Why is it usually the guy that has to prove to the girl that he really likes her and not the other way around?

Or why can’t it be both?

In the other question asking about if shyness is a turn off a few girls say yes and also that they want the guy to take initiative and show they like her...

well why can't it be the other way around? That the girl has to show the guy she’s really serious about him? Seems like a double standard in my opinion

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Most Helpful Girls

  • I'm trying to prove to someone I like them. But I won't beg. Dudes shouldn't be made to beg either. If someone wants you, they should let it be known. None of that hard to get stuff.

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  • i feel like because in the media, there's no such thing as a truly "ugly girl", therefore any woman is 10/10 hands-down gorgeous and yet guys can still be seen as butt-ugly. this imbalance i think makes it seem like bc the woman is beautiful, the man is automatically not as attractive as the female and the implication is that the female can get any guy she wants, so the guy needs to prove he is worthy of her for her to see that he loves her (sorry if this didn't make sense or is phrased weirdly, i hope u get what im trying to say)

    i dont believe any of this (what i just stated), but this is what i feel like has been instilled in the media (movies and such). i, too, have wondered this as well tho. i remember asking my older brother a while ago why it seems like guys are always friendzoned and girls never are

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    • I agreed with you, you make an excellent example of the media and surroundings controlling how we act. In some places/cultures its the other way around.

    • Very good post.

    • Hmmm this is well thought out answer 🤔🤔🤔☺️

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What Girls Said 43

  • Because it's FAR more likely a guy is interested in sex.

    I don't believe that myth that guys aren't as emotionally complicated as women, but I do believe women tend to be more honest about showing their emotions. Guys have a long track record of pretending to like someone just to fuck them. So, naturally, girls are more careful about who they date. The guy has to go through more to prove he likes her because other guys have ruined a lot of the trust between guys and girls.

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    • no i think its just as likely a girl will intentionally lead a guy on just to feed her ego. yes guys need to know the girl is serious about him to and won't flake on him when things escalate

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    • I'm 38 have had a long string of possibilities from women. Unfortunately only 2 were good to me. Some had played me with the you wanna be my boyfriend thing but whould totally ghost me in public when together. The rest looked at me as an Atm. Funny thing is I'm not financially well off.

    • @Spencer1978 what happened to the other two that were good to you? Then?

  • Women are often seen as to easy if they make the first move. Because men supposely like the chase. I think it's bullshit. Anyone who has an interest in someone should pursuit it. Not matter what gender. And shyness is not a turn off. But I'm shy myself so I'd have to be 100000% sure he is into me before I make a move.

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    • You have a point and I think many woman are too concerned about looking easy. If the guy is too old fashioned and likes conservative women or he just thinks she's easy then he's certainly not worth it.

  • It is both ways.

    Notice how the girls who say that are the same ones posting asking questions as to why they are single.

    Because you're lazy and expect the universe to hand deliver men to you.

    Notice how in nature, when female animals get romantic, they often lick, palm and flirt with the guy first at times, or in response to his advances.

    Any girl that insist men should always make the first move, are full of shit and unnatural.

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  • Hahahaa 😁😁😁😁 interesting question! I would hope to have the answer to that lol!

    For now I can only offer you what I know, biologically and maybe psychologically speaking 😁😁😁☺️

    From the early days it's the men who hunt and catch food for their family. They should prove that they can hunt, provide food and shelter as well as protection for the family, or else the family dies. No skills to hunt for food? Death. No tactics to protect family from the enemy? Death. No guts to come up to a girl? Death!

    The last one was supposed to be a joke; but come to think of it, if you don't, then your family line dies. Makes sense?

    Well all I'm saying is that men are hard wired to prove that they can, however context you want to apply that to. And they were born chasers, coming from the fact that they chase animals in order to feed the girl and the kids.

    What about the women in those days? They are the ones who choose. Imagine, if they give their egg to just anyone, what's the chance that that the child she will bear as well as her mate will be able to keep the family line alive? This is about survival, folks! For nine months she needs to carry that child, and she cannot just have sex and produce another child WHILE still being pregnant with the babe. So she has to choose carefully, or else she dies. The tribe dies.

    That's the gist of it. So, going back to your question, I guess it's because we haven't totally erased our primal instinct from the early days, when what our ancestors all think about is survival.

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  • It really shouldn't be that way anymore, especially since we don't so hard for gender equality. A lot of women just want have their cake and eat it too. Many don't seem to understand that "equal" rights doesn't mean that they get special treatment.

    But you can't really blame those that were raised with the old morals and standards. Women being allowed by men to do the asking and pursuing, is still in general a progressive and new concept.

    We're getting there, just give it more time.

