He sends mixed signals - should I give up or tell him how I feel? It's long but with a lot of detail.

In the past few months I've been able to spend a lot of time with this one guy, within these months although I've noticed him before, by being able to spend more time together I've started to like him a lot.

So it seems like he's into me, sometimes he'll compliment me or ask to me to work with him on something, just us. Now I've given him compliments before (and he's accepted) and have even asked him to work on something with me which he completely blew me off, he made up some excuse not to and then I guess after making him feel bad about it he agreed. That was very weird to me and I still don't understand that...

Lately there's been some group outings some he's not attended and some he has. There was a outing and I asked him if was going and he seem pretty surprised that I was going too and even said to me that he didn't know that 'cool people' were going to be there. A few days before the outing I said that I would see him on that day and he played dumb like he didn't know what I was talking about and then said that he thought he would see before then but that he would definitely see me for the outing. Well he ignored me on the outing, totally weird! I don't understand.

Another time he didn't come out and when I asked him why he didn't he told me that he 'didn't even know that I was going to be there'. What's that suppose to mean? That he would have came if he knew that I was there?

I see him quite often during the week but I don't always talk to him, I don't want to come off as stalker always being around and under him. Maybe I'm sending mixed signals too? One minute I'm flirting with him and the next not talking to him.

We text each other sometimes and lately I've gotten quite a few smiles from him - almost kind of flirty like. If that's even possible. For example he make a statement and then end it with a smiley. ;-)

I don't know what to do, I really like him a lot and we seem to get along pretty good, we laugh and joke with each other even flirt a little. He has said to me before that he doesn't get woman and that he scared to take chances. Is that his way of telling me that he will never make a move? And it's up to me?

Our last outing I had to convince him to come (it didn't take too much to though) and when I asked him to sit closer to me he just wouldn't. He also said that he thought that I was going to sit at one end which is why he chose the other end to sit. He sounded like he was joking but what the hell is that suppose to mean?

I am TOTALLY lost and confused because I like him SO much but I want to stop liking him because he's driving me crazy with these signals. Just when I'm ready to give up he'll do something that keeps me holding on. Should I just tell him that I like him now or wait a little while longer being that it's only been a few months? Or should I wait and see if he makes a move? Please help!?!?


Most Helpful Guy

  • i have been stuck in something like this for 6 years. except we both said we liked each other. we deal with the same problems and games. and I have been unable to let it go.

    from the sound of your situation it seems that he is shy, he doesn't want to approach you, won't sit closer to you, try getting him one on one, see if he changes at all.

    i know that I am often shy in a group around the girl I like, I will keep my distance from her, but one on one I tend to be a lot closer.

    as far as mixed signals go, yeah you are sending them back even if you don't realize it. by talking to him a lot and hanging out, then dropping it completely and not talking for a while does confuse him, it shows him that your interested sometimes and then out of no where he means nothing to you.

    as far as him blowing you off and playing dumb, I would go ahead and say that may be his way or retaliation to when you stop talking to him for a week.

    it seems like he thinks you will only be interested in him if he makes you chase him.

    if I were you I would sit down and talk to him about it, find out his feelings, it can't hurt, you said yourself you want out, but you do like him. so talk to him about it, it may be the best thing that you do.

    hopefully the guy you are dealing with is tired of the games too, I know I can't stand the games and I keep holding on just so that I can get a chance, because I really like her too.

    • I never really thought that maybe I was sending mixed signals too. I just didn't want to hang all over him because there was a girl that did the same thing to him before and I'm not about to act like that too. Question: Why is ok for him to initiate one on one time but if I do he pushes me away?

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    • I just don't want to be the only to start conversations with him, I would like for him to start one once in a while so that's why I kind of ignore him. As far as initiating things it has nothing to do with going out it's just about like talking one on one. I just don't get it.

    • Yeah I see what you are saying, and unfortunately I don't know why he won't start a conversation with you. Is he really shy? or does he feel uncomfortable around you? those are two possibilities.

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • I don't think he will make a move. I have seen lots of relationships with very similar scenarios. I don't think he likes you, however I may be wrong. The onl way for you to find out is to be up front about it. Ask him directly. Say you are getting mixed signals, and you want to know how he feels and where you stand, and whether he wants a relationship with you or not.

    Dont wait for him, I'm almost totally sure he will never make a move, and I think deep down you know this as well. You keep giving him chances because you hope he will change.. but hun, he's not going to.

    Just ask him. Its the only way you will find out. then you can either live happily ever after or move on. even if he says something like 'i'd like to get to know you a little more; then at least you know you are in with a chance.

    Good luck :)

    • You're right I don't think that he'll make a move, I'm just tired of always being the person that has to make the first move.

What Girls Said 1

  • This is your call..I feel for you because I had a guy friend does that to me all the time. In my opinion this guy doesn't really like you but you are good enough to flirt with sometimes. I mean if he likes you why would he ignored you at the event and when you invited him, he came but doesn't sat near you that a BS on his part. I would give up on him and just move on to another guys. Another sign that shows he isn't interested in you, is his texting habit or phone calls and if he likes you he will text you so often or find excuses to talk to you constantly. Smiley sign doesn't really mean flirting at all, he just telling you he thought it was funny.

    • I see what you're saying. I didn't include most of our circumstances though. Things could be weird at first for us if we started dating though which is why I don't hang around him every time I see him. and makes me think that he backs down a lot. Also there's an age difference of about 9 or 10 years and it would be an interracial relationship, I don't know if he's ever dated a black girl before so I wonder if that could be a factor.

    • He is older than you? Well if a guy really like girl age difference and race doesn't matter. I think you should talk to him and see where you stand in his life. If you like him then go for him.