My college prof has been hitting on me. Am I just one of many?

Question

I'm a 26 year old female and good looking. I don't say that to sound cocky, but I've been told that many times. I don't try to flaunt it, I've always been on the more tomboyish side and I don't behave in typically "womanly provocative" ways. Because I notice older men liking me quite often, I try to be more like a child when I'm in university, I don't want any professors to get the wrong idea (there was one who was crazily into me and it was excessively exhausting, that's why I try to avoid that now).

It seems though that now there are sympathies between a 25 years older professor and me. I noticed right away, didn't think much of it though. He seems to have liked me instantly and a lot at that, I was merely curious about his personality and work. Now, I think he's ok to get along with and I like that he's easy-going, but I'm far from idealizing him.
I noticed stuff at the beginning of the semester: him getting very emotional or quiet around me, staring at me, blushing, doing everything to impress me, in the evening pointing at the sky and talking about the stars, calling me good-looking, being super tender with me and honestly really cute. He's also been finding reasons to touch me or move his body very close to mine. At first I wasn't sure if that's maybe normal for him since he's so chill, but when someone else came in, he moved away from me, so clearly he didn't want the other person to see.

It was interesting, until he stated that he's married. He also clearly seemed off and nervous when he said that. Now I'm wondering if he's been doing all this to other students as well.

I have no desire to cause him a problem, nor do I have the nerves right now to cause a scene for my own sake. I need to concentrate and get my shit together.

But for the sake of my own curiosity - and perhaps a tad of disappointment - how probable is it that he's been doing this several times already? Wouldn't he be really dumb to do that?

Answer 1

DavidDong

Xper 5

I doubt he's been doing it to other students.

Either way its irrelevant, he's married, that's adultery if you go further with him.

Dont be the wench in the works, leave those that are married alone. They need to make the decision to divorce.
If you like him that much I guess you could hint at the idea I don't know

Look it's you, just dont mess with the married, be friends...

Asker

17 d
I don't intend on getting involved with him, married men are clearly off limits as that is basically a recipe for heartbreak. I don't think I could take a superficial relationship, even if the terms were agreed upon right in the beginning. It would be too hard for me to get emotionally even closer to him, but to know that I can't be with that person for real. I see no reason to break my own heart. And of course it's also not my place to butt into someone else's relationship and life.

I was just wondering if he's a pretty low person who does this to others. Why do you think he's not?

Answer 2

Asker

I don't intend on getting involved with him, married men are clearly off limits as that is basically a recipe for heartbreak. I don't think I could take a superficial relationship, even if the terms were agreed upon right in the beginning. It would be too hard for me to get emotionally even closer to him, but to know that I can't be with that person for real. I see no reason to break my own heart. And of course it's also not my place to butt into someone else's relationship and life.

I was just wondering if he's a pretty low person who does this to others. Why do you think he's not?

Answer 3

slatyb | 599 opinions shared on Flirting topic.

Master

Seems very likely that you aren’t the first. This is all highly unprofessional and could cost him his job. You might remind him of that. Is there anyone else teaching this class? Maybe you could change sections.

Asker

17 d
I can't change classes right now. If I did, it would be a hassle and would hurt me more than just enduring this and learning to deal with it. And that's why I'm here - he's creating an emotional closeness between us and at times I feel like I can't escape it. And that's unfair if, as you say, he's done that to others too.
I need to understand what the best way to look at him is. I've tried being closed off and distanced, and he notices right away. He always searches for ways to get close again. I'm ok with being "friends", but if that means noticing his advances all the time... ?
I think that a man who's married and wants to stay that way should behave correctly enough to not send out any mixed signals to other women.

Sure this is highly unprofessional, but I fear that it's still pretty normal for men of a certain generation. It would be better if I was "special" to him, but if not, it's just quite sad.

Answer 4

Asker

I can't change classes right now. If I did, it would be a hassle and would hurt me more than just enduring this and learning to deal with it. And that's why I'm here - he's creating an emotional closeness between us and at times I feel like I can't escape it. And that's unfair if, as you say, he's done that to others too.
I need to understand what the best way to look at him is. I've tried being closed off and distanced, and he notices right away. He always searches for ways to get close again. I'm ok with being "friends", but if that means noticing his advances all the time... ?
I think that a man who's married and wants to stay that way should behave correctly enough to not send out any mixed signals to other women.

Sure this is highly unprofessional, but I fear that it's still pretty normal for men of a certain generation. It would be better if I was "special" to him, but if not, it's just quite sad.

Answer 5

Hmmmbetternothere

Xper 5

Yes, he runs risk of termination. Probably best to move on if married too.

My college prof has been hitting on me. Am I just one of many?

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