All Hail "The Nice Guy"

All Hail "The Nice Guy"

Nice guys get a bad rep from delusional people who have it in their heads that all women want is some guy that's going to wreck their hearts and their lives. Oh please. Look around at every single women's magazine and on this site alone at how many complaints there are about these types of guys.

Women do want a nice guy. They want someone who is going to remember their birthday, and treat them with respect, and show up when they say they will, and not cheat on them. Typically this is the guy they marry because he is in fact, a nice guy who does all those things and ticks all those boxes, and I'd say the same is true for the person guys eventually marry.

I hate to hear that nice guys feel the need to turn into a-holes because they think that appeals to women. I think when you think you have to change everything about who you are for someone else, you're already starting off to a terrible start because how long can you keep that up before you truly become a real life a-hole which gets talked about like the trash they truly are.

Just as there are guys that go after the wrong girl, of course there are girls that go after guys who treat them like crap. Maybe they have a pattern of abuse in their lives or extremely low self-esteem. Some you can save, and some you can't for either guys or girls in terms of breaking this pattern, but don't let some convince you that all are like that or can't see that you aren't like "all the rest."

If you are a nice guy, remain so. You're looking for a quality girl among the riff raff who appreciates that about you because that is who you are. Don't change because some idiot doesn't realize she's got a good thing right in front of her because while you're wasting your time and efforts on someone clearly not worth it, there are still a lot of women who are out there looking for you and want you in their lives because they know dating a bad guy will only land them in a place where they are unhappy and hurting.


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Most Helpful Guy

  • No there's a big difference between a nice guy and a "nice guy". A nice guy is just a guy who's nice. He could be confident, assertive and a gentlemen. Of course, girls want all of this in a man. No girl wants a guy who treats her like shit. It's just it's usually the attractive guys who do tend to treat girls like shit because they've got inflated egos and they can. Girls will still want them.

    But as for the "nice guy", this is a cringe worthy guy who lacks confidence and pretends to be her 'friend' and buys her things in hopes she'll suddenly fall in love with him. Meanwhile she's probably not attracted to him and he's too pathetic to let go of her and thinks if he can be her 'friend', then she'll come round eventually. And he's not even being a genuine friend, he's only being her 'friend' because he wants to get with her. Probably buys her flowers during the day and then jerks off to pictures of her at night. "Nice guys" are usually creeps and that's why they get the bad rep.

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    • I bow down to your wisdom

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    • This is so true. They're also the ones who feel the need to remind you of how "nice" they are.
      Eventually it takes on the tone of a friend who loaned you money and now expects it back.
      It's so hard to tell who is actually being nice, and someone who is trying to use it as leverage to act like you owe them something, despite you never having agreed to it.

    • @SammyL Very true. I had a girl who asks for money all the time. One time, I felt bad because she doesn't drive, and said she needed uber for going to and from work. I don't drive too, and know how it is, so I gave her $60.

      She only kept the job for a week and to this day still asks for money. She is always doing those gofundme pages. And I told her ex about it, and he said she never even told him about it. I feel bad, but at the same time, I know better than to fall for her sob stories again.

Most Helpful Girl

  • I was dating this sweetheart of a guy I had an amazing connection with and thought that I'm so lucky I finally found a truly nice guy, when he suddenly changed. I have no idea what happened but I suspect he was feeling insecure and he had this idea in his head that girls only want "bad boys", so he started to act like such. Which totally turned me off and made me not want to interact with him anymore, so I backed away disappointed. In which point he quit the bad boy act and got heart broken about the fact that he had messed everything up so bad. I don't know if I want him anymore, I don't know which is the real him and if he'd go back to being the douche he was for a little while. I don't want some a-hole, I want a good, honest, gentle, empathetic guy I can truly trust.

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    • Then you're better off without him anyway since he decided to switch his personality back and forth. Find someone, who is more like his own self.

