I feel sadness and even jealousy to see my ex in a happy relationship.
He has a girlfriend. She probably makes him happy and I REALLY want to be happy for him but deep down I don’t feel like he deserves it. I feel disgusting to be that spiteful to somebody who I supposedly loved.
There are 2 sides to every story. What happened between us is long and complicated but pretty easy to explain. Without making myself into some kind of helpless victim, I did choose to stay. But that’s because I thought he was a good person. And I compared every action he took against me to the things I had done in my life at one point or another and felt like “who am I to make him out to be some kind of villain when we all make mistakes?” But eventually he did something that hurt so badly that I haven’t been able to emotionally fully recover. Everything he may have done before then -collectively combined- couldn’t even add up to the pain of that one action. I guess what I’m saying is that I simply didn’t expect for him to do that to me. But he did.
I beat myself up trying to search inward to find out what can I fix to be a person who was worth treating better than I had been treated? But I eventually came back empty handed and I realized that he played me because he was not a good person towards me. And the good parts about him-he was saving it up for somebody like his current girlfriend.
the insult is that the woman he cheated on me with isn’t even his current girlfriend. His current is a nice girl. And I know I’m just on the outside looking in but I don’t feel like he deserves a nice girl. For as much as the experienced of being played humbled me and prompted me to try to change-I must admit that I was a nice girl too. So I think, why would you pretend to love me and then hurt me for no other reason that that you didn’t care about my feelings - Only to meet a girl who seems nice but treat her totally different than you treated me?
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