Why would me ex contact me after ignoring and avoiding me?

The break-up was once sided, it was basically him just throwing everything we had away for what were silly reasons, insecurity, fear and immaturity were major factors. I was dumped via message and he refused to meet up, I am only telling you this so you know that since he decided it there has been no face to face contact whatsoever. I am not really asking about the breakup or anything since that is in the past, just giving minimal background to help you out. We were each others first relationship and we are 20 and a half now, we were together for 11months. (in fact us being each others first was a major factor in the breakup since he wanted to get out and see if he was 'missing' out).

Here is my question:

Things have been pretty much non contact since a week after the breakup, he disappeared from the online scene (which is only significant because he LIVED online) and he stayed away for over a month before showing himself again on a rare occasion. He has made it non contact by just avoiding being online anywhere when I am, or as of now just being online and playing games with randoms rather then inviting me. I messaged him to offer him some photo's I found on my laptop, he replied with that he already had them but thanks.

I messaged a month later to ask him to let me know when and how I can get his remaining stuff back to him and I received no answer whatsoever. Then a few weeks later I got sick of how he was putting our mutual friends online in an awkward spot with his behavior and I wanted to talk to him. So I asked him if he would speak to me yet, he replied with "hi", I said hi and then he said "how are you". He was ignoring what I had said and so I ignored that and moved on asking to speak with him after the game.

Afterwards he just logged off everywhere and went to bed instead without a word. So I figured at that point whatever, he doesn't want anything to do with me. But a couple of weeks later he invites me to some games with a mutual friend as well but doesn't say anything. Then nothing for a couple or few weeks more and then out of the blue a week ago he messages me saying a happy belated new years. I was shocked by I just said "thanks, you too." I thought that would be it but he continued by telling me what he did for new years and that his net had been out for a week. WHY TELL ME THIS? I didn't ask so why would he tell me this after the way he has been acting cold as hell.

He said after a small convo that he had to go and that he would catch me later. 2 weeks later and nothing despite him showing up online from time to time.

I really don't understand it. Pushes away and ignored and avoids then out of the blue messages me to tell me stuff I didn't ask about? Then back to the cold and no contact? What does it mean =| Any insight to what you think would be helpful.

i sent him a message letting him know that I found more of his things and left it at that. If I get a reply from him and a conversation starts I was thinking I might see if he wanted to go see the new hobbit movie with me. All my friends have already seen it and I do want to see it =| I just figure if we did something like that just as friends it would give me a way to get his stuff back to him and I get to see the movie with a friend, hopefully also ending this stupid hi and then hide nonsense.
any opinion as to whether or not you think asking to meet up after 3 1/3 months to give him back his things he left and asking to do something as friends like a movie is a bad idea?


Most Helpful Guy

  • It sounds to me as though he is fishing. And by fishing I mean, he invites you out and turns around and ignores you in the hopes that you will chase after him. Its a passive form of chasing you. He wants you to be in his life but he wants you to initiate everything. I did that to an ex when I was 15 to see if she "loved" me enough to chase me. I would agree with Kambo in saying that it is a bit immature and emo. Seems to me that he needs to grow up and stop playing games. I would suggest putting a stop to the bullsh*t and tell him that he's either going to step up or step out. You don't deserve games and you shouldn't let yourself have the time for it. He needs to man up and figure it out. But that's just my $0.02

    • i would if the situation fit that. But atm with the egotistical attitude he showed me I won't be the one that makes any kind of move. If he wants anything from me then he has to make it clear, I am just not liking that I am not even treated as a friend. It's either; friend, lover or nothing =| and he thinks he can just treat me as none of them? ugh rude.

    • Show All
    • xD I am bipolar believe it or not but I am well medicated. As for him well, I don't know. His mother apparently is so I guess he could have a touch of it. It's so hard for me to just forget it all too because we were so happy and everything was amazing until something came up that freaked him out about commitment and got him thinking about our future. (not a pregnancy scare lol it was nothing serious at all but he freaked out anyway) If he had just spoken to me I think we could have fixed (cont)

    • the distance that grew between us. He just pushed me away because of everything he kept inside and then after one day where he knew he upset he didn't say anything about breaking up or anything just gave me a kiss and a normal goodbye (as he lives an hr away and came to stay for weekends) and then the next day was normal online chat and then the next night I got a big pre-written message =[ if we could have just talked face to face...but he was too scared to and refused. Now he does all this

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 3

  • He probably contacts you when he is lonely, it seems like he feels a bit of awkwardness there... There could be a few reasons for it but they don't really suit this situation IMO, I'd try not to get hung up on it... It's clearly just annoying you more than anything and he isn't exactly putting any plan into action, so it's not going anywhere, it's better to just try and forget and move on.

    • i have been just living my life and I am in the mindset now of "if I find someone else I am interested in then well yeah" but at the moment I am not interested in another relationship. First love syndrome ha ha will take me a while to get over it I guess, there is a part of me that despite everything still wants him to just talk to me =| I don't know why x.x

  • This guy sounds like a lil' emo bitch.

    Maybe he should throw on some Linkin' Park and hide in a dark corner in his room to top off all that insecurity.

  • booty call, or he could be fishing. maybe he wants you back or isn't sure what he wants.

    • If he wanted something from me then wouldn't he be trying more then just messaging me out of the blue once or inviting me to play games once a month but not actually talking to me? Seems kind of weird that he isn't doing more if he did or was even just confused.

    • ok, its clear he isn't sure what he wants. after he broke up with you he must have had a hard time finding another girl which is driving him to message you. honestly this guy is a lost cause, here's what I think you should do "if you already haven't" start dating but when you do make it public so that you ex can catch wind of it. you'll know when he knows because he'll start messaging you a little bit more asking how your day is going, or what you have planned in the furture.

    • i don't think he is kind of guy to be seeking a relationship for the sake of a relationship, and as for the dating just to get his attention...well I am not that kind of person either. =|

What Girls Said 2

  • He is lonely and things you are an easy target. Ignore him. He broke up with you so he figures you still have feelings for him so he is only comes around when he is lonely and can't get attention anywhere else. If his intentions were good then he would be trying so hard that you wouldn't even have to question what was going on. He would show you how sincere he was.

    • Yeah. Part of me just wishes he'd grow some balls and make it clear what he wants. Friendship? Nothing to do with me at all? xD It's kind of annoying just never knowing, I don't know why but it is =|

  • He is probably seeing if there is any interest on your part. Seems like he is just playing a game to see if he still has some influence over your feeling. As hard as it may be I would say just ignore him and don't try to contact him.

    • hmm but if he was seeing if he has some influence over me wouldn't be be trying to contact me more then once a month if that? And I haven't contacted him other then to let him know I found things of his. Other then that I haven't contacted him at all.