Why would a man say he doesn’t want to start anything until he’s back from working abroad, but text her everyday like they’re together?

Question

Why does he want the option to be with others if he expects her to act like they’re together? He complained about being the only one pursuing, but she explained she thought he was seeing others and didn’t want to get in the way. What exactly is he expecting from this? I’m so confused. I figured it was only friendship at this point.

Answer 1

boggboss | 874 opinions shared on Flirting topic.

Master

Not wanting to start anything serious by declaring they are together but still work towards that goal

React

1 Person

Asker

1 y
Because he wants to get around first right?
boggboss

1 y
No necessary has he stated that he is talking to others
Asker

1 y
No (I’m not sure he would though even if he were)
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boggboss

1 y
And does he know u are only talking to him
Asker

1 y
Not really, I’ve not specifically said that.
boggboss

1 y
So u too are in the same situation
Asker

1 y
Yep, seems we’re in that early unclear stage still. I just don’t want to come on stronger than him tbh, he’s a pretty good looking man so I’m sure he’s not short of women.
boggboss

1 y
Yet he is still talking to you yet he is still talking to you and talking about him only pursuing so it clear he still likes u to some degree
Asker

1 y
I know, but to what degree is the question lol
boggboss

1 y
If your questioning it then ask him say u are confused by the current situation your not sure on what was meant by not being serious yet he still wants to put effort in
Asker

1 y
Yeah I could try and hope he’s clear about it himself.
boggboss

1 y
At this point u might aswell and go feom there hun
Asker

1 y
Yeah, or maybe just go with the fact that he doesn’t want anything legit right now as an indication that he wants to keep his options open.
boggboss

1 y
But why at that point your going off a assumption when you can get a answer from the guy in question
Asker

1 y
Because I may end up feeling more naive by asking I suppose
boggboss

1 y
Put your pride aside there is no issue asking questions relationships survive on understanding and u get that from asking why be botherd by the need to ask that showsn you are doing your part for things to work if he has a issue with it that shows him to be playing games and not right for you no man that wants a lasting relationship will have a issue with u asking somthing if you are truly asking out off a misunderstanding
Asker

1 y
Yeah that’s true.
Asker

1 y
The thing is, this guy was flirting lots with me before he found a girlfriend, went quiet for about 3 months, messages me again (very flirtily) for months, hoes quiet again for a couple or so weeks while he's with her, and the minute she leaves he's back to flirting with me again. He's initiated with me for years, I've kept it friendly. Since they've broke up and he's moving back by me he's been pursuing me more heavily. (I had no idea about this other girl until I figured it out myself as he never said anything when I bought up before about if he had any other women on the go previously). It's like he just flits to whoever he's closest to which is why I'm more cautious, but I don't know, he's tried to say it wouldn't be casual but actions have to match words too at some point so I'm just trying to figure out whether I should give him a chance or not. What are your thoughts on his reasons for his behaviour? Somewhat understandable or not?
boggboss

1 y
Most likely u are a back up option
Asker

1 y
So don’t agree to meet him right...
boggboss

1 y
Thats truly uoto you but looking back good intentions or not there is so much drama and suspicion between you and him maybe it would be better not too
Asker

1 y
I know it’s up to me, I’m just simply curious about a guys perspective on the little bit of info I can give here. Drama can be worked out if both people are willing, that’s what I’m getting at, is it worth it as in does it appear like he’d be willing to see if anything genuine can come of it.
I mean do people really initiate texting or calling back ups daily for months?
boggboss

1 y
I knew a guy dmthat did it for a year just to have sex with a girl and ghost her peoples intentions change and can be weird but I'm not sure what u are now asking as it seems u don't want to talk to him about it but u also don't want to drop it

Answer 2

Asker

Because he wants to get around first right?

Answer 3

boggboss

No necessary has he stated that he is talking to others

Answer 4

Asker

No (I’m not sure he would though even if he were)

Answer 5

boggboss

And does he know u are only talking to him

Answer 6

Asker

Not really, I’ve not specifically said that.

Answer 7

boggboss

So u too are in the same situation

Answer 8

Asker

Yep, seems we’re in that early unclear stage still. I just don’t want to come on stronger than him tbh, he’s a pretty good looking man so I’m sure he’s not short of women.

Answer 9

boggboss

Yet he is still talking to you yet he is still talking to you and talking about him only pursuing so it clear he still likes u to some degree

Answer 10

Asker

I know, but to what degree is the question lol

Answer 11

boggboss

If your questioning it then ask him say u are confused by the current situation your not sure on what was meant by not being serious yet he still wants to put effort in

Answer 12

Asker

Yeah I could try and hope he’s clear about it himself.

Answer 13

boggboss

At this point u might aswell and go feom there hun

Answer 14

Asker

Yeah, or maybe just go with the fact that he doesn’t want anything legit right now as an indication that he wants to keep his options open.

Answer 15

boggboss

But why at that point your going off a assumption when you can get a answer from the guy in question

Answer 16

Asker

Because I may end up feeling more naive by asking I suppose

Answer 17

boggboss

Put your pride aside there is no issue asking questions relationships survive on understanding and u get that from asking why be botherd by the need to ask that showsn you are doing your part for things to work if he has a issue with it that shows him to be playing games and not right for you no man that wants a lasting relationship will have a issue with u asking somthing if you are truly asking out off a misunderstanding

Answer 18

Asker

Yeah that’s true.

Answer 19

Asker

The thing is, this guy was flirting lots with me before he found a girlfriend, went quiet for about 3 months, messages me again (very flirtily) for months, hoes quiet again for a couple or so weeks while he's with her, and the minute she leaves he's back to flirting with me again. He's initiated with me for years, I've kept it friendly. Since they've broke up and he's moving back by me he's been pursuing me more heavily. (I had no idea about this other girl until I figured it out myself as he never said anything when I bought up before about if he had any other women on the go previously). It's like he just flits to whoever he's closest to which is why I'm more cautious, but I don't know, he's tried to say it wouldn't be casual but actions have to match words too at some point so I'm just trying to figure out whether I should give him a chance or not. What are your thoughts on his reasons for his behaviour? Somewhat understandable or not?

Answer 20

boggboss

Most likely u are a back up option

Answer 21

Asker

So don’t agree to meet him right...

Answer 22

boggboss

Thats truly uoto you but looking back good intentions or not there is so much drama and suspicion between you and him maybe it would be better not too

Answer 23

Asker

I know it’s up to me, I’m just simply curious about a guys perspective on the little bit of info I can give here. Drama can be worked out if both people are willing, that’s what I’m getting at, is it worth it as in does it appear like he’d be willing to see if anything genuine can come of it.
I mean do people really initiate texting or calling back ups daily for months?

Answer 24

boggboss

I knew a guy dmthat did it for a year just to have sex with a girl and ghost her peoples intentions change and can be weird but I'm not sure what u are now asking as it seems u don't want to talk to him about it but u also don't want to drop it

Why would a man say he doesn’t want to start anything until he’s back from working abroad, but text her everyday like they’re together?

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