Women Are Taught to Fear Men

Women Are Taught to Fear Men

I remember growing up in what I consider the last of the golden ages of childhood where a parent could literally put their kid out on the stoop and tell them "go play," and not worry about their safety for the most part, until they asked you to be in by dark. It was glorious. My brother and I would just roam our neighborhood with our neighbors kids. And there were only three rules we had to follow: 1) be in by dark 2)for me, stay with my brother, and my brother, watch your sister, and 3)stay within the 15 block radius of our house. That was it. Off we went. And nothing eventful ever happened.

Things changed dramatically though when I hit both puberty and went to middle school. Suddenly there were dire warnings directed at me specifically about my safety, and men lurking and wanting to hurt me. I remember one specific time where my mom had this super awkward conversation with me inquiring as to whether my male math tutor had looked at me or touched me in a way that I thought was wrong. He was a super nice guy and he hadn't, so I was totally lost as to where it was coming from back then, but now from her perspective, I know she just didn't want to find out like years later, she'd been sending me off to study with a pedophile.

Women Are Taught to Fear Men

Still, from that age on, it seemed like all men were out to get me according to my parents and society at large. Any time I wanted to go out after dark, it had to be with a group of friends or my brother. I could NEVER walk alone anywhere, not even in the day time despite living in a really quiet safe tree lined street little neighborhood. Men were the devil, all of them, they made it seem. If a strange one even said hi, I basically was told to break into a sprint in case he was out to potentially harm me.

In college things just got worse on that front, because now, there was no parental or adult supervision to intervene if any of the guys wanted to potentially cause me harm. My parents gave me mace, and numbers to call, and pointed out the nearest police stations. There were endless lectures about not being out at night or making sure if I went to any party, that I had at least 2 trusted friends to watch out for me, and I needed to call them at regular intervals during the week so they knew I was okay...none of which, by the way, was told to my brother who attended a neighboring college.

Women Are Taught to Fear Men

Do men think it's fair that society makes it seem like all you do is want to potentially harm women or should women live in this state of perpetual fear that harm will come to them, so as to remain vigilant all the time against would be attackers for their own safety?

It's not coming from no where unfortunately. In the the U.S. Department of Justice sponsored National Crime Victimization Study, statistically speaking, 75.6 percent of all offenders of violent crimes were male and only 20.1 percent were female. In the remaining cases, the victim wasn't able to identify the gender of the offender. The thing is, there just isn't a way to know specifically who is a good or bad guy if they are a stranger to you, but it often feels like you just can't relax and just like take a walk down the street at night without thinking every car that slows down, or every guy you see walking in your direction is going to try to cause you some sort of harm thanks to stats, parents, and society at large.

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Most Helpful Guy

  • this is a bit mixed up as I went to add ideas without editing.

    parents generally worry about their daughters more than their sons, even though likely their sons are likely to get into more trouble than their daughters.

    Even at home my parents leave the lights on for my sister when she's out, for me, never. they do things for her, let her put the car in the garage in the winter so she won't have to worry about a frozen windshield or snow, me, never.

    of course that's not what this post is about. but I believe that is why girls like to have somebody around, to help them feel secure and all that. what needs to happen is that there need to be more police present in areas where crime is high, and I also believe that there need to be police officers walking on streets rather than getting fat in their cars. and police need to take a more friendly stance, talk to people, smile, be friendly. but they won't at this point.

    It doesn't really seem to be that way in Canada, I think that Us citizens fear a whole lot of things, but I would too if people are allowed to own guns and carry them, where the health care system is basically a business rather than helping people.

    So people turn to doing bad things because they can't afford a decent lifestyle.

    Other than that, it is societies fault. I blame society for a lot of the bad things that happen, but if things were better and society had a more liberal stance, things would go better for more people and the chances for a successful normal life would be higher, and there would be better education, better ways to determine if somebody needs help maybe they need help from specialists or doctors, need to keep something monitored so that they don't do terrible things.

    I don't know, but I think that women need to keep good company, and just try to stay away from dangerous area, stay away from stupid people.

    I'm not sure if women are taught to fear men, but I would run away from a guy that is shown in that first picture.


Most Helpful Girl

  • i grew up in a town where crime was very common. not murder but a lot of shop lifting, assault and muggings. my parents wouldn't even trust me to go out into town even during complete daylight. a girl that went to my school was grabbed by a man in an alley but luckily she escaped. i'm really not bullshitting any of this. my brother and other guys in my school had to carry around pocket knives just in case. there were a lot of high school dropouts and gangs. even my brother was overprotective of me. my parents made sure that my boyfriend walked with me everywhere. my boyfriend was kinda tough and knew what the gangs were like. my hometown reminds me of the song "pumped up kicks" for some reason. everyone was scared.

    there was a time where i was grabbed by a man. he was tall, slim and had devilish features. he grabbed me by the arm and pushed me against the wall. this is what happened when i went against my parents wishes, and walked home in the night. i should've known better. before the man could do anything i defended myself, kicked him in the balls and ran away.

    i have had a horrible experience and i was brought up to fear men. i know that not all guys are like this, but i'm really cautious especially after my experience.