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  • It's the 21st century, and a lot of people believe and act towards the all genders can do it thing, but most women's dreams are a romantic man that'll make the first move or stuff. I personally think that women should put in just as much effort as the men in a relationship.

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  • A lot of guys think women who take initiative must be desperate or there's something off about them, which in turn results in a lot of women not initiating because they think the guy will think that.

    It's a viscious circle that can only be broken by not making quick assumptions. Or by not giving a shit.

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    • I think a lot of women think this ("desperate"), but I don't think guys think this. I don't anyway. You're right though, people just make assumptions instead of communicating.

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    • @GingerGuy Possibly, and I'm not saying it's most guys who think that, just that there are many. And that alone seems to be enough to feed women that idea.

      But I do think that more and more (and yes, probably most) guys would actually appreciate women taking initiative. But social norms don't disappear overnight, even if the individuals don't really agree with these norms anymore. These things are deeply rooted in our society and ingrained in most people, whether they're aware of it or not. This stuff takes time. But we're getting there.

      Unfortunately sexist world views are still very wide spread, so that definitely stands in the way.

    • Very true!

  • Both people need to put their cards on the table, and be honest with the other. Unfortunately, with so many people, they are liars, players and/or manipulators, etc - hence the need to prove to the other what their real intentions are. Guys are generally the hunters, so are looked at to put their cards on the table first.

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  • Girls have to prove it, too. It's just not that in the open usually. Television and media wants to cast the story like it's only the guy who has to because it looks more empowering to women, when in reality, guys shit test the hell out of us, especially if they're gearing towards marriage. I had to pass all kinds of scenarios from cooking for a large company to getting myself out of an embarrassing situation, showing that I was able to lead a group, and do certain fear and insecurity based tests let alone be in situations that tested my morals, my faith and my willpower. It did not come lightly or for free. It took him a number of years and a grueling absence of communication to make up his mind. So in this regard, I know I've been chosen. I'm not saying girls don't do it, but guys definitely do it. It's just not as glamorized in the media.

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    • One aunt-in-law of mine couldn't cook at all, when she got married. Not sure if she tested about anything.. other than being pretty and kind.

    • All those tests, seems more like an interrogative interview rather than a relationship.

    • @Udbhav_Bantwal Well, it wasn't all that formal. It just happened as we went. Life skills. My point is to show guys put girls emotionally through the ringer as well. Guys will test a girl for her moral values, her willpower and her ability to persevere during difficulty. To deny that is to be dishonest.

  • Because guys aren't usually stereo-typed as committable and the girls are far more willing to be. Therefore, guys have to show more "proof" that they are indeed serious about having a stable committed relationship with one woman.

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  • Because girls will come across as desperate. Plus there’s this dumb idea that women are prizes to be won when we ARE NOT.

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    • girls won't come across as desperate, thats an old idea that needs to be purged

  • thats bully... if i like a guy , i would totally express it to him loud and clear and even do things to prove it... this old mentality of guys chasing girls first, guys paying for dates etc should totally stop

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  • We have to do that too... its just that guys feel maybe a bit more desperate in general maybe to get a relationship? that would be my guess. But i had to do the asking out and getting rejected part too so i dunno.

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  • We have to prove it too lol! With that said when I first started putting myself out there I didn't hold back. If I liked a guy I told him and pursued him. Every time I did that the guy lost interest in me. So I had to learn to not be so forward and wait for them to approach me. It just seems like most guys lose interest if you're too easy for them. Once a guy shows me he likes me I have no problem showing him how I feel.

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    • No guys go through the exact same thing. Its not called being easy its called rejection. The difference is women have the luxury of just waiting to get approached. Guys have no choice but to keep on approaching until someone is interested.

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    • When do you got to leave a little intrigued in the Roma is to find out what it's all about

    • Call him like you see him and be honest to yourself and the other one

  • Women love to be reassured. If they don't get it, they seek it, if still nothing, they become an emotional mess and probably a psycho.

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    • guys like reassurance too

    • I know but not as crazy as women do and they don't stress over the smallest things. That's why it is more common to hear about women needing reassurance than the opposite.
      Plus women usually reassure their men naturally than vice versa.

      I certainly would reassure my dude though.

  • For me, if the guy shows interest and proves it, and i feel the same way i will definitely reciprocate (maybe prove even more than i can reciprocate).

    But if its only me who likes the guy and he doesn't feel the same, i won't waste my time and wait for him to like me too.

