Do women only like assertive & commanding men if they're attractive?

[Ozanne]

I think I know what you're asking. Please correct me if I'm wrong...

You want to know that upon approaching a woman, will she appreciate your efforts if you're attractive. Will the flirtation, and the forwardness of a man asking for her number, her name, and general things done when approaching her - be more welcome if the guy is hot?

Simple answer: no. But there are also some reasons for yes. I'm saying "no" first because I don't want a guy to think he can jump the gun if he thinks he's good looking.

First, attractiveness is subjective. Who I find attractive, isn't going to be based on the man's opinion of himself. I can tell you I've been approached and hit on by many men in my life - many of whom fancied themselves as being something special. However, I did not think that way. Sure, maybe other woman would have (or did), but to assume that he's what *every* woman can appreciate as good looking is arrogant and presumptive.

Second, will I even be willing or in the mood to have such attention? While a lot of women don't mind the "you look nice today" if we know the guy. But if he's someone we've never met, it gets tricky. Perhaps you're giving up your seat on a bus, and say to a woman, "There's not much I wouldn't do for a woman who has eyes as beautiful as yours." (Okay, cringe if you must, but on the fly it's the only example I can give right now.)

Second - part 2: If a woman is open to connecting, I don't think "commanding" and "assertive" are particularly what she's after. Simple friendliness has always been the greatest trait of a man's personality. I'm not sure if this is just how you put the question, but I want it to be clear that these tend to be turn offs, even from good looking men.

Third, there are examples of women enjoying the attention from attractive men - and that's *only* if she happens to find the man attractive AND is in the mood to connect. I don't mean "connect" like she's willing to hand over her number. I mean in a general sense, when the attention is received well. This strange assumption that if a guy is good-looking is the first problem with all of this. Men send off signals to women that they either think their looks/power/money should give them access to do things that other men can't do, and then when denied - they blame the woman, thinking something must be wrong with *them*, when in fact, it can just be a simple matter of what the woman likes in a man. If she prefers a humble burger-flipper at Burger King who has cute brown eyes, nice smile, good sense of humour, and has some dedication to making her happy - that to me outweighs any sort of "attractiveness" a man thinks he has if he gels his hair just-so, wears designer clothes, has an important, high-paying job, drives a nice car, or even if OTHER women tell him how attractive he is. It just doesn't mean he'll be attractive to every woman, therefore - this is why men should not assume their actions will be welcome.

If you notice the woman's facial expression, she obviously thinks the first man is attractive, but does that mean every woman does? No. Therefore, he's no better or worse than the guy in the green coat to any woman who doesn't find him appealing. Maybe she's had a crush on him? Maybe she's seen that he flirts with only her and no one else? Second image: she doesn't seem to have much to offer the guy in the green coat. Perhaps he smells bad? He's her boss? He's just simply NOT her type - whatever the reason is.

You may have seen this meme on the internet. If not, here it is. When I first saw this, it actually pissed me off. It is NOT permitted necessarily in the first image, and it's NOT necessarily sexual harassment in the second image. This sort of message gives men a dangerous rationale of what they can or can't do based on *their* looks.

[Kashelybee]

Sadly there may be some truth to this if a person does not have discernment honestly either of these men could be a downfall. Sexy/fine/handsome is not always good for ya. True but sometimes if you give a guy you normally wouldn’t date a chance, you may like him or it could be a complete waste of time. That first guy will find love. His heart had to be in the right place and he needs to be with someone attracted to him. Being with someone who doesn’t like you is no fun anyway. I have a guy who was kind of a nerd a chance once because I didn’t want to be mean by turning him down. We went on a few dates. They were okay. We kissed. I thought there was something there but it wasn’t. We were so not for each other. I was so disinterested in him that it was sad. But he was super nice. We were just too different. Different religious views and everything. I just couldn’t fake with him. Also dated a guy who was cute like the second guy but he was ruthless and on several occasions while with him I literally thought I was going to die or get shot. He wasn’t a good guy but I learned my lesson from both types. Don’t go out with guys off sympathy. And don’t date felons. This might be irrelevant. But my man now is not a nerd but he is handsome but not too handsome where girls are sending him nudes lol I guess. I mean I would!! Ha! Kidding... He is a gentleman though although he is not perfect.

