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What the hell is the matter with me?

I am a white male who had been thinking about this Black woman for sometime, but when I met her I was in a relationship. Once I got out of that relationship, this Black woman and I 'hooked up' and it was by far the best sex I have ever had. I couldn't get my mind off of her, I even sent her gifts because we lived far apart. Recently, I got married to another woman, but I was thinking about the Black woman all through the marriage ceremony. I really hurt her by getting married to someone else, and that hurts me. But she lives so far away, our lives are so different. So if I am married to one woman, why can't I stop thinking about the other woman? Why get married when I am clearly still stuck on the other woman?
What the hell is the matter with me?
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