    • @Unit1 Yes, consistency is the key! I don't want someone that can't be their true self with me. Or that will start playing games when they have something on their mind, rather than just talk about it.

Join the discussion

What Guys Said 35

  • The main issue is that many good guys don't have the certain qualities that make these edgier men more sexually attractive. They don't have the same degree of social skills, charm, confidence, outgoingness, boldness, etc. that so many women fall for. It is that je ne sais quoi that causes women to fall all over the bad boys regardless of if they know the guy was bad news beforehand or after they get involved with them. The good guys know these cool guys, these popular men, have those certain qualities that make women swoon. It makes us feel like second rate, the proverbial fat kid picked last to play on the ball court. It makes us feel as if she is only with us because she is settling for the "right" option although it isn't the option she wishes was "right".

    It makes us good guys look back to the days of our grandparents when values and character were attractive traits before the rebellious nature and edginess were considered attractive qualities.

    Now-a-days it seems like good values and character, while sought after for the long term, don't have the same effect on a woman's sexual desire. Good men know this and resent it. That is why so many good men turn into assholes. Trust me, many hate having to go against their morals and principles to attract women, especially honesty. Think about it. When a man wants to seduce or sexually attract a woman, what does he have to do? He has to sell himself! Salesmen are notorious for being able to bend the truth or even outright bullshit their way into a sale. I believe many good guys lack the ability to bullshit, nor do they want to. They want to be themselves, but see that the assholes can bullshit their way to what they want.

    This becomes even more painful when good guys go years, even decades without so much as a woman showing interest or having put up with rejection after rejection when the assholes bullshit their way into relationship after relationship, fling after fling.

    This is why so many good guys also hate when women put so much stock in confidence. A con-man is confident. He knows he can hook you, buy what he is selling, and make you believe in it. Confidence is nice to have, but only if what he is selling is actually worth buying.

    Yet women get swindled time and time again. Thankfully not all women do, but I feel that many still buy into this notion that men need to allure them, be prince charming, and sweep them off their feet.

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    • But here us good guys are, standing here unassuming. We would treat you like gold and not be the doormats you think we'd be just because we care. We might not be a challenge, but we don't believe in drama, we believe in authenticity. We might not tell you everything you want to hear, charm your pants off, but we have our own uniqueness that could be appreciated if you'd take the time. I think we good guys are worth taking the time, just as I am assuming you want from your guy.

      Nice, or good guys, we may have grown up with the philosophy of “Love all, trust a few, do wrong to none.” Some of us may come off gentle or meek, but do not mistake that for weakness. We are strong because we believe in the goodness of mankind. We are strong because we want to do right by the wonderful woman he deserves.

    • I think you've perfectly described most "Nice Guys". As a "NG" myself, I have always felt like emphasizing my "Nice" would win me more points - but in the end it gets taken for granted - and ultimately expected just to stay in the "Friend Zone".
      I attribute my situation almost entirely to the lack of confidence you describe.

  • I generally agree with your take on this. Unfortunately, there is a percentage of women who don't appreciate nice guys and go for bad boys. I don't think they're representative of most women though.

    However, there is a different category that isn't addressed here: the pretender. That's someone who is really good at convincing others (esp. women) that he's a genuinely nice guy, when in reality, he's a sociopath and a deceiver. People like that do exist, and I advise my brothers and sisters to be careful out there. Evil is real.

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    • Omg yes the pretender. Often a narcissist too. I've dealt with one of those before.

      Then there is the mentally unstable guy. Bipolar, schizophrenic, BPD... He may actually be a nice person overall but my gosh he has too many issues.

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    • @somewheresomeway And lots of guys (including some of my friends) I've known don't know a real asshole from an um... elbow. Yeah. Elbow. Or I find it's just something they often say when they get jealous. "Oh you'd rather talk to him? Well you know what... he looks like an asshole!" "Dude that's my brother." No I'm kidding I don't have a brother. But very few guys I've known will actually be totally upfront about their opinion without using it as ploy. Often my gay friends are like that.

