Thank you for your insight. I have thought about these things extensively over the past week. I know that her previous relationship wasn't so great and before that she got cheated on.But she did something completely out of the blue. She pretended to have a date and told her friend that she really doesn't want to lose us (the group). So it's better for me to think she is seeing someone. It really hurt me you know, mostly because i think it was kind of a dick move
She doesn't sound like a stable person in his best that you learned this now. Red flags all around. Regardless if she's been cheated on and not, or you can do is feel sorry for her but at the end of the day is best for you not to date her. She is better off in counseling than to be seeking another partnership. She's just going to drag you down, and then blame you for the things that she chose to do herself. Abort that mission ASAP. And this is coming from somebody who's always been hurt, and deals with the same psychological trauma. Not by cheating of course because I don't have those experiences thank God. But I even know for myself if I was her, I would not be seeking another relationship. I will be seeking help.
Thank you for your advice. I know that she has lost friends in the past (the guy cheated on her). So i think it's her own insecurities at play here. And yes, i am working on my sales pitch. If you have any ideas as to how to tell her that we need to have a talk, please share. Would be much helpfull
You're welcome.Seems to me you could take one of two approaches (or maybe both.) She is nervous, afraid to take a risk, and so with types like those they may be moved by inspiring them. Think of some really great, accomplished, successful leader, or entertainment person, or a character in a movie or story that you like. They usually have one thing in common. They know how to inspire and unite people, especially or even in the face of danger or low odds. They don't condemn people, but take a positive approach, build them up, embolden them, help them to find the strength in themselves. In this case, it would be you and her together, united, but perhaps you could also get the rest of the group on your side and rally them in support. If the fried group likes you both then great - tell them how much you like her and hope that they would support you two being together, and share her concerns with them and maybe they will help to reassure her that she won't lose them, in case it doesn't work out between the two of you. She sounds timid, and it really won't be the best thing for her in life if she never takes a chance, a risk. Of course we shouldn't leap before we look, but it is a good thing to sometimes take calculated risks. She doesn't trust, doesn't have faith, that you will all be there for her, but if the friends let her know they would never make her choose sides... well-cont'd
Her being cheated could be the reason/excuse for her being afraid to get hurt again, and to not embark on anything with a new guy. (But you are not new, so that's one in your favour; though she will take that as a negative because she has even more to lose, a friend.) Right now, she is feeling that she can't trust guys, I guess. But everyone goes through this. Everyone. Cheating or no cheating, relationships ending is no fun. But they don't have to ruin you (her.)The other idea I had was to just leave everyone else out of it, and have a nice, quiet, sit-down, heart to heart with her, and tell her how much you like her, and why you like her. You've had the chance to get to know her platonically, so you should fairly easily be able to come up with some observations and compliments that are genuine and heartfelt.And I remember that I answered this q recently. It's a bit of a script. Maybe some of it suits your needs/situation as well:Girls, Can you please help me to share my feelings with my crush? ↗
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