Why do so many total strangers here get so defensive when a QA does not submit to their misinterpretation of them and applaud them for it?

I've seen quite a few instances where someone will answer a question then get outright defensive if the QA objects to their post. They proceed to immediately resort to the overused, often misplaced phrase "You're just mad because I didn't tell you what you want to hear." without stepping back and humbly considering if they don't have all of the facts. Too many people here seem incapable of giving a SUBJECTIVE, helpful answer without using their position as an opportunity to act like they're on a panel of jurors. It's incredibly frustrating to come here for sincere help and have a run in with several people who are seemingly more interested in stroking their ego with arrogant, pushy assumptions based off of impartial facts rather than truly being of help. There have been a couple of times where I've made a post, in the heat of the moment boiling over with frustration, and some stranger who has absolutely ZERO hands on experience of my personality nor truly knows the depth of my relationships, friendships, and overall life, will sit there and try to tell me who I am, what I'm about, and what my core problems are. Then if I don't submit to their wrong conclusion, they're quick to get pissy and tell me how right they are despite the fact that THEY DO NOT KNOW ME.

Is it that difficult to advise someone on a situation without making all types of assumptions about their character and the way they interact with others? Do you know how to specifically advise someone on a situation at hand without telling them who they are and categorizing their personality based strictly on the limited exposure you have of them? What are your thoughts on this post? Any personal experiences?

Some people speak of assumptions as if they are facts, give themselves far too much credit, then get defensive when the QA not only doesn't praise and thank them for their extensive post, but is dismissive of their conclusion because it's wrong.


Most Helpful Guy

  • i think this goes both ways.
    Yes people should not presume to know things they don't know about situations, people, or whatever. they should be thoughtful when answering a question to try and sort of straddle a line between offering advice without projecting unfair bias or opinions

    That said, when you ask a question you are soliciting advice. you are soliciting opinions. you are essentially standing before the jury and asking their opinion.

    It's just a balancing act. I know I try and answer questions as fair as I can without intentionally skewering the asker but even still people I've had to go on the defensive. Sometimes the scenario is clear or people read into things (fair or foul) where they shouldn't. Just try and keep in mind the old adage no one can hurt your feelings without your permission. I think that extends to the notion of someone presuming something that isn't true or offering an opinion that may just be flat out wrong. just consider that MOST people are trying to help, if their help isn't helpful ignore it

    • correction: "sometimes the scenario is unclear..."

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    • By name I mean username of course.

    • trgafgdajkkkilk, lol sweet dreams ;P

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 7

  • Everything u said has gotten a little worse recently because the minimum use age went down from age 16 to age 13.

    • are you shitting me? O_o

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    • lmao at trgffggffgfg *woah that name was like a typing exercise*

    • I agree. The maturity has gone downhill lately.

  • I've noticed that too and my opinion is just an opinion so its fine if someone disagrees with it. I actually expect people to disagree sometimes.

  • You live in a world where being "Wrong" is equivalent to murder and the accused must defend themselves to the death if they are to retain their honor. That's all there is to it.

    • uhmmm not really lol You can't tell what type of world I live in; you don't even know my name nor my daily behavior. This is what I'm talking about: random strangers coming to posts and acting like they truly possess the factual knowledge on a total stranger to tell them about themselves.

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    • Quite the contrary. You said: "it's because you mentioned that your d*ck is hard from talking to me". It is a biological bodily function that I have little control over. You gave it as the reason, now you are saying something entirely different to justify yourself. It makes me further question how genuine you really are here in this thread, already asking all anonymously and such.

    • trgggfjghghg, okay lol hope you can find it in yourself to let it go and move on with your life. Toodles

  • Girl, people on this site are not the brightest. Especially considering men. Probably none of those with an IQ above 115 are on this site which leaves mostly only the male idiots here considering SD deviation between the genders.

    • Also I want an edit button :/

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    • Me too ! And I'm Pretty damn smart

    • No one can understand what I write anyway and it isn't like I or other people would really care.