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What Guys Said 49

  • I have a theory that kind of coincides with the idea that bullies pick on those who are easy targets, and select those who show fear. Perhaps because women are taught to fear men, some men who are bullies, who seek to control those who are weaker than them, smell the fear of certain women and it actually arouses them to continue to push boundaries and even commit violent acts of assault and rape against them. This, of course, goes along with the idea that rape isn't about sexual pleasure but about controlling others, it is a form of coercion and dominance that is reminiscent of the mindset of a bully. When a woman cowers to this type of man, perhaps it is like blood in the water. We aren't talking about cowering in the face of danger, because at that point, what is a woman supposed to do? Men, after all, are the stronger sex. No, what I am speaking of is the predisposition of women as a whole to be fearful of the potential of all men to be this sort of natural threat. At that point, men become predators and women prey and it sets up a power dynamic in which bullies thrive.

    Because we have to go back and wonder, what really changed between the generations of our past and the newer generations. Before, it was known that some men were a danger, but not all. Now, all men are seen as a /potential/ danger, and this is what sets the stage for men to then fill that assumed role. It is like telling a child he or she is stupid long enough and they start to believe it. It is called "conditioning". Society is essentially conditioning men into becoming the predators we are so afraid of, partially due to the fear itself, but also because of the story we tell about men.

    Another part of it is that there is less and less healthy parenting, especially fathering. It takes a man to raise a boy to be a man. More and more single mothers are trying to raise boys to be men, and they are taught to see women in a certain way that is not healthy. Think about how many men are actually teachers, I would guess maybe 1 in 10. Men are surrounded by women, shamed for their own masculinity,
    and put women on pedestals. They aren't properly socialized to respect women in the way a woman should be. Layer that with more men retreated behind screens, tuning out from society, education, and higher careers, and we have a recipe for men who have little to no social calibration but still yearn for authentic connection and love. Then when these men lash out in anger, we wonder, why?

  • You missed a few statistics at the US DOJ and the FBI crime statistics. Like the one that say men are more likely to be victims of ALL form of violent crime save one, rape. Other than that, men are more likely to be murdered, robbed, or assaulted. So yes, society is batshit fucking retarded for making women think men are out to get them when in reality, men are the ones more likely to get hurt.

    • I would rather be robbed or assaulted than being raped. Concerning murder, yes it's highly likely for a man to be murdered, but it's highly likely for a women to be killed by someone they know.

    • As I pointed out to someone else, that just makes the case that both men and women should fear men, not that either sex should fear men any less. It's also crime specific. Parents fear their daughters will be kidnapped or raped, something men are far more likely to do to women above that of men. And even in muggings, female victims were more likely to be attacked during the muggings, then their male counterparts.

      Don't get me wrong. I do not believe all men are horrible rapists and muggers and murderers out roaming the streets like packs of wild dogs, but blindly trusting strangers will not cause you harm isn't exactly the wisest move, and that doesn't just apply to would be criminals, but life in general. People have to show you who they are and unfortunately that can't really be done well in the middle of the night walking alone on the street with someone potentially following you.

    • Where do you get the idea that women are "more likely to be attacked" during a mugging than a man? A mugging IS an attack, and men are more likely to be mugged so that statement is asinine. Men are far more likely to be the victims of violent crime than women, and the violent crime women are likely to be victim to, sexual assault and rape, is most often perpetrated by someone KNOWN to the victim. So your entire premise that "women should fear strangers" is also asinine. It does not fit the facts. What women should do is stop kidding themselves. Fear is only useful as a tool if you can back that fear up with teeth, but just trying to keep everyone at arm's length is stupid. If you meet someone bigger and stronger than you who intends to make you their victim, no amount of caution is going to save you. What women need to do is take their safety and security into their own hands. You are the first and last line defense of your own person. Act like it.

  • Great writing. Caught my interest. It does seem like these days American girls are being taught this way. And that gives a very negative impression early on. Simple standards about what behavior is considered normal and what is not makes sense to teach. But setting the stage that all men are to be afraid of is plain wrong. Sure there are crooks (male and female) here and there, but there is no need to always have "Fear" in your head. It's psychologically unhealthy too. Carrying mace or pepper spray is okay if you don't know martial arts is okay I guess. Still a bit extreme in my opinion. People walk in front and behind others all the time. It should not be an automatic sign of danger. I feel very safe but maybe that's because I'm a man and know martial arts. I stay out late on empty streets and in the subway every once in a while. Never thought twice about how some dude might approach and attack me. A woman with a kid = sweet mother. A man with a kid = call police, he might be a pedophile. Society in America is messed up. And feminism is adding extra fuel to the mess-up.