[TruthBringer]

IN GENERAL yes. Otherwise you'll be labeled as a "creep" or as being "rude".

It is no secret that attractive men get away with far more. Whether you're an introvert or an extrovert, you'll still stand out to women just for your looks. How you behave will determine the success. Lots of men complain about "hot guys get away with this and that, but when I do it, it's seen as creepy!". And I've witnessed this myself. The "lesser attractive" guys are often labeled as "creepy", "rude" etc. But when a more attractive guy does it, somehow this "rudeness" is seen as being 'bold'. And the "creepy" turns into 'intriguing'. I know this because I've experienced it myself. I've heard stories and complaints from the girls I've dated or slept with about the attitude of other guys. And lo and behold, the guys are "not attractive".

You cannot change your genetics. All you can do is do what they call "looks maxing". So look the best according to your own body by building muscle and wear body-fit clothes that make you look masculine rather than a highschool boy. When you look good, you will feel good. And people pick up on that.

[Not_Average]

I think you should priding yourself on being a loner by using friendlier terms like lone wolf. Humans are social beings, and if you don’t socialize, you’re going to be seen as strange to the world. Someone who’s over analytical and doesn’t speak doesn’t seem like a vibe women are attracted to.

I get the idea that you took yourself too seriously, so I’d loosen up. Women aren’t that hard. If you can tell a couple of decent jokes and create a fun environment, that’s all you need. It’s not all about being this super alpha assertive dude.

This isn’t to put you down, but to rather bring perspective. You need to start putting yourself out there and make conversation. Develop a social life. Your chances of landing a solid girlfriend after you do this will dramatically increase. Goodluck

[Anonymous]

Real life experience.

So at work there's these 2 guys. I work at a tech company. One guy he's soo hot i noticed this when I first met him the other guy he's normal looking but when I got to know them the hot guy is assertive, commanding etc. But I can't help but dislike him he's clipped straight to the point direct when at work but funny charming when not working most women fawn over him. The other guy he's much shyier, when he smiles its more genuine his face lights up. His visibily nervous stammers when he presented the 1st time. He has those kind eyes when you speak to him at work or after work his so sweet when you get him to talk about his nerdy ideas his pet rabbit he gets so excited his face lights up he was a heart of gold its just all so dang cute sometimes hot guy lectures him to be serious but even then he comes to help me kindly the other guy if i ask for help his just so horrid i avoid I can already tell shy guy maybe to shy to ask a women out, I wonder if he likes me... in other ways😳😅?
Anyway thats my problem 😂 my point is... NO! His hotness charm whatever doesn't mean anything because the coldness and lack of a beating heart shit puts me right off but I can't help crushing so hard for the other guy🙈

[SomeGuyCalledTom]

You should read Persuasion Secrets of the World's Most Charismatic & Influential Villains by Ben Settle. He's an INTJ personality type I believe, so many of the same traits you describe, but he uses that to his advantage so that other people 'chase' him rather than vice versa. (he's married now, but the same principles apply also to business relationships)

[Anonymous]

You don't see every situation from every angle. If you did, you'd already know the answer to this. What comes out of women's mouths is all semantics. Attractive men always have "personality traits" that carry a positive connotation. An attractive blow-hard is confident, cocky. An attractive loner is broody or mysterious. An attractive asshole is a straight-shooter.

Ugly men always have negative traits. An ugly blow-hard is, well, just a blowhard. Too arrogant. Egotistical. An ugly loner is a creepy weirdo. An ugly asshole... well, you know.

So a woman's assessment of a man's personality is 100% dependent on whether she finds him attractive or not.

[Anonymous]

I believe there is a good amount of interplay between looks, assertiveness, and wealth in attraction. They correlate with each other in interesting way. For example, a tall man may be treated differently by society which increases confidence. A confident person may come across as better looking, etc.

