Guys and porn, I just don't get it! PLease help!

[Anonymous]

I have been dating my boyfriend for two years now. he is 21 years old. The first time I found out that he was watching porn, I expressed to him how it made me feel uncomfortable. So, he through all his pornos away. He quit watching porn for about 6 months and now he has just recently been looking up internet porn. When I found out, I asked him to stop, or to have me explain to him why he was watching it. He said, "i am not bord or anything, I am just horny and it helps, but I DONT masterbate to them, and it is not like I am checking out those girls." is it better that he looks and doesn't masterbate? how could you not check out completly naked girls? I guess I am just confused because my boyfriend is always all over me and tells me that I the most beautiful girl in the world to him and that he feels so lucky to have, that I am the hottest girl he knows and has ever dated... if this is true, why is he still looking at naked girls? He reput the promise ring that he had gave me on our 6th month anniverity on my finger, promising that he would quit watching porn... because porn was not woth losing me. He quit watching... then one week latey.. he told me that he had watched prn that day. After he said that I was quite so he left to a friend house. I went to spend this week with my dad.. My Boyfriend has become distant from me. and I am lost at what to do. I don't want to lose him, but he get verry jealous and hurt if I go out and dress a little more on the sexy side because guys check me out and it makes him feel uncomfortable so I change cloths constantly for him... why does he feel that guys shouldnt look at me, but he can look at lots of naked girls? I love him and am willing to give one last try to make it work, but how do I get him to stop with the porn? Do guys find the girls on the internet way more sexy then thier girlfriends? Can a guy be madly inlove with you and sill looked at porn? do guys keep these images of these girls in thier heads or once they are off the computer do the forget about it?

[Anonymous]

when someone tries to stop their partner from having natural human fantasy is wrong and abusive. Also going through their search history and phone, etc is controlling and abusive.

Female fantasy is generally mental and based on emotion, romance, and sex.
So women fantasize by stimulating thought, by reading a book or watching a movie about romance, love, and even sex. This is how women fantasize and how women get off.

Males fantasy is visual and based on sex. So porn is the same for males as a female watching a chick flick or reading a steamy novel.

YOU trying to force him to stop something he can not stop because it makes YOU feel bad is wrong and abusive. If he gave you an ultimatum and tried to force you to stop having mental fantasy you know you couldn't do it. You can't simply shut off the brain. It would be wrong for him to even suggest it.

The major difference between female fantasy and male fantasy is that when a male looks at porn he does NOT compare his partner to the person in the video. We focus on small aspects of the video we like, for example, the way a body part moves or looks. It has nothing to do with the girl even. Sometimes it's even the way the guy's penis throbs as it's unloading inside a vagina.
We don't take our fantasy and put false expectations onto you. We don't compare. YOU assume we do because as a female you compare yourself to other females constantly. WE do NOT.

Female fantasy does actually push false expectations onto your partner. Women watch romance movies, make their partner watch them with her, then say shit like "You should be more like that" or "I wish you did those things for me" etc. Putting bullshit expectations from your fantasy onto us.

SO leave him alone with his fantasy, stop trying to shame it and stop it. It has NOTHING to do with you. If you don't like it, YOU need to get over YOUR issues.

[Anikaj]

You guys sometimes forget how different we are from each other and guys can't controll themselves as well as girls can. Some guys get that build up and can't help it, maybe he doesn't wanna seem like a horndog by asking you to mess around every couple hours or whatever but really porn is better than cheating unless you kind of consider him slightly cheating with the porn. Plus those girls are like experts and do sum stuff that no one has tried at home, I know it sounds crazy but I've heard this before but try watching it with him. Watch it with him right and kind of ween him off of the porn and onto you. Just a thought, maybe it will work and maybe it won't but maybe worth a try

[kayleigh1981]

ok...one of my ex's would try to get me to watch porn with him and I couldn't...it just made me laugh hysterically. I thought it was the funniest thing ever. he'd get mad because I found it funny.

next ex actually got me to LIKE porn. I don't watch it by myself, but I did with him alot. he also got me to loosen up in the kink department.

current man is the same ex that I laughed at porn with. he's actually amazed that I like it now. guess several years apart really can change the relationship.

we don't watch it often, but when we do I'm a willing participant.

i'm still not sure why guys can watch it alone, but I know why they watch it with their girlfriends :)

[Anonymous]

I actually thinking he is actually going to become controlling in possessive of what you wear maybe the most important thing you should do is explain to your own father on what he has been treating you like meaning your boyfriend has been treating you with whatever disrespect he's been doing and see how your father we would handle it. Sounds like you have a pretty much very sadly toxic low life boyfriend kind of like mine which can't even get his self together. Keep safe.