      But on the flip side I've known guys that seemed sweet then turned out to be messed up and my guy friends were like "But he's so nice!" So they don't exactly see it themselves.

    • It's really funny when some random guy that was trying to hit on me comes up to me after I was talking to a friend and the random guy is like "I would be careful. That guy you were talking with doesn't look very nice.." and I'm like "Dude I've known him for 10 years".

      Sooo funny.

  • I agree.

    "Don't change because some idiot doesn't realize she's got a good thing right in front of her because while you're wasting your time and efforts on someone clearly not worth it, there are still a lot of women who are out there looking for you and want you in their lives"

    So much yes!!!
    Yes, yes, yes!
    We often see how some girls claim to want a nice guy but don't actually know how to find one or even worse if they find one, then some of them are so quick to judge him as a player or someone, who just wants to get into their pants and dash. Well, it's their loss anyway. They will have it coming.
    Because it's mostly in their power to decide. The change begins with 'YOU'.

    Meanwhile this mytake is giving hope 😀👩 i like the idea, that in dating people are replaceable - if someone doesn't like you then you'll just find someone, who will.

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  • The "nice" guys who try to turn into assholes to get girls, a) aren't nice guys and b) don't get girls by being assholes either.

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  • That's all well and good. But in reality, from years of careful observation, it seems that the majority of women cheat on the good men but fall in love with the bad men. I've known so many cases where a woman has been with a good man who was faithful, respectful, provided for her and her children, but she eventually leaves him and runs off with some douche bag. I've never known bad boys or criminals have a hard time getting women. They seem to be able to get pussy very easy. In reality women in general do tend to fall madly in love with the bad men rather than the nice men.

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  • The truth of this concept is basically not so much being a “nice” person vs. being a “dick” but rather the type of behaviors each engage it and what attracts more women more regularly.
    The “dick” stereotype probably, in reality means the guy is confident and assertive and has no problem approaching a woman and initiating conversation. He’s probably playful and good at flirting. He naturally emits that vibe that he is interested in a woman and she feels it and is flattered and is interested. He is assertive at moving from the flirting, playful banter phase to going on dates. He doesn’t put the woman on a pedestal…. but in a good way. He can be nice and kind and complimentary of her but he doesn’t overly shower her with compliments all the time to the point that it becomes sickening and he stands up for himself and isn’t afraid to call the woman if she is out of line or is disrespectful.
    The bad rap “nice” guys probably get is that they don’t flirt and have naturally playful banter with the ladies and are too scared to immediately give off the vibe that he is interested in a woman. Most women respond to confidence and assertive guys (who assert themselves nicely, in a friendly, fun, playful way). They are probably too fearful to take the chance and just put themselves in the friend zone by hanging out with women, chit chatting about mundane things, being “nice” but never initiating things and kind of become one of the “girls”.
    I think it has more to do with stereotypes of what “nice” and “bad” mean.
    I think women want “nice” guys but they go for the assertive, confident guys that approach them and initiate fun, playful conversations and initiate opportunities to spend time together rather than guys that are “nice” but never act boldly or spend a month hanging around a woman he knows but taking forever to work up the courage to ask her out.

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  • See all of this is good in theory, but in practice it's not what happens at all.

    What tends to happen is that womens ovaries tingle when they see the bad guy being dominant and confident. And when they see the more reserved nice guys the feel no attraction what so ever.

    Women are the gender of the species which has the ability to be sexually selective, so your behaviour ultimately drives male behaviour. If you fuck the bad boys then men are going to act this way in order to get laid.

    It's the women who need to change, men will follow. You want a nice large pool of nice guys to select from then stop rewarding bad guys with sex.

    Also stop thinking you can sleep with loads of bad guys when you're young then settle down with a nice guy when you're all used up, good men look for good women and if you want to attract a good man you need hold up your end of the bargain.