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  • Cause guys are more likely to play with girls just for sex

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  • It should be both by :
    Trusting
    Honesty
    No cheating
    Believing
    And etc

    It shouldn't be one way and it shouldn't be other way it goes both ways
    Both couples

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  • Man, it can be both ways. Rejection is hard. I can't tell you how afraid I am just wanting to give a guy a bunch of roses even though I'm a girl. lol

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  • I agree when you say that's double standard, both should make clear that they're serious about the relationship.
    I guess girls in general assume most guys just want sex and then they'll leave because there's no real interest.

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    • If a guy is able to wait 4 months and still trying to get the girl, I think this is a nice clue about him being serious... If the girl is still thinking "he just wants sex", then, maybe she hasn't her shit together and should be avoided.
      Clearly, no man would wait for 6++ months before getting à relationship. He'll assume that the girl is not interested.

      The point is: don't play too hard to get. It's not worth it.

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What Guys Said 45

  • If I can be entirely pragmatic about this - because they can afford to do so while guys can not.

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  • It *is* the other way around. Guys just think it's that way. The guy's job is to show potential interest. To initiate. Yes. He must do that.

    After that, though, it's the woman's job to prove she is better than other women. Most men are just so desperate for anything that they try too hard.

    I don't prove shit except that I'm here, I have a beginning level of interest, now show me why *I* should want *you*.

    If you have some self-respect, then it's easy. All you have to do is provide the frame. The masculine role is silent. The female role is to talk. Sometimes, I won't put any effort in, at all. Just, "Sup. Where you from? Oh. What was it like there?" Then just let her take the conversation from there. If there is an awkward pause, okay, whatever. Most guys will get scared and try to fill the silence, feeling like they're losing her. I don't do shit. I did my job. I showed interest; I provided the frame. It's her job to fill it. I just embrace the silence and keep staring at her. If she still doesn't fill it, I'll act all like, "... Welll?" The pressure is on her, not me.

    There's literally billions of women. Guys get too invested in a single one, then act like babies when it doesn't work out. If it doesn't work out, it doesn't. One should thrive on failure, no matter who it is. Just showing you have the balls to approach her is plenty. Because yeah, that's your job, as a man.

    Why? Who cares? It is. Double standards? Yeah. Natural double standards. That's just nature man. Biology. Male and female. Doesn't matter if life is unfair. The only option you have is to live it.

    Women like men. Women like sex. They want it to work, too. Just have some balls, say hey, and develop the confidence to not give a fuck if she isn't receptive and to just be comfortable. If you're freaking out, she'll pick up on that energy and start freaking out, too.

    All that fear just comes from lack of experience. Get out there and hit on 1,000 women, and you won't have that anymore. All the desperation comes from a lack of abundance. Once you obtain abundance, once you obtain the confidence that--at any point, any time you feel like it--you can go out a pick a chick up, you won't have that desperation.

    Otherwise, there's always the bumble dating app, where women are forced to initiate.

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    • Women don't like being hit in random guys unless you're good looking you are guaranteed to get rejected every time. The average guy can't just approach 1000s of girls there are various social consequences if done so. I think you over simplifying things.

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    • Enjoy getting laid but some guys actually just want to find a connection and be in a relationship.

    • @TheUglyMan Again, you just show you know nothing about game. Game is understanding women. Game is knowing what women want and giving it to them. You can use that purely for sex, sex which she also will want, or you can use that to form a bond. It's just a tool. You choose how to use it.

      And yeah. You'll have to change your behavior a bit. Just like you have to do for a job interview. Or going to court. Or how you behave in front of friends vs your parents.

      What's going to happen when you meet the girl of your dreams, and you can't interest her, because you have 0 skills at wooing women? You think some woman will just accept you for who you are? Even when you fail to solicit excitement or intrigue?

      Learning game will help you tremendously, not only in getting laid, but in getting and maintaining a relationship--and making it good, *for her*. Or you can be like all the other guys and get confused and run in circles when you have no idea why she's upset, then divorce.

  • When you compare the multitude of qualities a man has to prove in order to just be taken seriously alone in comparison to Women, it's easy to which gender traditionally is expected to be more active.

    Men are expected to be incredibly competitive against each other to prove themselves they have the superior gene worthy to breed. We are expected to be the strongest, smartest, tallest, have higher social influence (whatever that implies), and better at gathering resources (like cash).

    And the "prize" for all that is the ability to pass on your genes.

    Now a women also have to prove herself worthy. But from a mans perspective (rightly or wrongly) they appear almost trivial in comparison. I know shaving your legs is a chore and so is making yourself "presentable" (whatever that means). But as a man, I'm expected to excel in my career. It's not good enough to have a descent job, I'm expected to be the best in my field. I'm expected to be the fittest, fastest, strongest which take considerable more effort than putting makeup on and not eat like pregnant whale.

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  • U know why and they know why...
    But logically human being never like to do the job when someone else can do it for them and that it...

