For the record, I am no longer single; however, I know what it is like to be a single man. For that reason, I decided to write a Take on some reasons why men stay single for a long time. Before I continue this Take, let me make something clear. There are 2 types of men in this world:
-There are men that don't value relationships and just want sex and hookups.
-There are men out there that genuinely want a partner and a real relationship.
This Take is catering to men who want a real relationship and not a hookup. If you are looking for a hookup, this Take may help you a little bit, but I am speaking to men who want more than just a hook up.
Finally, I am creating this Take due to the amount of requests from my previous Take, The Real Reason Why Women Are Single
The Introverted/Shy Man:
Let me say this - THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH BEING AN INTROVERT. To be perfectly honest, I am introvert, and I don't really like being around people. However, if you want to meet women, you need to learn to conquer your introverted personality.
Women are passive creatures, and they expect men to do the approaching. For example, if you sit at a bar all night long, no matter how good you look, women won't approach you (unless you're famous or well known). They expect you to make the first move.
When it comes to shyness and introversion, you have to learn to turn it off and on. Did you know that famous people like Daniel Tosh (Tosh.0) has a social phobia and is very shy when he is not on camera?
In order to meet women, you need to learn how to step outside of your comfort zone. If you go to a party, for example, and you just sit down the entire night and expect women to approach, it's not going to happen. You need to take initiative and approach women yourself to get any results.
If you want to build confidence in this department, you should go out once a day and just approach and talk to random strangers. This will help you learn that it is okay to talk to random people and that not all interactions will be pleasant.
For example, if you approach 100 women in one day, maybe 95 of those women will show no interest in you, but 5 will. It's a numbers game, and the more women you talk to, the greater chance you have at meeting one that is your type.
This is precisely why I hate it when people say, "he's a player, because he talks to so many women". In all honesty, a man should be talking to a lot of women, up until he is IN A RELATIONSHIP. If you only talk to 2 women, chances are, at some point, both those women will flake on you. Talk to 10, 15, 20, 25 women at the same time and you will find that one "4 leaf clover" in the "field of clovers". Once you find that "clover," weed out the rest.
The Average/No Style Man
Not being stylish actually ins't a deal breaker. However, many men don't take pride in the way they present themselves and it makes them look average, unkempt and undateable. Looking average is never okay, because how do you expect to stand out? When it comes to meeting women, your personality can go a long way, but the way you look and dress will also help out tremendously.
A lot of men lack confidence these days. By dressing like a "winner" you will start to become a "winner" and you will gain more confidence in yourself. A man who feels like a million bucks will come off as confidence in the eyes of a woman.
When you are going out there to meet women, it is important that you dress like someone who is a success. I am not saying that you have to wear a suit to meet women, but when you go out, dress nice. Check out the examples below:
As I said, personality is important when meeting women, but having the look to backup your personality is very important. Before dates or before going out to meet women always make sure that you:
-You are well groomed
-Smell good (cologne)
Taking care of yourself doesn't have to be a chore and it doesn't have to be expensive. Just get some scented body wash and cologne at Wal-Mart, buy some nice, inexpensive styles at H&M, and shower and spruce up before you go out on a date or go out before you meet women. Doing these little things can go a long way.
The Lame Man
As a man, it's very important to be passionate about something. Having a passion drives us to get up each and every day and propels us to want to do better in life. However, a lot of men don't have a passion in today's generation, and that can equate to being boring and even being a "loser".
If you go on a date with a woman, and she asks you to tell her more about about, what are you going to say? If you saying something like this:
"Ummmm... I like to watch TV, sleep in on the weekends, play video games and relax."
You're going to have a very hard time finding a woman who appreciates you. Sure, you can talk to a woman about current TV shows and maybe video games, if she plays videos games, but you haven't introduced her to anything new.
Women like adventures, men who share their passions and introduce her to new experiences. If you don't have a passion, you need to find one. A lot of men out there play video games, and that's cool, but if you're sitting inside all day, what new experiences can you provide for a woman?
There's so many things out there in the world that you can find interests/passions in:
-You can travel around and see new places.
-You can take up cooking classes and learn how to whip up new and interesting dishes.
-You can be a music lover that loves concerts and someone who creates music as a hobby.
-You can get into health/fitness and take up gym classes and body building.
-You can learn about cars and have a passion for tuning them up/customization.
-You can be an avid reader and maybe dabble with writing your own material.
-You can be into wine taste and visit different wine tasting places around the area.
These are all things you can have hobbies in, become passionate about and areas where you can provide an adventure for the girl you're dating. It's good to have more than one interest, because it will make you seem all the more interesting to the woman you are meeting.
It's important to have some sort of interests. At all costs, avoid interests that involve sitting inside all day (watching TV or gaming). It's okay to be an avid TV watcher or a gamer, but have other interests to back it up.
Let me ask you, when describing your interests and passions to a woman, which sounds better?:
"I really enjoy watching TV, trying different soda, sleeping in when I can and playing video games online with my friends."
I'm a jack-of-all trades kind of man. I do everything and anything, and I'm very open to new experiences. I know quite a bit about cars, home improvement, I dabble in gardening, watch sports, love fashion, love to cook and come up with new dishes, learn how to fix things, you name it! I have a lot of knowledge on a wide variety of topics. I love to do salsa dancing, take yoga classes, boxing, and I go to the gym pretty often because fitness is important to me. On top of that, I'm very adventurous, and I love to do activities that are outdoors; whether it be boating, fishing, bowling, walking around the city at night or even skinny dipping at my apartment complex late at night.
As a man, there can be a wide variety of reason why you are single. However, for this Take, I choose some of the main issues I see when men try to get out on the dating circuit.
Honestly, dating is a numbers game. If you are SINGLE and you are only interacting with one woman, be prepared for heart break. You should always be talking to multiple women, just in case one flakes. Once you get into a relationship, you can then weed out the other women that didn't make the cut. However, it's up to you to take action, get out of your shell and talk to women.
Grooming and dressing well is also important. While your personality will carry you, if you look like an average Joe, you will most likely be overlooked. You don't have to be a "metro sexual" and get heavy into grooming, primping and fashion. All you need to do is put some thought into what you wear, smell good and keep your hair under control. If you look like a confident person, you will feel like one also.
Finally, it's important to have passions and interests. If you are the kind of man who sits on the couch all day, doesn't go out at all and you aren't working towards anything, what new experiences can you provide for a woman? Woman like men who seek adventure, men who like to go out and do new things, men who can introduce her to their world and open up about their interests. If you take pride in yourself and your hobbies, women will want to be around you, as they will deem you to be a man of high quality and a man of many interests.
So, what are you waiting for?
Let go of your Urkel and open up your inner Stefan:
And get out there and mingle: