Note: it seems pretty weird to use my own avatar as the head photo for this Take but I really couldn't think of anything better to express how it's about my point of view really, and couldn't find a good enough photo to put it across.
Some of you might remember back in September when I put out the notice I would be leaving GaG because of big changes going on in my life and having little time to be here. Then some time later I managed to come back for awhile, wanting to get back into writing.
And then I left again.
This time it wasn’t because of my schedule or being busy. It was because of the community. First I want to note - like I always do - that I never hold any resentment towards the staff or site creators for what goes on here, and I’m not going to slander the people who made me an Editor which has been a nice privelage. I already apologized to one Admin for a nasty disagreement we had which was very unnecessary on my part, so I’m not looking to have bad blood with management.
Sometimes the changes they make are really irritating but that’s about site design and politics, stuff to intrigue people and make them want to join, or leave. But what the staff and creators do has nothing to do with how the GaG community is. I know that the creators’ vision of the site doesn’t always match ours, and vice versa. And they don’t intend for there to be some of the nonsense that goes on here. So I don’t blame them for everything.
So why?...
The main reason I left GaG is simply because the community is just not realistic enough for me, and that’s just been a disappointment to be honest. No doubt, there have been some things here I really have found to be pretty deep and truthful, and sometimes even helpful for me, but overall I see things here people talk about that is either not very common or really not even as big a deal as they’re making it. People here seem to want to convince us that the way the world is really isn’t what it is, or that how they see the world is how it really is. Don’t get me wrong, we all have our own opinions and experiences, but some things are just undoubtedly the facts in life whether you think it or agree with it or not, and a large chunk of the stuff people here think is fact or reality is what most people in real life would not agree with.
I know because many times I’ve actually asked people in real life what they think about something I saw somebody say on GaG, and they almost always disagree or think it’s ridiculous. I’ve also asked some of the same questions I ask here on Google+ in poll form and the results are usually drastically different there too. The stuff here is so unrealistic - or at least limited to certain circles - that it pretty much makes GaG an original realm of its own on the web. Neither Facebook or Google+ has the thought processes of GaG. Nor does Answerbag, Reddit, or Blurtit. Even when I was on Experience Project with all its jokes and crap, people still had real world sense when it came down to it. And even YouTube commenters aren’t quite this bizarre. To be sure, all of these sites have their own levels of mental imbalance yet are still oddly more realistic than GaG.
There's also too much collegiate stuff. People try to use way too many scholastic studies, articles, stats, etc. to prove their points or make an argument, when at the end of the day most of it is different from the real world and does not apply much of the time, even to their own lives. And it eventually becomes too hard to take you seriously when you don't have any real world wisdom or life skills to offer anybody or teach anything to us.
Antagonism…
Which might actually be the biggest problem with GaG. Most people are not really here to listen, understand, or respect what someone is trying to say. The community is very selective with reading and zeros in on the tiny details. They want to skim through Takes, catch the parts they want, and be quick to respond in disagreement or malicious naysaying. It’s a competition to see how many upvotes they can get for going against somebody or firing back. They get mad because somebody spoke against feminism, “slut-shaming,” or MGTOW without really hearing the person out. Even if you disagree, there’s a better way to do it, and it helps to find some parts of what the person is saying to agree with.
In my own early days of being here I could be pretty antagonist myself, but eventually I had to ask myself if it was really necessary. Do I have to have something to say in disagreement with this person? Or maybe I should just try to listen through what they’re saying first.
Age…
I know that GaG is largely a community of youth who either haven’t had a lot of experience in life or just have limited perspectives - and I try to be sensitive to it at times - so they’re still in a stage where how the world is either bothers them or even thrills them, and they detail their ideas through the lens of their own dreads and insecuritites or their expectations, and want to convince us of an understanding they think they have but don’t. However, I am also surprised at even some of the people my own age or older who are naive and believe the same stuff, or even call themselves counseling or advising youth with their strange viewpoints.
Some of the young Gaggers have tried to tell me they realize they’re young and don’t know a lot and that they’re here to learn and get knowledge from those of us with more experience or age, yet they’re not really as interested in that as they’re saying, because they still insist that the world is the way they see it and the rest of us are wrong.
