How do you move on from the past and get over of losing friends?

I can’t stop dwelling on the past and my past mistakes I feel guilt, shame and confused about things.
Growing up I always felt like I never fitted in which meant that I was never 100% comfortable with myself I had low self esteem and I really didn’t know myself.
Throughout my time at university I was very disorganised and all over the place I had so many friends I was speaking to a lot of people I was in a lot of friendship groups... inside I was suffering I had major insecurities and would always compare myself to everyone.. sometimes even my friends. I never knew who it was and what the hell I wanted out of life I spend a lot of time on social media and always felt like I wasn’t good enough or I had to post about how good my life was (but it wasn’t).
Anyway when I got in my first relationship I lost myself even more, I was insecure and jealous even though my boyfriend was honest. I just always felt like he could do better.
When I look back at my younger years I realise how silly and immature and crazy I was I have so much guilt. I have learned so much and I have become so much more aware of how I am as a person... I went back to uni to study for my masters and did amazing I’m so excited to start my new career and the next chapter in my life.
BUT my past is holding me back... I don’t know why I carry so much guilt I wasn’t a terrible person I was there for people my family and friends at time’s I wasn’t at times I guess I was immature but I was young.. I just know though that some of my friends weren’t real and really didn’t want to see me happy and I feel like I spend a lot of time with these people and they put me down.
Im trying to regain my confidence back I have blocked and ghosted a lot of people from my past I don’t really miss them only a few ( 3/4) I guess I miss the good times and how free we used to be when we were young.
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BUT why do I keep thinking about them and snooping on their social media... I just want to completely move on now and forgive myself for old mistakes and just focus on me.
I have tortured myself for 3 years crying going into anxiety and depression ( none of my old friends no any of this)... I have struggled to find myself and who I am and my feet in my career.. no one knows the battle I have had with myself.
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Life is so short I have loving good people in my life and I am smart when I am focused I can do anything I have so much potential. But my lack of confidence and my past is holding me back from just letting go and doing me. I keep comparing myself to old friends and I feel threatened by them and by a lot of people. I just want to be happy. I wasn’t always like this I am a good person but I think over the years at my younger days I spend to much time with the wrong people
How do you move on from the past and get over of losing friends?
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