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What do you think this means???

Ok well I liked this guy for 2 years soon going on 3 years. I liked him since my freshmen year and now I'm a Jr. And he is a senior. For the longest time he kept on denying that I didn't like him and stuff but until a few weeks ago my one friend showed him some parts of my journal that I texted her.so he read my journal and read my feels, and said they are more like rants but found out that I still liked him And he said to me that he knew that I still liked him and that I just gave up. Because I told him that I did stop liking him but it just happened again.then he said no I didn't and that I gave up. I don't understand what is he trying to say? Also he said that whole thing with a smile/ smirk. Why? If I'm making any sense?but I said know you don't like me then he said he doesn't like anyone. But yeah he knows and we're cool and he's nicer to me now. Like if I talk to him he would ask why do you look sad and this when I'm not or why am I feeling so and so? He is so confuseing? Why does he care if he said he doesn't like anyone?its like he watches over me from a far.but the thing is I still want to kiss him. Like I never had my first kiss neither have he and I kinda want him to be my first kiss. So my questions to to is should I ?would kissing him out of the blue or just kissing him make him think about me more? Like I think I still have feelings but at the same time I don't and they are fading but I really care for him. Should I tell him that? What do you think? What should I do?

P.s I am the only girl in his life that ever liked him.
What do you think this means???
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