  • Today is generally safer than it has ever been.

    What has changed is the availability of information. Individual incidents are now broadcast through various media, making it seem like things are worse. But only the reporting is worse.

  • Statistically most non domestic violence is commited by men, that is true. Its also true that over 70% of the victims where also male and the more violent the crime the more likely the victim was male. So statistically women have less to fear then any one, men need to be afraid both from other men outside, but also, based upon the CDC/NCVS data from women at home (70% of all nonreciprocal violence between domestic partners is perpetrated by women against men. Other studies have shown that women are also more likely to be emotionally abusive and manipulative comparative to men by a significant margin). Also if you look women are as likely (if not more likely) to commit pedophilia as if you look the majority of teachers who have had sexual relationships with underage students have primarily been women (who get minimal punishment for doing so. In one case a 30 year old texas teacher raped her 10 year old student multiple times, the only punishment she got was that she had to teach with the classroom door open and she had to have another person present when she did a one on one with a student. The boy had to transfer schools for obvious reasons. Also according to data, 93% of all rapes that occurred in juvenile detention centers where by women against the male detainees.). Also according to DOJ statistics a womans likelhood of being raped is about 1% a year, that's about as low as it can be (and that also happens to be the likelihood of a man being raped by a woman which when it occurs is completely ignored). So no, women have nothing to fear from men at all and in fact are far more likely to have a man help her then harm her, statistically speaking. But your quote was quite interesting when you asked if men think its fair, the answer is no, no its not. Through out all of history men have protected women with their lives, quite literally, and while you can get articles after article of how men either risked their lives or actively died protecting women, both ones they knew and didn't, all of that gets ignored by women and by society. Isn't that a bit strange? That our entire existence revolved around protecting and providing for women and now we are being portrayed as the enemy even though all data shows that women have less to fear from men then men have to fear from women. Its quite unfair and I wished women would stop seeing us as pure evil all the time and themselves as innocent victims and start acknowledging that men and women are both human beings.

    • The reason men experience more violence is precisely because women fear violence so much that they're taught to avoid situations in which they may be harmed.

      "the majority of teachers who have had sexual relationships with underage students have primarily been women" that's because most elementary teachers in general are women.

    • @mistixs No. and no. It is true their are more female teachers, but that's because women have pushed men out of education. As for why women do this more its because their is no consequence to it. Hell one teacher who raped her 14 year old student stated how she felt like she was the victim not her actual victim. We have the hermsmann vs seyer court ruling where a 12 year old boy was raped by his babysitter then forced to pay child support to her. This is why we see that, because women can do what ever they want with little consequence, hence women rarely being sententced and when they are they get only a third of the sentencing that a man would for the same crime. I understand that you are convinced that women are perfect holy creatures that can never ever do wrong, but the reality is you shit like every one else, you bleed like every one else, and you can and are as manipulative and shitty as men are. Sorry to be the barer of bad news.

  • If I walk behind a girl I'm looked at as though I'm doing only to check her out and follow her ,
    if I look at kids then I must be a pedophile,
    if I smile at a girl or kid I'm looked at as though I'm about to kidnap them.

    It's strange but understandable.

    However the thing I have noticed is that in Russia (I'm Russian) it's quite normal for guys to interact with kids, walk up to girls. And the occasional time a guy is doing something strange he'll be confronted.

    Just yesterday I watched a vlog by the beach and they saw an older guy (40-50) discretely jerking off looking at kids, this was in Ukraine though Russia - Ukraine are pretty similar. One of the Youtubers saw and started yelling at him, then punched him a dozen times.

    The guy quickly walked away, but wait, 2 random guys walk up to the Youtuber and ask what's up, he tells them that the dude was jerking off looking at kids. The three of them then ran after the guy and in the middle of the park beat him up, and when people asked and found out why they just carried on with their afternoon walk.

  • I have had a Woman that i was walking behind stop and turn around to confront me. It was pretty awkward. I get the feeling that she was scared. I can't imagine what it would feel like to be afraid that someone was going to attack you from behind. I felt really bad for her and tried to give a friendly smile.

  • Yep, this is the same in my home country. Men are perverts, rapists, etc. Truth is, most of us aren't. But it does raise the question for whether it's better to reduce rape with exaggerated claims that hurt the other gender, or to be fair and honest about it but risk women being less careful on the streets. I personally find it degrading that they're calling people of my gender basically animals that can't control their lust.