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  • No one is changing me, I'm staying a nice guy, couldn't live with myself if I was a butthole tool bag, I don't finish last, I wait for the jerks and morons to tire out first then go in and sweep for the win lol

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    • eww, don't do that. Maybe you just aren't angry person so you don't have that edge. Bad asses are angry

    • @Jayson101 lol I have my angry moments, but I've had to learn to control it, by choice partly and partly by law, court ordered 3 years of anger management, arrested 3 times, aggravated assault with a deadly weapon, aggravated assault, aggravated assault with a weapon. Bull crap charges, was defending myself each time, first time someone came at me with a weapon after i heat them for attacking me, so I threatened them with a knife if they didn't back off and I was arrested. Second time they hit me and I hit them back, they called the cops, I was arrested because I had been arrested before. Third time defended myself, slammed his head into a picture on the wall, I called the cops and they arrested me because I had a record and they claimed I hit him with a microphone.

      Didn't even have a microphone, I was 13 1/2 and the one who attacked me was 18, he received no charges, the second time I was 13, first time I was 8 or so, each time defending myself against someone much older then me.

  • Nice guy/bad boy.. two poles with a bit of ground in the middle.

    Women want the confidence and assertiveness of the asshole with the thoughtfulness of the nice guy. If they are forced to choose one of the extremes, they are usually going to pick the more masculine of the two.. guess which one that is?

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  • I feel like the "nice guy" thing is a bunch of guys who think they are amazing because they treat women with basic decency. But when that doesn't result in them getting laid, they decide women must only like assholes.

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    • Side notes:
      -Treating people with respect doesn't mean you deserve sex
      -If you are only nice to someone so they will sleep with you, you aren't a "nice guy"

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    • True. We should all have common courtesy and be decent human beings to each other. Like earlier today I went out of my way a bit to open a door for an elderly lady. Did I want to bang her? No.

    • @Nyx_85 Exactly! Like people can and should be nice just because, without expecting something in return.

  • By the time girls realize that they want a nice guy, he doesn't want her anymore.
    I like the following article:
    mylifebygogogoff.com/.../...-women-understood.html

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  • I think most people confuse the therms "confident" with asshole and "nice guy" with "unconfident".
    They are not the same thing. You can be a decent human being without being unconfident. And guess what? Most of those appointed as "nice guys" with a derisive tone are not nice at all, just manipulative douchebags who thinks their manners should be prized.

    You should be gentle and caring with everyone, not just with women (if you are a man) or just with men (if you are a woman).

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  • You fail to understand that a nice guy is not equivalent to a beta guy.

    They want a guy who is powerful and nice. Sometimes the powerful guys are jerks, and it is really hard to become powerful without being a jerk sometimes, or at least have a big ego that comes across that way.

    Sometimes they miss and go for a guy that seems to be powerful, but he is not, and is bad.

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  • I think there's a misunderstanding as to what people think when they say "nice guy". Guys tend to take is an excuse to simply be that, but have no other real, redeeming quality going for them. Simply having some human decency doesn't cut it. These "nice guys" tend to be boring, and are only really just gentle towards women (which can easily be percieved as "weak", an unnattractive quality for men). Doesn't help women tend to call a guy "nice" as the most basic compliment or way of describing.

    I don't think you're wrong, however- I mean, you're a woman, you'll know better than me, a guy, "mansplaining". That said, I think the perfect nice guy is Stefan Salvatore (Vampire Diaries). He's a role model to me, because he really captures that side while being very mysterious, masculine and just really really chill (women love him too).

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  • There's a difference between a Nice guy and a "nice guy". The "Nice guy" acts nice, He'll put his jacket on a puddle so she doesn't get her feet wet and expect sex in return... He'll also let her walk all over him without saying anything. Whereas the nice guy will tease her and be a bit of a dick in a fun way but if she needs him he'll be there. He'll also not shy away from telling her she's out of line when she is.

