Oh, aaannnddd I'm 19 :-)
I suppose that could work but I am afraid of saying it wrong and stuff.
I guess the key is to know that everyone messes up words sometimes, and pretty much every girl will find it cute and endearing. That and you need to be comfortable laughing at yourself. If you take "embarrassing" things seriously they feel much worse than if you just own the moment and joke about it. It takes practice, but in time it can be achieved.
I just take everything seriously, I also fear being rejected I would almost cry if that happened. I wish I had female friends that could give advice.
Well it sounds like maybe an attitude change is in order. And you know, advice can only help you if you put it into effect.
What do you think I need to do, I know it might not some like it but the truth is I really want to be able to talk to girls and stuff.
Well you need to work on yourself. Find a place where you can really thrive. Something that challenges you a little bit. Something new and social. For me, getting a job at a bookstore really helped. I had to walk up to total strangers and talk to them and ask them questions, and I had to make small talk with customers at the cash registers, and I had to meet a whole storeful of new people and learn their names and learn to work with them. It's quite amazing how much it's changed me.
First and foremost, though, you have to really WANT to change. You have to be so tired of being afraid, that you'll do whatever you can to push yourself out of it. Talk to a counselor if you can't think of anything else to do and if you need some extra help. There's nothing wrong with that, and that's what they're there for. I almost did that, but I figured it out myself. I would consider it, though.
Thing is I worked at an amusement park for four years and I had to have my voice on a microphone that guests could hear I had to interatct with lots of them, I even had to manage some people for 3 of the years. It is when it comes to being social I begin to feel scared I think.
You have to figure out how to conquer your head sometimes. I know, easier said than done. But you are putting way too much pressure on yourself and the situation. If you see a girl that you want to talk to, do start thinking ahead into what COULD happen, or even what you WANT to happen. Just live in the moment and be relaxed. Biggest thing that I do is to just think about it as a friendship as opposed to a potential relationship or a date. Takes a ton of pressure off.
So I should act before my mind tells me not too?
Precisely. See? You catch on quick! :-) That's always been a problem for me, and I still have to work on telling myself (and my head...) to just shut it, hahaThough I've gotten quite a bit better than I used to be.
That is kind of a big problem for me too. I always tell myself not to talk to her because she might say no. I just fear I will say something stupid too if I act to quick, I honestly would just want to walk away If that happened I would feel like staying would be like putting gasoline on a fire.
Also if I talked to a counselor what would I say and what cound they help with.
That's the thing. You're putting too much pressure on yourself, and you're making your expectations way too high. Don't necessarily walk up to them planning to ask them out on a date, or thinking that you need to rush things. Just go with the flow. Converse, and laugh, and see how things go. Start up a platonic friendship and get to know each other, and then go from there. A counselor would be able to help you work through your anxiety.
I feel like I guess I just want to succeed and I feel like I will never succeed. What would I ay to a counselor.
A counselor could help you work through those problems as well. The counselor does the talking, and works WITH YOU for as long as you need help. I think it would definitely be something to look in to if you feel this much anxiety.
I don't know if it is worth it but I wish there was away to feel less anxious about girls because they are scary.
Well a counselor would be able to teach you how to get rid of you anxiety. And girls really aren't that scary. Most of us are probably scared too.
Can I ask why you don't think girls are scary.
We're just people. Human beings, just like you. We have embarassing moments, and we say stupid things sometimes, and we are insecure about things too.
I guess, the issue is that I really wish a girl would show interest in me first before I had to show interest in her.
I know what you mean. I (and many other people out there) feel the same way. However, if you're always really uncomfortable and scared, then girls aren't going be interested in getting to know you. Show some personality. Embrace your good qualities and your strengths. Be confident in who you are. Be the kind of person that other people want to be around. Now, you're probably going to say that you don't know how. I'll just mention the counselor once again.
The point is not to CHANGE your personality or who you are. The point is to be confident, comfortable, content, and happy with who you are. It'll make all the difference.
I hope I can try, I really really want it to work. I hope I can talk to a great girl.
Based on I feel now I don't know If I will ever not be scared. It is probbly my biggest fear right now.
It's just a feeling because you can't see hope. Once you see hope, things will be clearer and you'll be able to think rationally bro
you think so
Definitely. Most people are still pretty insecure about certain things in their early 20s. As long as you don't develop any silly complexes you should get over this fear within the next few years. But you gotta be more social too, put yourself out there. Gotta confront your fear man
Yeah like an inferiority complex which would mean that you feel unworthy to talk to girls you like and become shy around them etc. It's just about changing bad thinking habits. You can do it...
But I do become shy or at least more shy around girls I like.
Let me give you a piece of advice that helped me- do it step by step. Obviously you're not gonna become really cool with girls over night. But change your thinking gradually, bit by bit think more confidently. In a couple of years you'll look back and realize how far you've come, and how that old fear is practically gone or completely gone.
you think that is how it works.
your ego the reason you get hurt no ego no problem
How do you fix that
hard to say we all are insecure about different things players manage to block out there ego's but not putting self worth in if they get the girl or not
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Same goes for girls. Well put :-)
So It takes time for other people too I guesss.
yeah haven't gotten a positive response yet
I just get scared around girls, I would not even know how to start talking to a girl. you know who lawyers don't ask questions they don't know the answer too. I wish I could do that to a girl so the conversation would not be unpredictable.
i hate the awkward silences, pauses
Yeah that bothers me a lot too. I wish I could easily talk to girls and get my first date.
i hate how girls expect the guy to always keep the conversation alive
I guess some help out but I just want to be able to say hi.
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