[Anonymous]

They like respectable, responsible, men who have confidence.
You need a source of income, you're own place and car otherwise whats the point of dating your trying to start a family right? Back when a I was 22 I realized how blindly I jump into the wrong relationships and at times could've cost me my life. I appreciate my freedom even more then ever.

[psychoticanimallover]

I’m not sure “assertive” or “commanding” are necessarily positive traits on their own. Depends on the rest of your personality. Being assertive is only a positive trait (for men and women) if you’re also fair and kind and not overly arrogant with it. No one likes someone who is so “assertive” they will take what they want while not considering anyone else’s feelings or how their actions will impact other people.

[Inquisitive3]

No, the last man I was very into is very assertive and not all that conventionally attractive, I don't think. I find him attractive though. There is just something about unshakable confidence that is highly appealing.

[Unit1]

Of course.
This guy? Not a chance in hell (he doesn't look bad to me).This guy? ABSO-FUCKEN-LUTELY

[Manduh]

Doesn't matter if someone's attractive. If they have charm then they have the power to sweep me off my feet. It's good that you're also straight to the point. Some women like that in a guy. It means you won't waste time beating around the bush and you're more than willing to say things as they are and not sugar coat them. Don't change that.

[fxllenone]

Everything that you do seems more interesting and positive if you are attractive. Both men and women see things that way, most men will admit that but most women will not admit it.

Though women want nice men too, otherwise who would they date, because when it comes to dating women want someone they can control, someone who spends a lot of money on them, and someone they can use to increase their social status.

These sort of men are men some theories define as "providers", while attractive and assertive men are defined as "lovers".

[gatchi]

Your question is gonna be hard for people to answer since you essentially asked "is this trait that many women find attractive only attractive if the man is attractive?" Its circular. Did you mean to ask if women only find an assertive man attractive if he's attractive in other ways as well? If so, the answer is generally yes, but context matters. Girls want guys who stand out. If most guys are assertive, he needs more than that to woo. But if a woman is surrounded by guys who never make the first move, being assertive alone could get you an in. But generally a guy needs to be attractive in multiple ways. Assertive and smart, smart and compassionate, compassionate and well respected... there are countless combinations.

[hi_it_is_me123]

Look when will guys understand that women ain't blind and also care for looks like guys do care about looks. Being attractive is important to your partner and the same goes for good personality too. I personally can't stand wanna be cringe alpha men or any male whores.

[winterfox10]

You just described yourself the way the FBI profiles a bomber. Maybe the reason women don't go for you is because you make them uncomfortable? I can say that you don't sound like a very friendly person, and a whole lot of people have told me that I remind them of Clint Eastwood

[Alyssa11]

I don’t like assertive and commanding men, whether they’re attractive or not. I’m just not built for that kind of energy I’m delicate.

[constantine15]

Anytime a woman says she likes a specific type of man... aka if she says she likes nerds or she likes blue collar guys... what she means is she likes “attractive” nerds or “attractive” blue collar guys.
Women will only like you if they find you attractive.

So, she will only like your assertiveness if you are attractive.

[FlyGirl95]

There’s a girl or boy out there for everyone. First and foremost Be Yourself. Know who you are. And be that person be joy and confidence. And then let people love who you are. Never try and be someone else unless you are a spy or secret agent 🕵️‍♂️

[G3tAClue]

Did you ever consider that it has nothing to do with how you look?

[DiegoO]

There ar different women, looking for different men. Ask yourself who you are, and what you are looking in a woman. From there on, you'll find many a match.

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

If you aren't physically attractive to her then is a no go from the jump. But if you are attractive to her then yes, generally women love men that are commanding and in charge, but the dude has to be a good and respectful man to them or they will not trust you or feel comfortable around you as they will feel you are trying to take advantage of them or potentially abuse them.

[extremelybored]

"Do women only like assertive & commanding men if they're attractive?"

Women find that attractive from all men, attraction with women has a lot more to do with how you act and make her feel than your looks. But it also doesn't hurt.