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Why do I hurt people who care? and love people who don't?

I got freaked out with this guy I was dating.

I began pushing him away 3 weeks ago because he was the first guy I felt something for since my ex, and it scared me because he wouldn't commit yet, so I started to get frustrated and took it out on him, which obviously I shouldn't have, but I did.

We only saw each other three times since we started fighting, and it wasn't just to hang out, it was to 'talk'...Which not much of it did happen, because we just ended up talking in circles and getting even more frustrated with each other.

I made a mistake and I ended it with him on Thursday. Realized my mistake on Saturday and told him I was sorry, that I was just scared and frustrated and I shouldn't have ended things, I should have tried harder, that he meant a lot to me and I really wanted to try and make things work.

Keep in mind that before Saturday, he was calling and calling, texting, calling me baby, wanting it to work. Now as soon as I say I made a mistake and want to try again, now he doesn't know.

Today he told me he wants to make it work and is trying but the feelings aren't coming back...How do you lose feelings in 3 days

He was really hurt and upset when I ended things, but we agreed that maybe the timing was off for both of us (we both got out of bad relationships, he got cheated on, I got abandoned) but that maybe we could give it another shot later as long as we both weren't with any other people during that time.

My mind goes to this place, I had been cheated on, beaten, abandoned, by every boyfriend I had ever had. So my first thought is, ok he wanted me wanted me wanted me even when I was saying no, until Saturday night. Do you think he might have done something with someone that night and now feels guilty about it?

I don't understand how he could want me so bad, even when I wanted to end it, to three days later not being able to get those feelings back.

Am I worrying too much? I'm making myself sick over it, he really really is everything I want, and because I was stupid and scared I ruined it, being in a bad situation himself don't you think he would be a little more understanding?

Were still talking everyday, he keeps saying he wants to try, but the feelings aren't coming back.

Is he playing hard to get or giving me a taste of my own medicine do you think?

I don't know, I'm so sad all the time now, I've poured my heart out to him in an email, and he really has avoided talking about it.

I haven't seen him since we broke up. Do you think once we see each other things might get better from there? Its really hard because he's really busy, he's a teacher during the week and builds houses on the weekends, also he's a mechanic and does odd jobs every now and again. He's been really busy this week with parent teachers so by the time he's done its too late to see each other (he lives out of town and his school is even further then that)

I don't know what to do...
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I don't know whether I should keep trying to show him I really want this to work, or if I should stop picking up his calls...am I being too available now and he's taking advantage of it?
Why do I hurt people who care? and love people who don't?
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