He says he cares about me but doesn't want to hurt me...what should I do?

I called him out on being hot and cold and flaky and told him that I had feelings for him. He said he had been unsure whether or not I had feelings for him. He told me he has feelings for me and wanted to tell me but held back because he wasn't sure how I felt and because he's been hurt badly in the past and isn't in a good place emotionally and doesn't know what he wants. He told me he thinks I'm beautiful, that he thinks about me, and that he's wanted to kiss me. He says he's tried to keep a healthy distance at times because he's afraid of hurting me but assured me that he does care. He just kept saying he doesn't want to hurt me.

I guess my question is...he says he doesn't know what he wants and isn't ready for commitment but makes it clear he has feelings for me. Does he really not know or is he just afraid? It seems to me like its a fear issue more than not knowing. But I don't know. How should I proceed? I really care about him but I don't know how to respond to this.


Most Helpful Guy

  • I think it's a little of both. He's scared of hurting you and getting hurt himself, but he also doesn't really know how he feels yet. I would recommend letting him know that you still have feelings for him, and telling him that you're going to give him some time to work things out and decide what he wants.


Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 1

  • Both. Both actually. He is afraid and that creates confusion, so I suppose they are intertwined.

    You don't proceed.

    • So I should just tell him we need to set the boundary firmly as friends and that I'm going to date other guys?

    • Yes. He says "I'm not ready" so then you take that as a literal standard and say "Fine, then I'm off to see the Wizard of Oz without you!"

What Girls Said 1

  • Walk away until he is ready. This is a big red flag. It'll save you 3 or 6 months down the line after you are fully invested in a relationship with him and he bails because he is "still unsure and doesn't want to hurt you".

    You deserve a guy that knows he wants you and is prepared to do what it takes to be with you.

    Don't sell yourself short. This guy will let you down - I can promise you that.

    He was very honest with you. There is no mystery here. He told you clearly he wasn't ready for a relationship. Move onto a guy who is.

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