How do guys handle being betrayed/lied to?

I have been a serious relationship for 3 years (I'm 21 and he's 22) he's a wonderful boyfriend every girls dream: loyal, committed, honest and there for me. . But we went to different colleges and we had been struggling I had felt he wasn't really there and I felt neglected... One night we had a huge fight where he ignored me all night and said awful things because he was angry. Long story short I went out (he was already out) and I ended meeting this guy but it wasn't like that or anything we just talked for hours. I am use to getting a lot of attention from guys but this guy I had just met was different he didn't say anything about my looks or anything. He and I ended up hanging out like 5 times and when we did we hung out in his room it was late at night which looks bad but NOTHING ever happened by the way us. We only talked I just wanted the comfort Anyway my bf found out from seeing a Facebook message from the guy saying come and hangout and he was devastated rightfully so.

I had worked VERY hard to get him to forgive me, he never broke up with me he just took a break for a week not even and then we finally saw eachother and we've been good ever since. I know he loves and cares for me a lot
but I also know he's not fully opening up, he wants space more than usual which I understand. Girls and guys deal with this much differently so I just want to understand how guys deal with it?
(It happened in late February and then he found out in march)


Most Helpful Guy

  • How we deal with this depends on the temperment of the guy, his relationship experience, his relationship security level, how invested he is in the relationship, etc.

    When I was younger, I would have been much more affected by stuff like this than I am now. I was more jealous, I was less secure and confident. In my life, I've been in relationships where I would have been destroyed to find out I'd been cheated on, and been in relationships where I wouldn't have cared one bit.

    But, lets use an example where I'd have been devastated, because I really loved and cared about her and was invested in the relationship, because it sounds like that's where your man's at.

    In his position, I might forgive you, since you're clearly my first "serious" relationship and I don't want to lose you, but I wouldn't trust you. While I might "say" that I believe you when you say "nothing happened", the truth is that I don't know. Maybe you're telling the truth, and maybe you let him go ATM every time you were together. I have no way of knowing, so the cynical part of me assumes you're a cheat.

    So while I'd be hoping for the best, I'd be ~expecting~ you to do it again at some point. I would have very little faith in the relationship, and little faith in you. My attitude towards you would change. I'd try not to make it really apparent, but I'd be guarded towards you, to prevent myself from being hurt too badly the next time you fuck me over.

    This would probably change over time, and your continued efforts to show your dedication to me/our relationship would overcome my doubts, but it would take a serious amount of time, probably a couple of years before I fully trusted you again.

    • He is the easiest going guy, doesn't get bothered or angry by much EXCEPT when I keep arguing about the same thing at him he'll explode and get extreme angry and cold. I'm his first girlfriend he very attractive and gets attention from girls but he doesn't just date he's the kind of person who has to really get to know you until he even wants to date.
      Why is it so hard for guys to talk about it?
      When I ask what I can do he says just be yourself cute and happy but ill do that and I know he's their but it's only half way.
      It's frustrating but I guess in his case I need to be the patient one...
      Thanks for your input!

    • There isn't really anything you can actively "do" to fix things. All you can really do is try NOT to do things to rock the boat and give it time. With time, he'll start to believe that you honestly value him and your relationship and it won't be just words anymore.

      But time is the key. Things will get better, it's just a process.

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What Guys Said 2

  • Long distant relationships are hard to maintain. If you are both equally committed then you should be able to have guys and girls as friends. Don't hang out in a guy's room for hours, though, and definitely do not get hands-on with them. That can lead to bad things. Trust is the key, and also letting the guy friends know that they are in your friend zone in various ways helps.

  • He probably still has it in his head that there was a possibility something happened and you and the over guy agreed to keep it between you, your lucky he likes you though I would of soooo dumped you:)


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