Girlfriend won't touch me or kiss me

Question

Hello everyone. I have been dating this girl long-distance for about a year and things seem to have been going great until recently. To start with a back story, I am from the U.S. and she is from England, and we met when she came to America during the winter last year. We hit things off very well and decided to give our relationship a try. Things were going great for a while. We were madly in love, spent hours online with each other talking, watching shows together, and including each other in our lives as much as we could. We even both made trips to see each other. But things got rough when I lost my job and couldn't save up money. We still spent time with each other when we could, but after 4 months, she said she was getting used to not seeing me as much, so we needed to figure out how to be together. She was determined to stick with me and wait until the next trip. Six months later, here we are. She arrived in the U.S. three days ago, but there's a big problem. While she wants to spend time with me going places and hanging around the house, she won't touch me. She won't even put her arm on me or around me, and she won't kiss me. She still has not slept in the same bed and it has been three days. I really, really think that her loss of desire was caused by her birth control, but she refuses to give that up. Her reason for all of this is her low sex drive and also because she's spent so much time away from me, she needs to get used to being with me again, and then hopefully things will be the way they used to.

What do you make of this? How much time should I give her to warm up to me again? Should I try to take her out and romance her as though we are starting to date again? Should I wait and be supportive and kind? Or should I even be putting up with this?

She is the best thing that has ever happened to me, and I was planning on marrying her, but it seems I have a difficult decision to make right now. Please help. Thank you.

Answer 1

kaity-babe

Xper 5

Well I'm not sure why she's like that, I know I'd be all over the guy if I was in a similar situation. Try being the perfect boyfriend. Like, never appear upset, always smile at her and do all romantic things for her. Bring her breakfast in bed, go for a walk on the beach (if you live there) or just a walk and try holding her hand, see if that works. But just show here that she's a priority and that you want to spend time with her (:

Asker

+1 y
Thanks Kaity. I think you are right. I'll just have to spend time with her and show her how much I care, otherwise, we will be stuck in the same situation.

Answer 2

Asker

Thanks Kaity. I think you are right. I'll just have to spend time with her and show her how much I care, otherwise, we will be stuck in the same situation.

Answer 3

lms2994

Xper 4

You should definitely try to romance her again! But if it doesn't go well, there has to be a bigger issue other than birth control. Maybe you should ask her what's up?

Asker

+1 y
I asked her over and over again, and she just said the two main things are:

1.) she's used to me not being around

2.) her sex drive has gone way down

There's not a bigger issue than that I guess, but that doesn't answer why she can't touch me at all, right?

Answer 4

Asker

I asked her over and over again, and she just said the two main things are:

1.) she's used to me not being around

2.) her sex drive has gone way down

There's not a bigger issue than that I guess, but that doesn't answer why she can't touch me at all, right?

Answer 5

Anonymous

Could be. Could be she started dating someone in the UK and doesn't want to tell you.

Opinion Owner

+1 y
The only reason I bring that up is because I had a Girlfriend react in a similar way - she was seeing someone else and hadn't told me. Her behavior told me.

Your Girlfriend being on birth control despite her seeing you so rarely is also a red flag. So, whatever. I hope I'm wrong. This is your holiday and I hope you have a good one.
Asker

+1 y
She has been taking the pill to reduce heavy bleeding from the birth control shot she took in May. She said that she is also trying to preserve her eggs to become an egg donor. We have had serious talks about it, so I know it's the truth. I don't think she's cheating on me because there's no evidence of it at all.
Opinion Owner

+1 y
Well, good. I hope I'm wrong. One thing for sure, act fun and don't seem overly bothered by it. You don't want that elephant in the room.
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Asker

+1 y
I have been that "elephant" and she can tell I'm bothered by it, so I need to change that.

I'll try to be the better person, spend time with her, and have fun, because that's probably what she's been missing the most.

Thanks for your response.
Opinion Owner

+1 y
Well, she did travel a hell of a long way, minimally she deserves a pleasant stay. So wake up tomorrow as Mr Happy and unconcerned about outcomes.

Answer 6

Opinion Owner

The only reason I bring that up is because I had a Girlfriend react in a similar way - she was seeing someone else and hadn't told me. Her behavior told me.

Your Girlfriend being on birth control despite her seeing you so rarely is also a red flag. So, whatever. I hope I'm wrong. This is your holiday and I hope you have a good one.

Answer 7

Asker

She has been taking the pill to reduce heavy bleeding from the birth control shot she took in May. She said that she is also trying to preserve her eggs to become an egg donor. We have had serious talks about it, so I know it's the truth. I don't think she's cheating on me because there's no evidence of it at all.

Answer 8

Opinion Owner

Well, good. I hope I'm wrong. One thing for sure, act fun and don't seem overly bothered by it. You don't want that elephant in the room.

Answer 9

Asker

I have been that "elephant" and she can tell I'm bothered by it, so I need to change that.

I'll try to be the better person, spend time with her, and have fun, because that's probably what she's been missing the most.

Thanks for your response.

Answer 10

Opinion Owner

Well, she did travel a hell of a long way, minimally she deserves a pleasant stay. So wake up tomorrow as Mr Happy and unconcerned about outcomes.

Girlfriend won't touch me or kiss me

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