Insecurities...
Overall though, from what I’ve observed in all my time being here, it seems to be the biggest thing is that many Gaggers are full of insecurities about themselves and dispositions with the world, and is a place for them to exude the ideas and behaviors their insecurities make them have.
The virgin guys are trying to convince us they’re not bothered by the females who’ve already had sex - or lots of it; the sexually experienced females want us to view their experiences as the most valuable and knowledgable while we should discount the guys’ experiences; the feminist-minded females who went to college feel like they need feminism in their life to make them a woman and are on a never-ending campaign to convince us that women are still largely injured by men; the guys who’ve struggled to get a date or get sex want to convince us that most other guys have the same problem in comparison to women so they won’t feel so bad about themselves; the plus-size haters have unrealistic eyesight on what a “fat” woman is and what constitutes good physical beauty; and the females are trying to convince us that the guys on GaG are the only ones who are angry, misogynist, or jealous virgins attacking women while they pretend they’re not attacking the guys and disguising their own anger with comments laced in fake laughter and “lol”s.
Racism…
The bigotry here also surprised the hell out of me once I really started seeing it more upclose. But the kind of racism it mostly is is towards interracial dating or sex, which was pretty baffling to me, something I also have not seen as badly on other sites. I’ve been amazed to see bigoted Gaggers hating white girls for dating black men or sleeping with them or even only prefering them, or saying black women are ugly and that the white guys who like them don’t know beauty.
I’ve also been totally perplexed by the people who are trying to convince us that interracial relationships between blacks and whites “isn’t that common.” These have to be people who either do not get out enough, live in an area with a much higher populus of whites than blacks, or are going by fluctuating dating site stats. Interracial relationships between blacks and whites - and even blacks and Hispanics - is quite a large thing in America, and growing, and most people know it. Also the majority of America’s mixed kids come from those relationships. Anybody out there who really pretends they don’t see this or aren’t aware of it is just insane and proves that there is still racism in this country.
I live in the Greater Washington, D.C. area where racial diversity is so big and interracial relationships are so common and I see it every day, that we make it on the map as No.2 in being the most diverse area of the country. However, even if I never lived here and never saw a black-white/black-Latina/black-Asian relationship in my life, I still would not be as foolish as to think it’s not common when I would clearly be made aware of it in many other ways.
So why am I writing this?…
Just like it was when I left Experience Project, I found that your head gets clear after being gone from GaG for a good while. Your state of mind balances itself again and you stop letting so much space in your head be taken up by all the echos and bologna from the crowd. Real life returns, and people’s ideas here pale in drastic comparison.
So why do I write this? To help any others here who find themselves deeply tangled up in GaG and can’t seem to break their minds away. I’ve talked to some folks from time to time who tell me they actually hate this community but can’t break away. They get caught up in the cycle I’ve been in before on Experience Project: they think if they keep talking enough, if they can keep fighting back with their own answers and comments to all the questions and Takes that they’ll be able to put some sense into people’s heads or make a dent in the waves of group-think, and it doesn’t work. All you do is increase your rank and MHO% because of your activity, but you make no real difference in the world or for these people. Most of the community has already decided it doesn’t want to hear what it doesn’t agree with or what they don't see.
Even now part of me feels like I could come back and would want to share more real life and perspective with people, but it would just feel like a waste of time in the end. If I do come back, I just want to stay out of all the pointless arguments and focus on what can actually enlighten or benefit anybody in any relevant way.
Just do it...
If experience and real life answers is what you want, you have to get up and get out there and not be afraid to face this world. If not now, when? You can't live your life trying to learn life through the experiences and opinions of other people. Although the creators and admins designed this site in good intentions to be a great place for people seeking answers, it’s going to be of little to no help when it comes to dealing with life. Sure, you can get great answers about how to be prepared for your first time, how to give h*ad/eat p*ssy, how to move on from a break up, but for the rest of the big answers you need, this place isn’t it. You have to get yourself out there, don’t think too hard on anything, and get busy living and learning for yourself.
Most Helpful Opinions