Why do men want women to act like MEN?

I tried to ask this another way but I don't think folks got what I was trying to say so I am going to try a different approach.

I am often telling women to accept men as men--to accept how they view the world and to make allowances for their fears and the things that make them truly wonderful and masculine.

However, on the flip side, I see a growing trend of males who will mock and ridicule girls for feminine insecurities and flaws. And we wonder why there is a rise in girls cutting themselves?

Here is a news flash dude--women are not men--they are women. If you want ladies to respect your need for space, and to love you even if you are thin, don't make a million dollars, or look like Brad Pitt can't yah give a girl an inch when she asks about how fat she looks in her jeans?

We ALL have things that worry us--and I am sorry, but women DO have a ton of pressure on them to look "hot" and not just from media perceptions. Men are by nature very visual. The fact that even deeply in love, committed men cannot help looking at beautiful ladies ( and who can blame them) shows that they enjoy pleasing physical views and shapes.

When a woman asks you if you find her attractive, she is saying she cares about pleasing you and keeping you around.

I mean, if she just let herself go and got fat and lazy, you'd be complaining about how she didn't do it for you any more, right?

Women make a ton of mistakes in the dating arena-- *raising hand* been there, done that bought the t-shirt. Another news flash--men make dating mistakes too.

I grew up, lucked up and married a great NICE guy! He has insecurities about being five one, but I do not roll my eyes and tell him to get over it or act as if he is an insecure basket case. I nurture and love him and remind him of all the wonderful qualities he has that makes me kiss the ground he walks on. To me, he is ten feet tall and no one can touch him--he is my hero, my rock and my one true love.

I give him what he is seeking—validation and reassurance. Why not? What does it cost me to do this?

Stop trashing women for wondering if you desire them of if they wonder if they look fat or seek compliments—feel happy that she cares enough to want to look good and attractive for you and make sure you always knows that she is an angel in your eyes.

In time, her insecurity will cease and you will have built a solid relationship built on respect for her femininity and her fragile humanity.

We are different by design and this okay--instead of complaining about it accept and love it--men and women are special beings and need to learn to accept even the things that drive us crazy about one another.

  • Because men think the male way is better and think girls act stupid
    Vote A
  • Because they do not comprehend female qualities and feel they should change to accommodate them
    Vote B
  • Actually, although they drive me nuts, I love women the way they are
    Vote C
  • Men do not understand that we are inherently different and that this is okay
    Vote D
Select age and gender to cast your vote:
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Thanks for all the votes guys! :-)


Most Helpful Guy

  • one of the biggest mistakes I think many of us make is that we believe all men act a certain way and all women act a certain way but although we have things in common with people of the same sex that's really not true. Men and women have a lot of the exact same feelings...society and culture has just taught us to express them differently... so some women are quite similar to some men and some aren't...i think is a more appropriate way to put it

    So I like your comments. Its really about accepting differences that make relationships work.

    But when someone fishs for compliments all the time it gets annoying. SO I wouldn't blame the other partner for getting mad. After all, if you love someone so much and they still can't be reasonably secure about themself...then you kind of feel like you wasted your time loving them and supporting them and telling them they look fine...when the person still asks everyday its like..."DO YOU LISTEN TO ME WHEN I TELL You LOOK FINE"... its just natural for most people to want to be with someone confident and secure...

    Women are also visual by nature and women check out cute guys all the time even when their in relationships... yes I think women are more willing to accept a guy when he gains a bit of weight but that doesn't mean they don't notice its there..

    Finally I think in a relationship both parties need to change themself a little bit...or the end up changing. SOme women stereotypically become more masculine or more feminine. Same for men..its something that happens naturally as their around each other alot. I think if the slight change doesn't occur then the relationship gets extremely rocky and arguementative.

    BUt I liked your comment it was useful to point out.

    • Very very insightful! Thank you--I love it when a to young man comes on here and "spits truth" as they say.

      And you are right--both sides need to change--but also understand what things may not and accept one another flaws ( they may even become endearing).

      And I do get upset when the hubby goes on about his height or weight--however, I also know why so I try to get over it and love him all the more...lol

    • It's like the serenity prayer--God grant me the strength to change the things I can, the serenity to accept the things I cannot, and the wisdom to know the difference...

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 9

  • The problem here is that men by nature are more logical. They see things as being black and white, and they try to see things as being simple.

    Take this scenario: I used to date a girl named Susan when I was in high school. Susan was an Asian girl who had no chest development to speak of but was still very attractive. However, she was very very self conscious about her lack of breasts, to the point where she would always talk about it. Then one day she asked me if I felt she should consider getting a boob job when she turned 18. My response was:

    "Its your body. If you see it as a problem, then its a problem. If that solves the problem, go for it."

    She had been droning on and on about her breasts for as long as I had known her, and I knew nothing I said about how pretty she looked would "solve the problem". And from the way she reacted to what I told her, you'd think I had committed murder. I walked away from that experience believing one thing:

    When a man presents you with a problem, it's because he wants a solution to it. But when a woman presents you with a problem, she wants you to lie to her and tell her that there really is no problem, only to go through the same nonsense the next day, and the day after that, and the day after that, and so on.

    The way I see it, it's not about asking a woman to act like a man. It's about asking the person you're with to maybe think about what they say before they open their mouth, and not bite the other person's head off for giving them an answer that assumes they wanted an honest, true answer that comes from a logical perspective.

