What inspired you to switch?
The empty feeling I got when I realized that they had disappeared and used me
Ahh, I understand. That was brave of you, to change your ways so much.And how different has it been?
Well I haven't had the chance yet. I think a big change i will make is not meeting them too quickly or keeping first dates in public so the chance for sex is less
That's wise.And what kind of relationship do you want, long term?
Yeah. No more flings
Okay, that's what you don't want. But what do you want?
I am just curious. If you don't want to answer, you certainly are under no obligation to
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Do you think there are exceptions to the rule, or do you think it's not a rule at all
I think there could be exceptions. But use wisdom
What kind of exceptions are you thinking? Could you give an example?
I agree. What's sad is when a girl uses her body to get a guy and thinks that she has somehow got him for her personality
Well, I don't think they think that. I think a lot of girls are discovering how to balance their looks and their personality.
Well I know for a fact that some girls think that. Certainly not all of them. And I hope that more girls find that balance quicker. It brings them a lot of happiness when they can
It's harder when there is no one to show them and they are too shy to talk about it.
I'm guessing that you went through a phase like this?
I don't know to be honest.
How would you describe your experience with it?
guys roughly in their mid 30s were really good with someone like me. When I was 20/21 they knew that they needed to gain my trust and I was very guarded, but once I let my guard down they got a lot out of me. I was certainly being used, and still to this day I don't know if I am liked for who I am, or because they like sex. I am 33 and still struggling. So I don't know if I am the person to ask.
Ahhh, That sounds like it's a huge burden. Everyone wants to know that they are loved for who they are, not because of the sex. We want to have sex, and a lot of it. But we want the person we're with to want to be with us first. And then the sex is a celebration of that relationship, as opposed to the foundation of it. Or, even worse, the relationship is an excuse for sex
I don't think this is a gender thing. I think this is a people thing. People need to start learning to communicate better, and stop being afraid.
That's true. And having sex early on in the relationship is a very new idea, culturally speaking. It's only a few decades old. So we don't really have systems in place to learn what we really want to learn about each other. There's just tons and tons of guesswork.In terms of stopping being afraid, are you applying that to yourself?
I am still afraid, but it doesn't stop me from pursing. I love someone now, and we are together two years. I don't understand how he likes me when we don't agree on this pandemic thing. I think this is something that matters. He doesn't seem mad at me, but I am frustrated with him. Although, I don't show it, or punish him for it. He also doesn't explain his view very well, so even when I try to understand it is hard.
That is good! Not letting your fear control your actions.why would a green on the pandemic thing dictate whether or not he likes you?Frustrated with him because it seems like he is not seeing what you are seeing? Are you two getting information from different sources?It's good you don't punish him for it though. And some men are just not very good at expressing themselves. That must make it very challenging sometimes
He doesn't see what I see because he doesn't research as much as I do, but yet it seems what I say holds no weight.
Do you mean if you attract men with your mind and heart, you'll get a man who wants you for your mind and heart?
All three, take care of your body but also mind and heart. Make sure they're all in good shape for you not for anyone else
Ahh. I like that perspective
To what degree?
Well a lot of men are attracted to just women bodies at first then they love in with who she is as well
I would say that a lot of men notice a woman's body first. But it doesn't mean he starts using her for her body first. Do you know what I mean?like, I could totally see myself seeing a woman who's really attractive because of her body and going over and talking to her, and not being willing to get her number or ask her out unless she had a good personality. And then being pleasantly surprised that she was a really nice person and then falling in love with her
I wish maybe I sucker for a good romance
You and me both 😁
Very much so. The secret is not about the body but the fact it's just a weapon to get what we desire
Weapon? Who are you attacking?
Weapon as in toolsI'm not attacking anyone, dear
Interesting. I disagree with this perspective too
I can see that. There are things we can only understand by living them. There is no self help book on earth that can teach you life
Some things. Yes. But not as many things as people think