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  • I like your take. It's very simple and optimistic. However, I do think there are legitimate arguments to be made for why women should avoid nice guys. And I'm not saying that to be mean. I'm probably what most people would consider a nice guy too, so it's not like I'm hating on anyone, I get it. Still, nice guys just lack passion, and you can't have love with no passion.

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    • I disagree. My type is reserved men, always has been.
      I've found that sometimes, once you get past the shyness and they grow comfortable with you, there is a very passionate man who has been hiding his desires until the right moment.
      And goddamn, when they let loose, it can be intense. It's also special because you know they aren't this passionate about any girl who happens along, either.

  • Most people see this "nice" guy as someone who is deliberately nice to women expecting to get something out of it and become bitter about women if sex isn't the reward...

    The difference between the nice guy and the bad guy is... The bad guy is honest, bold and goes for what he wants.

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  • I have the term "Nice Guy" associated with the fedora wearing type who's secretly only in it for the hope of sex. Which usually never happens so he turns angry and maybe violent.

    I like being called a "kind man". I'll remember her birthday at least 80% of the time. I'll treat her with respect when I'm not holding her down to have my way with her. I'll show up when I say I will - just not necessarily when she says I will. And I'll only tell her to STFU when she deserves it.

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  • Don't listen to this guys.
    Women DO NOT want nice guys. They will eat you alive. Some women are very confused people. They tend to see genuinely 'nice men' (sacraments) as not existing at all. Some women can be relentlessly cruel to passive and agreeable men, yet very docile to aggressive and arrogant men.

    The reason for the etiquette of the past was to patronize women to compensate for a power gap. It was a form of being condescending and asserting dominance, and still is. A lot of women like it cause they want to feel like they deserve a more powerful man than the others.

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    • Maybe they want to feel desired by more powerful men than others, but if he's an arrogant turd, I can't imagine anyone wanting someone like that around in their life for very long.

  • Great "mytake" congratulations but unfortunately i still believe most of girls prefer bad guys in my country:( I hope i am wrong.

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    • by the way can you send me a pm, i want to talk about this topic a little bit (although most probably you won't do this but i offered)

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What Girls Said 12

  • Thank you! I hate stereotypes and how everyone says all women want this or all men want this. PEOPLE ARE INDIVIDUALS.

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  • Alright, I'm gonna make a big generalization here (and I don't agree with this), but this is the order of priorities from my observations:

    Nice guy who is confident AND attractive > Asshole who is confident AND attractive > Nice guy who is confident OR attractive > Asshole who is confident OR attractive > Nice guy > Asshole

    Takeaway: confidence and attractiveness trump "niceness."

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    • Lol, I don't know why every time your remarks intrigue me enough to respond. Anyways, I find it odd to hear you say that an "asshole who is confident and attractive" would be so high on your list of potential dates or sex candidates. Guys are more visual than girls, and I don't know any of my friends (we are all fairly attractive imo), that would date some really bitchy girl. Although, we may bang her, lmfao.

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    • Oh... you are talking more about hookups from the sounds of it. Okay, that makes more sense to me. Yea, I would most likely hook up with anyone who's hot sooooo yea :)

    • Yeah, hookups or flings.

  • I have always gone for the good guy. He's polite, well mannered and respects women. That's attractive.

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  • I love nice men, but you have to be careful cause a lot them are just fuckboys in disguise and think being nice will score them women.

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  • Nice is good start for any relationship. I agree.

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  • I think one major reason why it seems girls choose ass holes over nice guys is that some nice guys lack confidence, or at least look as though they lack confidence, whereas ass hole guys are usually more confident. Confidence is attractive - girls don't want to be with a guy who is a pussy. I've dated nice guys and I've dated ass holes, and looking back I now see why I chose to go out with them. The perfect combination is a nice guy who is confident in himself

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  • Actually its a matter of choice

    Because we accept the love we deserve

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  • Nice guys are only attractive if their faces are attractive.

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  • Totally agree.

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  • 7d

    we dont want the nice guys. we want the good guys.

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  • who's the guy in the first picture? lol

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  • good take

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