I Don't Want To Be a Dude

Anonymous

Obviously I cannot be a dude but everyone at some point in their lives has pondered what it would be like to be the opposite gender. It's hard being a woman, and I won't discount what a lot of us go through as being less hard, but rather just different. There are however large parts of those differences and not having ways to more easily handle them if I were to be a man, that would make me not want to go down that road if it were even possible because...

1. There is A LOT of pressure on men

I Don't Want To Be a Dude

When it comes to things like staying virginal, marriage, children, and being a mother, there is a lot of pressure on women which has it's own set of difficulties, but there is also this intense pressure on men that I don't think is talked about enough. I remember when my brother proposed to his now wife, one of the first things my parents said to him, was make sure before you get married that you can provide for both of you like it was 1950 and she didn't have a high paying job of her own (which she actually does). If a guy 'messes up' in life and has to move back home, it's looked at like he's some huge failure. If he can't provide or be a provider or be a success on his own, it's almost as if he falls off the radar of life including in the dating world.

2. The apparent inability to show emotion

Ironically, I know guys will say...well that's not what we do...and have at it, but let a woman walk into a room with her friends and family and announce she's pregnant or engaged or she got the job...the joy, the hugs, the emotion that flows in the room is palpable. I like being able to express that feeling and the feelings I have when I am sad. I can go to my best girlfriend when life has kicked me to the absolute lowest rung and cry on her shoulder and she's not weirded out or she doesn't suggest I play video games to cover up the fact that something real is happening. I've talked to so many guys who have never seen a father or a sibling, or they themselves have never cried or every time they've tried to express something, society sort of dictates they button up, stuff it down, and get it together, and be a f--king man! This type of bottling up is what kills some men because they have no outlet so they go to drink, drugs, or suicide as a way to cope.

3. Be a man

I Don't Want To Be a Dude

That phrase is tossed at men so frequently. Can't do 100 push-ups, be a man and get it done. Just got a finger sliced off by a saw, suck it up. When someone dies, "a real man" stays strong for everyone. Everything is about being a man. There is also a lot of hatred lobbed at gay men by some people who view them as not real men because they are gay. There are so many stupid arbitrary things that seem to define what exactly a man is to not just other men, but to women as well. Guys are already guys...lifting heavier weight, being gay, or not showing any emotion is not going to make guys any less guys. As a woman, I don't think I've ever in my life been seriously told to woman up, or be a woman, or had someone suggest to me that by not doing this or that, that I was any less of a woman.

4. Clothing parameters

I don't think as a woman, I've ever picked up a shirt and thought this color is too manly, I just can't wear it, or thought, hmm, someone might think I'm gay if I wear this, or knew for sure what would happen if I put on a pair of pants and went to my high school like that. There are simply these arbitrary societal restrictions on what a "real man" can wear that don't really exist with women, at least not anymore. It's one of the true pleasures of being a woman is having so much choice in clothing, shoes, hair, everything.

5. Creeper factor

I Don't Want To Be a Dude

"An unaccompanied man sits alone on a bench in front of a pool filled with children vs. an unaccompanied woman sits alone on a bench in front of a pool filled with children." What are you assuming hearing those scenarios. Without knowing that the person on the bench doesn't have any children in the pool, you may automatically assume the woman does or that she is just relaxing in the afternoon and perhaps this was the only bench available. Your first thought probably wasn't, oh that lady is probably a creeper or a pedo. We as a society tend to assume the worst sometimes, of all men. Even if a man sits and does the same thing as a female counterpart, it can be viewed as creepy when he does it simply because he is a man. And assumptions about who and what you are, only get worse the darker your skin. If you've got black or brown skin, simply standing on a corner with friends or walking down the street behind someone minding your business can lead people to assume you're up to no good.

6. Rejection

I may not be approached at a club or a bar, and I may feel a little sad about it, but next weekend, I'm back in the game not really thinking about it too much. I approach or am approached and usually the experience is a pleasant one or I have more of an ability to do the choosing, and subsequent rejection. As a man, if you are really keen on ending up with someone, you may have to make approach after approach and try flirtations with several women before, if you're lucky, one or more says yes to hanging out/dancing/sex/whatever. That could be 2, 5, 10 rejections all in a few hours. Then after all that rejection, if you are not lucky, people tell you stuff like keep your chin up, fish in the sea, you're a special spirit that someone will love. You then have to take all that rejection and pretend it didn't happen, or that it doesn't hurt you or your ego. More suppression of feeling because apparently guys aren't supposed to mope or get their feelings hurt, but that sucks, I can only assume, a lot.

7. Your life seems to be less valuable

I Don't Want To Be a Dude

If people were asked to rank who would they save in what order in a fire where there was a woman, a child, a dog, and a man, 99% of people would be lying if they said they'd think to save the man first unless he could be used to help save all the rest. If a man dies saving all the women and children, he is a hero...if he saves himself, he is a total coward and should be ashamed of himself for daring to think of himself or even his own family before anyone elses. People get all pissy when you mention privileges in life because people like to stupidly believe that who they are doesn't give them anything, but people need to get a grip on reality, because being a woman, THIS IS a privilege that has been afforded to us simply by virtue of being a woman.

8. The lack of overall support

Men are expected to figure it all out. They are seen by many as weak for ever needing help, or assistance, or therapy, or money, you name it, the list goes on. When I ask for help or need help, a) there are a lot more people willing to give it to me as a woman, and yes, I'm sure that has something to do with us being viewed already as the weaker sex to begin with, but nonetheless more people want to help me b)my femininity isn't questioned if I can't say change the oil in my car or figure out the tax code.

9. You can't be incompetent in the bedroom

You have to know what you're doing even before you've ever had sex. Somehow you are just supposed to know and be able to take control. If what's between your legs is small, you're not "a real man," if anything...and I do mean anything goes wrong on the bedroom, it tends to be viewed as your fault and if you happen to be dating one of those cold nasty heartless women who tells everyone about what you two did or didn't do, she can put your manhood on trial for all to see and hear and judge even in physically there was or is nothing you could do about what did/n't happen in the bedroom.

10. You have to be strong

I Don't Want To Be a Dude

What is a man? He has to be strong. He has to be able to defend and fight and stand up to people all on his own no matter how much bigger or stronger the attacker is and if you can't, everyone will let you know how much of a man you aren't. Again with the pressure, and the expectations and parameters of what a man is supposed to be all the time. I'm not expected to defend myself against some 7ft amazon woman or to fight of 3 people on my own. If I actually said that to someone, they would have sympathy for me, rather than condemnation that I couldn't do it.

I Don't Want To Be a Dude
52 Opinion