[regular-guy]

Porn is addicting, period. If a guy likes porn the only way he will quit looking at it (for longer than just temporarily) is if he begins to not like porn and commits himself to a different more spiritual lifestyle. If he sees no problem with the porn except that you don't like it, he won't quit, he will just hide it. Even if he does see a problem with the porn, it may still be difficult to quit.

If you want a guy that doesn't look at porn when he is with you, you will have to pick a guy that wouldn't look at porn anyway. You also have to be the kind of girl who lives and wants a higher level of spiritual and moral commitment yourself and expects it from the men you choose to be involved with. It is hard to walk down the road to Babylon and expect to end up in Jerusalem.

[cjwright79]

'Can a guy be madly in love with you and sill looked at porn?'

Madly, yes.

If he just loves you he might not be quite so cool with the idea of you finding him at the porn sites.

[escence_e]

hey as you say .. I guess your boy friend is tooo possessive and yea I guess he might be imagining those nasty things when you are with him or when you dress in a more appealing way. You haven't mentioned which quality has attracted you the most towards him ! its obvious not his porn activities and also not his false promises of abstaining from porn.

If there is some thing which appeals you the most then better evaluate it with his activities which are questionable ( like breaking promises and things like that)

Besides, I don't want to use harsh language for him ... but I will say he is mentally sick and you have to decide what you want to do with him ! treat him or leave him ... No suggestions on that from my side as its not a part of your question and also because there is something about that guy which makes you glued to him despite his filthy acts!

[99freshman]

Guys are horny little creatures I now this because I am one. and as far as images I say this what done in vages stays in vages so what's done on the computer stays on the computer and I don't know how to get any guy off of porn.

[Arics]

Are you willing to give him an orgasm ~5 times a day, every day? Most likely not.

[soul1112]

Nobody actually needs to jack off 5 times a day. That thing is simply an easy overdose.

[soul1112]

That's the thing nowadays. People are able to tell you they "love" you and still do this kind of it. But, hey, apparent it's "alright" since he's "not actually cheating" and let alone the fact that they're on a video and not real life. This thing is ingrained into society, and the problem will persist as long as people are okay and call regular masturbation "healthy".

I don't mean to be mean, but a no one that really loves their special someone would do that. People in real life do this. We men, do. Hence why I wouldn't consider setlling with a woman if I am not all that attracted to her. I would never tell her she's the most beautiful and tell her I love her. I guess he does "love" you in the very basic way people do nowaday, in which you mostly have your experiences to built yourself upon.

I'm sorry, my two cents.

[Mciahmc]

Wow! 1 your what every guy is looking for because when your willing to change your clothes for him that makes you A W girl to have by the side. Ehhhh it’s like a habit those images are still in your head if you watched open Over and over and over and over those images still are in your subconscious. It’s a problem just like cigarettes 🚬. There’s an issue here that needs to be addressed before it becomes bigger than what it is. No they are not sexier at all. He may not realize what he has though because I did the same before. So tell her something like no porn for a year or your out of there! That’ll wake his ass up ⬆️.

[Anonymous]

Just walk away... he's not worth it.

[Anonymous]

Ok we have been looking at porn for a very long time, it gets us horny we jack off simple as that, when a girl says don't watch porn of course we are going to say ok I wont, and then once you leave or we don't see you for a couple of days we watch porn again.

To put it very simple a leopard can't change it's spots, so there's no use in trying to change that. Guys look at porn it's a guy thing, so just let it be, it won't stop and the reason is it is so easy to access type in boobs in google and you get a million porn sites, and also the fact we grew up looking at it, from the time we discovered our dads or friends dad's first playboy. Porn is not cheating half the time the porn chicks may have a pretty face but damn they are some nasty hoes. But hey we like naked chicks.

It only would become a major problem if you are there wanting to have sex and he says no I want to watch porn. If that's the case he's an idiot and doesn't deserve to have a girlfriend because he would rather use his hand to get off than have a naked woman on his bed about to give him the real thing.