry but that's the truth, I remember asking girlfriends to intervene is a certain guy approached me at school. I didn't hate him but I just wasn't interrested in him and certainly didn't want to give him the chance to ask me out so that I'd have to reject him, which I hated doing to guys since it made me feel bad for him.

[Sapphires4Life]

I'm going to be honest with you, so please don't take offence. Girls seem to have this tendency to pick out guys who are a little on the devious side rather than the innocent side. Why? Because devious guys are a challenge, and just like in guys' cases, it's all about the thrill of the hunt. Putting yourself out in the open is a good thing, but if you don't provide a challenge, girls will almost immediately lose interest in you. Do you understand?

You also might be trying too hard. =/ Be FRIENDS with the girl before you go all, "I totally like you! Let's date!" Yeah, that'll freak some girls out if you just jump the gun. Develop the friendship, REALLY get to know the girl, THEN see if you can make something happen. Not only is it about chemistry now a days, but TIMING as well.

[DarkShadow1980]

I was also labeled by a couple people as a stalker in 9th grade. Now I'm a senior in high school and the ones who labeled me are pretty much unliked d***s and losers in my opinion, and I have since risen a fair amount on the social chart.. I mean, I don't know you at all, but the best is, first try to be friends. Don't view them in the since of, oh, I want to bang that, just view them as a friend you'd want to know. If you then since that they like you, give it time, at least a month or so, so you guys can get to know each other, and then admit your feelings.

Have good hygiene.

Workout, honestly no hot skinny girl wants to date a bunch of lard.

Don't be selfish or self centered.

Don't be arrogant.

Don't be a d***.

Things like this should help. Good luck!

[Anonymous]

Why is this issue so important to you?

When I was 18 I had never been rejected, but I never fecking bothered about boys. And If a dude did come over to me, for that sort of thing, I gave him a weird look, said "yeah right", and went home to watch star trek.

You sounds as though you are obsessing over getting female attention so much so that you don't care who the female is.

Women want to feel wanted, not by men that will have anything, but men that have some standards.

You may not think that women can read these things about you, but we can. Millions of years of evolution, we can sense desperation a mile off.

You need to stop giving a sh*t, you have a hand and the web is full of p*rn. Be patient, and forget about needing to pull a chick. And as soon as you do, it will happen.

[jeune]

You really are a shy type. You know what, you gotta get out of that comfort zone and try to be brave enough to approach people. I don't mean to offend you with this but maybe your a type of guy who has a lot of insecurities. I'm not pretty sure of that but its just my impression. :) . Try to be friendly. Always put a smile on that handsome face of yours. Have an optimistic mindset on things and prettty much everything would turn out the way you want it to be. Don't get tired of trying until you achieve it because that is the secret of people who were able to succeed with their journey.

[JH5022]

There are so many single girls out there it is ridiculous. You have to have confidence. Playing sports helps build that a a lot. If you get tackled by a linebacker then you can ask out a girl. Be calm and chill out and make yourself look as attractive as you can. Look how Zac Efron and Tom Cruise dresses and acts.

[mb31213]

Definately talk to her alone. Also think about it, would you rather get like a bunch of girls but relationships always end badly and quickly or maybe wait a while and get something that lasts? There's plenty of girls who would love a nice shy guy and some of them might be shy themselves, which wold explain why you haven't found the one. But wait it out, maybe try to break out of your shell a bit while still being yourself. Best of luck! :)

[erikah272]

Ok so just be confident and believe in yourself. go up to her with or with out friends and ask if you can talk to her. if she is with friends ask polietly if you can talk to her in private and just get to know her. Don't just jump to the gun and be like I like you will you go out with me. you have to ease into it and get her interested first. once you know she likes you go ahead and ask her and I hop I helped you I know this is a tough thing to do and that its easier for me to tell you this rather than you acc doing it but just take a chance and I'm sure your a great guy so she better like you. :)

[missbrittany]

You should ask her alone. And even if things don't workout for you now, they will in the future. There is someone for everyone. Pray about it, and God will help ya out! I'm sorry that females can be so rude sometimes. It's really sad. But you don't need anyone negative in your life anyways!

[oxidizer235]

you are making too much of this... girls want what they want.. you need to just live your life. I been there where you are... it's not nothing nice, I know. I have had girls SLAP me for asking them out (nothing crazy, they just was mean like that)... just live and learn, dude... it wnt always be like this