      She was complaining about logical contradictions within the comprehension of people answering questions asked here in general not about giving good/bad advice per se.

  • Because you look pretty silly when you give people so much information that makes it incredibly obvious that something is true and then you say it isn't and get all defensive about it. When you give people 2 and 2 and then argue that the answer is 7, it's just silly.

    You do yourself no favors when you continue to tell yourself that 2+2=7.

    • I guess. Perhaps many people need to learn how to answer a question without ultimately trying to dictate who someone is and what their life is about. I'm referring specifically to people who come to your post and try to tell you exactly who you are and what you are about. Instead of actually giving a helpful answer for your situation, they get distracted arrogantly showcasing their false discovery about who they think you are. I'm talking about users who try to be Sherlock Holmes up in here.

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    • XOXOXO

    • right back at ya, sweetie ; )

  • Most of the time the question asker only gives partial information, in an attempt to get the answer they want to hear. If they don't get that answer and are actually called out for being at least partially responsible for their situation they get upset and use the "you can't possibly know what is going on" excuse. Which if true means it was stupid of them to ask that question in the first place.

    If they were really dismissive of the opinion they question asker wouldn't need to reply to the post. When they do that, what is really going on is the question asker is going out of their way to show they disrespect to the person that didn't give them the answer they wanted.

    • Perhaps the QA didn't feel it was necessary to give more personal details in order for someone to adequately answer the question. You can't just put every QA in a box like that. Just because some QA's speak selectively so they hear what they want doesn't mean every QA has that motive. Personally, I leave out details because for one, I have limited characters and if it's not absolutely imperative to the situation then it's not smart for me to waste characters including it. Two, I want specific answers on that situation. If I wanted a psychoanalysis, I would go see a professional lol not come to GAG to get an amateur perspective on my personality.

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    • Mmmk, whatever makes you feel justified in your persistent, minor e-drama

    • lol, so what you are implying is that you should be able to consciously come to a post that I created, where I will be getting notifications of activity, and vilify me yet I should stay silent otherwise it's "commenting for the sole purpose of disrespect"?

  • If QA doesn't include all the relevant facts, then he or she can't get their panties in a bunch, when the Answerers give the answer they think is best BASED ON ALL THE INCLUDED INFORMATION.

    If you don't include something relevant, then it's your own damn fault you got bad answers.

    And when those opinions might possibly suggest QA is at fault, it looks like you're backtracking or back peddling like mad when you chose THAT moment, to reveal some critical new information which you apparently neglected to mention before.

    • Nope, that seems like a response from someone who's not taking accountability for the fact that they may inappropriately be using one situation to miraculously write someone's life story lol
      Advising someone about one situation doesn't mean you must declare precisely who they are in the process. If someone is asking for advice about one situation, one occurrence on the timeline of their life, then it makes no sense for some arrogant Answerer to come by and try to psychoanalyze them and literately try to tell them who they are, as if they're a therapist.

What Girls Said 3

  • Because when some people post a question, what they really want is validation or compliments, not honest opinions.

    The trick is to know which user is usually looking for which.

    • Yes, this is true, but you can't be so quick to assume that a QA just wants validation or compliments. It's so arrogant for answerers to come around and give themselves far too much credit by overestimating the worth of their assumptions.

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    • Best answer lol

  • Because its the internet

    • You have a point. Perhaps without being able to look in someone's eyes, see the sincerity in their face, and actually hear the desperate tone in their voice: people can't seem to humble themselves and look outside of their own arrogant, know it all assumptions.

    • Yup, minimum user age has gone down from age 16 to age 13 when the new version launched!

    • That is disappointing no wonder some of the questions have gotten worse

  • Because 75% of the people on this site have little actual life experience and they tend to view everything as a black or white issue. To them there is no shade of gray ever. They have righteous certainty and when challenged they snap.

    • oh, wow this is so true. Definitely would have given MH a run for their money