    That why I blame no else except the girls when she said " I have met only asshole and dick head"

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  • That's the problem with traditional thinking. Most people see courtship as a chase, where there is a chaser and chasee, when really, it should be a dance and both people begin the steps together.

    But if you decide to go down the traditional route: think of this way: Would you rather be the ACTIVE one, the one who takes action to achieve something you desire, or the PASSIVE one, who sits back and waits for things to happen to them?

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  • Girls have many options of guys all the time while the opposite isn't true. So girls will test guys and if the guy fails, the girl can go on testing all her suitors.
    Guys have rarely more than 1 girl around and cannot afford to reject her after a test.

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  • Because we instinctively think of women as wearing their heart on their sleeve. When a girl seems to like us, we know. If she seems to FAKE like us... at least any observant man should know. If she dislikes us we know. Guys tend to be more guarded about their feelings and there is a wide enough association that all guys are players that we put the pressure of proof on the guys.

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    • Well there are the black widows you need to watch out for they are very convincing

    • @Engelwulf Oh I'm aware. I don't deny that there are, my point being is that there is a large group of men that don't think that way. Whether it's perceived or not we feel like we can read women better than we can and the mentality of our culture is that women are the innocent while men are scum bags. That's not the way I see it but that's certainly the cultural norm. Women are naturally more emotional than men and because we instinctively realize that we make the false assumption that we can read them because emotions can be so difficult to conceal.

  • Because life and society are pointless and stupid , time and energy consuming.
    Life is a death penalty. It should never exist as if you live you are granted to die so non of this should eaven exist and if eaven you babies life will surely end up all together one day and non of our believes will matters.

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  • Because that's the way society has developed. There's no use in complaining about it. Women have most, if not all, of the power when it comes to dating. Don't fight it, you'll just look like the bad guy

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  • Women do prove it too in some cases if both sides are nervous it's best to talk pretty much about anything then there's no Un easy silence. Both party's ate at ease and able to show how they feel
    There's a lot of fear on both sides sometimes with all the what ifs running though your head

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  • Because women are all about love. Moment they see it isn't there they hit the road. If she doesn't give it back than she's a freak. Not a normal woman. Women are love. Love is an option to men, not a main function.

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  • Fuck that, if a girl can't be bothered to show me that I mean something to her then I clearly don't mean anything to her and I might as well just get what I want from her and dip out.

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  • It's both gemders faults. Women want to be lazy and keep their privilege. Men are feeding the ego cause they see it as their "duty". But more and more dudes are waking up to the fact that the only way to play the game is not to play at all.

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  • It's party natural and partly societal. If left on their own with no social pressure women still wouldn't ask men out as much as men ask them out because 1. They don't have to, men will still do it because they're more motivated to and have better self esteem. And 2. Women are too insecure to do it usually.

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  • Guys are the leaders 🙂 they were born to do these things first 🙂 you can feel it if you do tell a girl once.. it's a lot better feeling for you as if she was the first to tell so 😋

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  • Wemon never say that she likes u. no they've got a code we have to lern. if we say that we care for her they think were weak clinging to them. but that is not all ways the case. Wemon take a leap and just try u might be ready surprised.

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  • Get serious, we put all kinds of tests on women. Girls that didn't show enough interest didn't keep getting dates from me. You're making the classic mistake of only seeing the work that you have to do, only seeing your own perspective.

    Try asking girls WHAT they've had to do to prove to a guy that they loved him, or what kind of work they had to put in to convince a man to settle on her and propose that things go to the next commitment level when she clearly wanted it.

    Yeah, women generally want men to make the first move, but from the second we look at women we're sorting whether they're worthy of our attention. They've got their own bag of justified annoyances with the way the mating ritual works.

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  • To quote my ex, "it is all about me."

    Truth is girls don't care how the guy is feeling as long she is having her ass kissed constantly.

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  • The average woman has a lot more people interested in dating/sleeping with her than the average guy does so girls just don't have the same incentive to make the first move. I also think men are more attracted to the average woman than women are to the average man. There was an ok cupid study that showed women rated 80% of men as being below average in terms of attractiveness while the way men rated women more closely resembled a normal distribution.

    Despite that, most men do eventually end up in relationships which means women are willing to settle for men who aren't ideal, they just won't try chase those guys.

    Women do ocassionally "chase" men (think of celebrities who have armies of fangirls or just any guy who is consistently able to get women to sleep with him without having to pay for dates or offer commitment first). It's just that only a small percentage of men are desirable enough for a woman to think she has to take a risk on him or prove her worth.

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  • These are social stereotypes. It's hard to fight with this, but you can. It's time to just understand that the relationship needs both, not just the guys.

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