Why is she okay with me complimenting her, but not saying she'd be cool to hang with?

Question

I once worked with her, though I was more friends with her best friend than her. She's married and very religious. She was always quiet and very humble. She was cool and I told her that But she got mad, saying she was not going to allow me to ruin her marriage. Didn't get that, but I backed way off.

I hadn't spoken to her in like a year. Now I see pictures of her, and I compliment her. She loves it. Why is me telling her, indirectly, that she's attractive or I find her attractive okay, but not me saying she's cool and I would have loved to hang with her.

I did say I never asked her because I knew She was not comfortable.

Answer 1

ManWithThePlan123

Xper 6

She probably takes it as a sign that she is cheating on her husband or something even if you don't do anything. I'm sure the difference is that people compliment her all the time and she is just used to it, but she probably does not enjoy it if she is as humble as you say.

Asker

1 mo
cheating on her husband by me saying she was cool, nothing more, and letting her know I find her attractive is okay? That makes no sense to me. She was always very humble since I met her. Never really bothered anyone. I hugged her once and I sensed her discomfort. I respected that and never did it again.
ManWithThePlan123

1 mo
No she probably would see it as cheating if you two starting hanging out.
Asker

1 mo
Yea I get that, but I told her that's why I never mentioned it. She wasn't even comfortable with a friendly hug so there was no reason to expect her to be any more comfortable with that, which could have been in a group of friends. She blew up over that.

Answer 2

Asker

cheating on her husband by me saying she was cool, nothing more, and letting her know I find her attractive is okay? That makes no sense to me. She was always very humble since I met her. Never really bothered anyone. I hugged her once and I sensed her discomfort. I respected that and never did it again.

Answer 3

ManWithThePlan123

No she probably would see it as cheating if you two starting hanging out.

Answer 4

Asker

Yea I get that, but I told her that's why I never mentioned it. She wasn't even comfortable with a friendly hug so there was no reason to expect her to be any more comfortable with that, which could have been in a group of friends. She blew up over that.

Answer 5

In_Trance | 733 opinions shared on Girl's Behavior topic.

Guru

If you were in her husband's position, how would you feel about you talking to her like you do?

Asker

1 mo
Talking to her like what?
In_Trance

1 mo
Would you want another guy commenting on your wife's pics? Telling her she's attractive? Telling her that he would love to hang out with her?
Asker

1 mo
Me telling her she looks beautiful is no different than a woman saying it. It's not meant to be sexual. Saying someone looks beautiful is based on appearance, which is essentially telling the person they are attractive, even if you aren't stating it directly. Like calling a man handsome. You would not say that if you find him unattractive.
I told her I would have loved to hang with her, meaning past tense. Not necessarily alone, as we have mutual friends, but I never brought it up because I knew she was uncomfortable with that because she was uncomfortable with me hugging her. I sensed that. She did not tell me. I let her know straight up I was not hitting on her. Just wanted to say farewell because she was moving.
I'm not so insecure that I get mad if a guy simply says you look good or you look beautiful.
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In_Trance

1 mo
Do you think her husband would agree with you?
Asker

1 mo
No idea. Never met him.
In_Trance

1 mo
So why don't you take the opportunity? Tell him what you've been doing and see what he thinks
Asker

1 mo
Because I'm a guy or because anyone who compliments his wife needs to explain themselves? Neither of those make the slightest bit of sense so feel free to explain.
In_Trance

1 mo
I'm saying you're hitting on a married woman. If you were in his position, you'd feel the same. She shuts you down after the compliment and denies you hanging out, because she knows your game & isn't willing to play. If your compliment was truly sincere, you'd leave it at that. But you don't. You ask to hang out because you want to push for more.
Asker

1 mo
That is not what I said. That is your own interpretation of what I said that you worked up in your head.
I said I gave her a hug, because she was leaving to start her married life. I noticed she was uncomfortable, and I communicated to her that me hugging her was platonic. We were talking and I said from the beginning I could tell she was cool and I would have like to hang together. I meant that in a friendly way as I have told her I was not pursuing her. She took that as me trying to hit on her anyway, so I left it alone. We stopped talking much but we do no and again. She's been posting pictures, and I left a simple comment. You look beautiful, as do many other people. I did not ask her to hang out because she rejected my compliment. I was never pushing for more, hence why we barely talk. If she wanted more space, she could simply block me. She did not. We do not talk much outside of when I compliment her and occasional messages about random stuff.
In_Trance

1 mo
You asked a question and I gave you my perspective. If you don't like it, that's ok. I believe her actions enforce my opinion. You do what you feel is right.

Good Luck
Asker

1 mo
I asked a question and you continued to create your own interpretation, and gave your perspective on your own interpretation on it as opposed to what I just told you. Worthless.
No idea what you are wishing me luck on.

Answer 6

Asker

Talking to her like what?

Answer 7

In_Trance

Would you want another guy commenting on your wife's pics? Telling her she's attractive? Telling her that he would love to hang out with her?

Answer 8

Asker

Me telling her she looks beautiful is no different than a woman saying it. It's not meant to be sexual. Saying someone looks beautiful is based on appearance, which is essentially telling the person they are attractive, even if you aren't stating it directly. Like calling a man handsome. You would not say that if you find him unattractive.
I told her I would have loved to hang with her, meaning past tense. Not necessarily alone, as we have mutual friends, but I never brought it up because I knew she was uncomfortable with that because she was uncomfortable with me hugging her. I sensed that. She did not tell me. I let her know straight up I was not hitting on her. Just wanted to say farewell because she was moving.
I'm not so insecure that I get mad if a guy simply says you look good or you look beautiful.

Answer 9

In_Trance

Do you think her husband would agree with you?

Answer 10

Asker

No idea. Never met him.

Answer 11

In_Trance

So why don't you take the opportunity? Tell him what you've been doing and see what he thinks

Answer 12

Asker

Because I'm a guy or because anyone who compliments his wife needs to explain themselves? Neither of those make the slightest bit of sense so feel free to explain.

Answer 13

In_Trance

I'm saying you're hitting on a married woman. If you were in his position, you'd feel the same. She shuts you down after the compliment and denies you hanging out, because she knows your game & isn't willing to play. If your compliment was truly sincere, you'd leave it at that. But you don't. You ask to hang out because you want to push for more.

Answer 14

Asker

That is not what I said. That is your own interpretation of what I said that you worked up in your head.
I said I gave her a hug, because she was leaving to start her married life. I noticed she was uncomfortable, and I communicated to her that me hugging her was platonic. We were talking and I said from the beginning I could tell she was cool and I would have like to hang together. I meant that in a friendly way as I have told her I was not pursuing her. She took that as me trying to hit on her anyway, so I left it alone. We stopped talking much but we do no and again. She's been posting pictures, and I left a simple comment. You look beautiful, as do many other people. I did not ask her to hang out because she rejected my compliment. I was never pushing for more, hence why we barely talk. If she wanted more space, she could simply block me. She did not. We do not talk much outside of when I compliment her and occasional messages about random stuff.

Answer 15

In_Trance

You asked a question and I gave you my perspective. If you don't like it, that's ok. I believe her actions enforce my opinion. You do what you feel is right.

Good Luck

Answer 16

Asker

I asked a question and you continued to create your own interpretation, and gave your perspective on your own interpretation on it as opposed to what I just told you. Worthless.
No idea what you are wishing me luck on.

Why is she okay with me complimenting her, but not saying she'd be cool to hang with?

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