How do I stop getting angry easily?

[zeitgeist057]

Recognize the problem is always the first step.

Second step is stop the process, what you are experiencing is a habit. It started with your boyfriend who taught you how to do it, then you modeled him and did the same behavior as a reaction to fight back.

Now you must unlearn the behavior by teaching yourself to stop before it starts, or if it has started, to start over. I think whenever it gets intense you need to stop whatever conversation or whatever you are doing as soon as possible and focus on something else. Then when you can be calm, review what happened.

I have dealt and deal with this still in my life, taught to me by my father. I wish you luck and you should know it will take focus, determination, and paying attention to yourself and others. There is great opportunity for beautiful growth, but it won't come without effort. I wish you the best.

One thing I would emphasize is doing work when you are calm. Tell your partner your plan to overcome this problem when you are calm, including the specific tools you will use like leaving the conversation, so that he can support you by not trying to follow or continue when you are upset and need to recover your calm. Practice meditation when you are calm. Review when you are calm. Too often I found when I was not upset, I would forget I had a problem. Then when it came back, I had not progressed in any way.

[Drakkith]

Sounds like you have a lot of built up resentment and frustration that is controlling you. I just broke up with my girlfriend a couple of months ago and just about every time I think about her I want to reach through time and space and throat punch her. Not because she's a terrible person, but because I put up with a lot of stuff for a year and a half and it just really gets to me now.

Luckily, recognizing that you're having problems is the first step to solving them. As for how, well, I don't know if I can help you. I was only able to solve my own by breaking up with my girlfriend, as she refused to even acknowledge she had depression issues and she constantly complained.

I think the key here is to look at your relationship and ask yourself if it's worth continuing it. Has your SO changed? Do you like him? Do you love him? Is he worth the time and effort it's going to take to make yourself better? Is he willing to help you and to change too if necessary?

If you answer yes, then you're going to have to find some way to forgive him and probably yourself too. Remember that forgiveness doesn't mean that it's okay that someone did something in the past, it just means that you're no going to let it bother you anymore or hold it against them.

[Anonymous]

stress for sure.
i used to be like this. it's what happens when you bottle things up. once the volcano is full, every small thing causes an eruptions because you're overwhelmed there's too much and it needs to get out.

i got to the point of rage blackouts when a small thing would cause an outburst i was not conscious of.
for me, i transferred jobs to a new a city, moved and broke up with the guy i was with (it got to the point where i was forcing myself to hang out with him and all id do is be mean to him and then feel like shit about being mean so id hang out with him again to make amends and again be mean... it was a cycle)
it took me doing ALL of those big changes, then i even wound up moving countries and actually changing careers and i realize now i was DEEPLY unhappy. with everything in my life. and i felt powerless and resentful and pissed about it.
i was angry because i was very unhappy and very stressed but i thought i was happy because i was in a relationship and a had a good job...

[Anonymous]

You don't need therapy, you need to leave him. He's probably gaslight you and making you feel like you're the crazy one. I was in a toxic relationship that left me literally left me sick to my stomach. I finally ended that relationship and I don't get sick to my stomach anymore.

I also witnessed my mother in a physically and emotionally abusive relationship and she was hospitalized because she had a mental breakdown. Be careful if you think you're the problem because it's probably him. I wouldn't be surprised if you left him and your headache and anger just disappeared.

[Nottoxic]

I tend to build up anger in the same way to the point that I feel it bubbling inside of me. That doesn't feel healthy at all. What I tend to do is go into my own head a bit and I'm usually seething with rage to start with. However, as time passes, I think about it from their perspective and let myself cool down for a bit. Only then do I talk to them about it.

I would really recommend thinking things through until you feel you are calm enough to talk to them about it. Chances are you will realise that you don't actually have a reason to be so angry at them. I tend to sink into my head until I am no longer angry at them.

Other things you can do:
- Exercise.
- Journaling.
- Leave if you aren't happy.
- Meditate.
- Get a punching bag to release your frustration.
- Spend more time doing fun things to improve your relationship.

If this is happening daily, the chances are you are irrationally angry so perhaps you should also apologise for being frustrated which might lead to greater understanding between the two of you.

