This isn't a knock at all guys, a lot of guys on G@G are super cool, super smart, super entertaining, all of that jazz. But there are others out there that never cease to amaze me.
Just today someone messaged me saying I seemed like a cool user. I simply thanked this user, and he followed up with a crude yet effortless statement: How big are your tits? They look spectacular...
When I told him he was an idiot he asked me why and what he could have said to get me to answer. After giving him a piece of my mind and blocking him, this very question came to mind: who taught these people that this kind of shit works?
So, I am asking you G@Gers: What do you believe convinces people like this that this kind of behavior works? Is it that there are women that it actually works on? Is it that they are socially stunted or misinformed? I'd like to hear what you all have to say.
Most Helpful Guy
I think there are a couple of things that drive this behaviour.
First and foremost is that they are obviously socially maladjusted. That kind of thing is not appropriate, but they don't seem to even realize it. I don't want to get into a 'this is why we still need feminism' type rant, but the fact that a lot of guys still think that they have some right to discuss a woman's body in sexual terms without any sort of permission is a cultural failure. A lot of discussion about 'rape culture' seems to miss the point that it's not simply about rape. It is about the perception that men have the right to want to talk about and access a woman's body, regardless of her thoughts on the matter. A normal human would have no interest in talking about their intimate body parts with a random stranger, but because they are made to believe that if they want it, they should be able to have it, their is a cognitive disconnect and they just plough forward with their sexual wants without thought to the effect it will have on the other person. It is a level of selfish entitlement that needs to be stopped at an education level - if you are trying to fix it person by person you will lose.
So, there's that. Then there is the fact that once in a while, it may actually work. They aren't being properly punished for making other people uncomfortable, so they just keep doing it until it works. The fact that most of the time it works because the person is actually a catfish, or someone trolling them, or someone fucking with them, is irrelevant, and lost on them completely. They got a pic of a boob. They are happy. It's Skinner Box psychology - they keep hitting the button without penalty for failure, and with even an infinitesimally small chance of success, and they will learn to just keep hitting the button over and over and over. Slot machines tap the same thing.
Because it's reinforced with operant conditioning, it is hard to get them to change. They just need to find one catfish that will play along, out of a thousand requests, and the behaviour is reinforced. The only way to stop it would be to make the penalty for poor behaviour bad enough that the conditioning will reinforce that asking sexually inappropriate questions will result in punishment and discomfort. Or to teach them that they are not entitled to simply discuss a person's body or sexual inclinations at will. That is a longer process though (albeit a better one long term).2