    • Very rational argument but everyone is different-I ask my guy what he thinks about what I am wearing--if he says it looks like crap I change and thank him fo5 not letting me go out looking a mess. That is because my true objective is to not look like a mess in public. for the girl you spoke of she wanted validation that she was sexy without boobs--so the question was loaded. This is when I do truly feel sorry for you brotha's--but this also shows Asian women have issues too...lol...

    • Oh god . . . in my experience, women are all about loaded questions! Its such a pain!

    • I know--during my "bi" phase I attempted to date women and that aspect alone made me run screaming back to men--uhm--this sorts undercuts my above point--roflmao...

      yes, men are more upfront about heir needs, but I suppose women feel they cannot make men understand what they want so they try to get it subversively--I dunno--I really don't get it, but , it is what it is, so my point is to try to change it but perhaps accept it may not change...

  • I think people in general have a difficult time, in many ways, comprehending that people are different. A lot of people my age (24) think that because I don't like clubs, loud bars, etc., and would prefer to travel to some remote place in Asia or sip a glass of wine at a hotel lounge, I'm nuts. Maybe I'm not the norm, but it's an example of how people think we're all similar.

    As to dating/sex, I think guys find it hard to believe women don't feel the same sensations they do in bed, and women find it hard to believe anyone could want sex so much. These assumptions are based on what the person thinking them feels, so to them, it's the truth and the best way.

    • I'm kinda like you - I'm 21 but I'm not at all into going to bars or clubs. Though instead I choose to go to music shows where mostly only teens hang and I befriend. Also because of certain experiences I sometimes assume that all straight guys only want an attractive girl and usually they just want to hook up with her but I'm now relearning that there are guys who want more than that, if that at all.

    • You sound wonderfully mature and unique so I'd say you are not nuts, just in tune with who you are.

    • Thanks. "Where is this relationship going" and "let's just cuddle and talk about out feelings" rarely eminate from the mouths of 24-year-old dudes, but I've become comfortable with who I am.

  • clearly woman are not men... some woman are tom boys some are girly girls some man like girly girls some dont... I'm sure if a guy likes a girly girl he would most likely want to get with one. I'm not saying just because he likes then he WILL get with one.

    this whole subject is confusing...

    would you rather not shave your legs and arm pits and eat bad food and smell like us a camels arm pit? if you don't like the fact that man like there woman to look good and not like an ape then you better go back to the jungle sista

    • Like a camels arm pit*

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    • I know--my man smells great--has a citrusy kinda thang going...lol..

    • Ok yea I don't smell either lol.. I was just expressing a stereotype as such

  • Actually, I don't care for either of the gender stereotypes. Macho men and Femme women are both equally crippling roles. The problem is that each of these roles have benefits (men don't have to do childcare, women don't have to respond to reason etc.).

    I prefer that people simply be people. The people who want to hold me accountable to a stereotype of my gender need not apply.

    • But if a woman is girly lets say and a man is attracted to her, my issue is, why act put out by

      the very thing that attracted him. if a guy wants, lets say, a tom boy--then date one. The world is filled withe millions of people and some will fall into stereotypical categories--if one thinks outside the box, then they will find a partner who does the same--however, I find it disingenuous for women or men to make one another fit into an ideal...leave one another be!

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    • Agreed. The only way to deal with bad behavioral standards is to model better standards. I have found that if you simply live as you see best, people start to pick it up.

    • Especially if you do it without apology-- I had to learn that--I felt weirded out about my bisexual tendencies, especially when I ran into men who trashed me for it--then I was like "You know the issue lies with them not me.." and I accepted that aspect of who I was. Men and women alike then were drawn to this and soon I found myself becoming like, the go to person for sexual identity answers--lol--too funny...

  • I wouldn't change anything about women. as much as they drive me nuts or pull my last thread. IM good.

  • The choices are obviously narrow and skewed, so I didn't vote, but my answer would be that men don't actually want women to act like men. They may want them to *enjoy* the same things that men enjoy, but not specifically act like them.

    • Good point. I can see that, just as women want men to like shopping or some crap ( girly girls anywayz), but sometimes never the twain shall meet. I suppose my rant is that folks seem to want to make the other be more like them and not appreciate them for what makes them different, even if these differences drive us to distraction...

  • Meh, didn't really read what you wrote but I'd say it makes them easier to connect to on a emotional level and holyshit I'm missing my buss

    • LOL--but women are not men--we should learn to accept differences not get annoyed by them

  • Just be glad that our culture only puts pressure on women to be good looking.

    It's much harder on men.

    Men, to get the "genetic prize", have to be both good looking and "successful".

    • Oh hun--pressures go well beyond that for both sexes--I am merely responding to what I have seen on here--how men give women crap for wanting to look good when men also have issues, as you mentioned, to contend with...

      Why can't we all just get along...?

    • What about men that are not confident about the size of their penis? I mean if the girl love/like you N don't mind the size than the guy have nothing to worry about. that its why there are people all different shapes and sizes, everyone have different taste.

    • No, I believe that women feel pressured to not only look good but also to be friendly, smart, and of course approach men and hopefully ask them out because men are too "scared" to do the same to them. and I don't think that many men feel pressure to look good - maybe some to be fit but I bet most want to be fit anyways - but they do feel pressure to be successful in some way(s). though you're in a different generation than me so that's prob why we mostly disagree.

  • There are certain things almost all girls do which I can't stand. But since I am pretty sure you aren't all secretly agreeing to act this way, I voted D, girls are just different and guys don't get it.


What Girls Said 1

  • i didn't read everything that is above, sorry, but I'll still add that some guys are stubborn (right word choice?) and some want everyone around them to be like them and like what they like and feel like they feel.

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