[JohnuaLee]

Then there is something wrong. You subconsciously blocked off what is wrong. To me personally, it sounds like you are subconsciously holding some sort of grudge against him and you never told him about it. Though you also subconsciously decided to put that somewhere far away, now its just eating at you without you realizing it. If you think about your experiences with him, was there not anything you really wanted to express to him, but just didn't for whatever reason?
I have an issue with anger and realized it was because of this essentially. Though what really sucks is that the problem that makes me mad is so personal that I can never say it, and it makes me more mad. Although from how you made it sound, he's your boyfriend or someone close. So I can't imagine many things so personal you couldn't share no matter what.

[Alyssa11]

I used to have serious anger issues, until one day I got myself into really big trouble. The consequences kinda traumatised me and going forward I decided I was going to change this toxic trait of mine once and for all. It takes a lot of work but eventually, you begin to control your emotions. And the peace of mind I have now is invaluable.

[1stranger]

Imagine a cactus in your palm. Or sea urchin. When you get angry, you squeeze your hands and the thorns of the cactus prick in your palm. And you feel pain all over your body. Your hands are bleeding. Your breathing is getting irregular. You hold your breath. What you have to do;Release it.. Free the cactus.. Open your hands.. Release yourself.. Relax.. relax.. And take deep breaths.. deep.. deeper. Like inhale the scent of spring flowers...

[ConfusedOfTheWorld]

If you became like this just because of the relationship, then you need to assess whether you really need it, if it's an outside factor then you need to assess how to fix it. Anyway, you need to just calm down, and ask yourself "is it really worth it?

[chHaynes]

I would drink hot tea you think it's about to happen or start taking some turmeric and carry around some chocolate it will help curb the anger little bit for frustration I'm not kidding about a tumeric thing and hot tea that really works guaranteed try it for one week preferably with no sugar in the hot herbal green tea it may make your anger worse

[douchecannoue]

I'm a grumpy little turd if I dont have 2 cold showers/baths a week (sometimes just chilling in the beach in winter ) I watched a thing about wim Hoff and although I dont do it all properly (fuck breath exersizes) it really chills me out pun intended. But obvs not for everyone it takes a while till you start enjoying the cold lol

[iseekpinetrees]

Without reading ur whole paragraph... most likely your not expressing yourself well. Most often if ur always angry your not letting your feeling out and holding them back and it balls up n balls up and your always in this heightened pissed off mood.

[Pistolpete90]

I think you need to go to your doctor for some tests - this sounds like something more than a shitty relationship. Could be something hormonal or maybe a lesion/brain tumour. Extreme personality changes like this might indicate something else.

[GingerGuy]

Maybe need some counselling? Might also look at this relationship and consider if it should end? Toxic isn't a relationship you should stay in. Care for him or not. It won't be good for him either.

[Darcia]

Don’t think about it act like it’s nothing I don’t let stuff piss me off because I don’t have time to think about it.

[Maxilicious]

There should be some free or discounted therapy available if you look around although the number of sessions maybe limited. It maybe worth looking in to health insurance which covers it or trying online therapy which should be cheaper.

[Walamagicc]

You should leave the relationship and see if you can get counseling. Sounds like you have anger issues

[EduardoDealva]

Drink a huge malt liquor beer while watching YouTube videos or funny movies your anger will diminsh fast🥰. I know exactly how you feel therapy sucks anyway those meds mess you up more anyway

[michael1469]

Try taking 300mg if magnesium. It helps manage a lot of functions in the body. Blood sugar and mood oddly enough. I too felt tremendous anger and rage, but it seem much more contolled now. Mind you, i have 4 businesses and employees suck.

[aialex]

Don't keep it inside you. Talk it out with someone who gets it

[IlluminatiExposed0]

You need money for therapy. If you don't have the money that's just one more thing to be angry about. Remember suppressing anger is worse than expressing it.

[AmeerX]

Therapy doesn't help. What you need is some friend with good listening capabilities and doesn't have access to your so leaking information

[Anonymous]

it's all suppressed and repressed anger for how he treated you in the beginning. And you never addressed the issue with him and how it made you feel. so now you're just lashing out at him because of all that suppressed anger you have towards him

[OddBeMe]

Studying human behavior may help. Being able to empathize with a person’s situation even if they’re acting like an ass.