  • I agree that society is being more anti-male in a sense.. As much of the focus as on the wrong that males have done, and do.. It's understandable to have caution, and be aware of yo surroundins, but don't make us out to be the devil cause then you gon raise up males that'll take it some sort of way, and then have results that you don't like..

  • We all fear more men than women, it's just a natural thing. I've never learned to fear them because I got told to be careful, I learned because I got mugged with a gun while I had a job at a butcher shop when I was 11 or so. World's raw now.

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What Girls Said 16

  • I mean, it's 2018 and men ARE biologically stronger than us. On some level we do need to fear men. If anything, I don't enough women are scared of men because they keep hitting them and doing annoying shit thinking a man won't smack their ass or something.

    On some level, women should fear men and vice versa.

  • Well I had been warned just like you were going into my teen. I never listened as I thought my mother was paranoid. I've been raped at least twice by strange men, one followed me the other was asked to give me a ride by a friend. I've had bfs who raped me when I say no, men assaulted me, I still get weirdos breathing down my neck in weird places where I'd expect them to know people can see them.

    When I move to a new neighborhood, all of a sudden men need something by my gate. Two years ago I fought a man who attempted to abduct me, I was twenty eight when this last happened, surely this nonsense has to come to an end. I am an attractive woman, I do not wear skimpy clothes, I don't wear makeup and wear a lot of jeans pants. Believe me daring there's a reason you are warned about men.

    Men are sexually frustrated, as they create the women that cannot please them, they never admit wrong so they turn their frustrations to other women, These men who are raping go home to someone he calls modest and better than you who they keep hurting.

    I've also been sabotaged by men my whole career because they don't want anyone like myself gaining power and independence. A man is not far from a beast, he's a predator, he cares about himself when he needs to feed.

    • Well, damn you let yo bad experience with those guys help you define men huh? Nbody needs to be warned about men specifically just to be careful out in these streets period.. Cause there's more decent men than strange men.. You dealt with what? maybe 30 guys who did these things to you.. I understand yo pain but at the same time it's toxic to think like that..

  • Are you afraid of men who you men in Uni? I mean your classmates. I don't think so.

    It's better safe than sorry. My parents didn't caution me against teachers, I guess, but they cautioned againt strangers male or female, but especially male.

    Why? because in my country, there are cases of women who hunt for the potential girl to abduct and rape her herself or give to a male rapist for exhange of money.

    I was okay with being stopped and asking for directions, now in big cities I don't answer and go on, because of the increased rates of aggression using that type of scenario, be it male or female.

    I don't think they teach you to be afraid of men, since your father as a man gives you those precautions themselves. I'mnot afraid of men or the occasional women, I'm cautious. That's a fine difference.

    Moreover why they don't give those same precautions to your brother, that is becasue he is obviously stronger than you. So agaisnt a male aggressor his chances of being safe are far greater.

  • My distrust has been built by personal experience.
    I've received counseling because I realized one day that I wasn't okay.
    I was starting to suffer from post traumatic stress syndrome.
    So I do apologize to all the nice guys because I know that there is more good out there than bad.

    • I don't think of myself as a nice guy but i will still accept your apology regardless 🙂 if that matters to you.

      Recently I'm undergoing the same thing (recovering from having had prejudice against women being hypergamous gold diggers).
      I have posted a question about it just yesterday.

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    • so you think that man are bad
      just because there are some bad man out there
      it does not speak for all of us

    • @alexei1000 I didn't say that at all.

  • Yes, it is very sad, but the truth is there are so many sexual predictors out there that you have to teach your children to be careful, even little boys are targets now a days.

    • it is sad but there are sexual predictors?
      are you justifying this?

  • Great take... i can relate to it to an extent as my brother and father are always warning me against it... but my mother is kinda cool about this situation.
    But you can't blame them too, we know where are they coming from, even though its a bit exaggerated reaction.

  • I was never taught that lesson. I don't think there's any need to really "fear" anybody, but we should all be a little cautious.

    • Absolutely. Everyone should have situational awareness wherever they go and with everyone they come in contact with. It's like an old Flight Chief I used to have would tell us every night before we went on shift: Greet everyone you meet with a handshake and a smile, but have a plan to kill everyone of them.

  • Great writing. Those things were told to me, too. That men will harm me if I am alone in night on the street. Men will do this, men aren't good, men are bad, stay away from men, etc.

    And I am like,

    But, they are just men. They are just people like us...

    Not all people are bad.

    • There really is a frustration about this because I know plenty of good men in my life. Men I love, men I trust, men I certainly don't fear, but when it comes to strangers, I don't believe it's wrong not to trust that they won't potentially harm you because they are a stranger. You can't know these things unless you get to know them, and walking alone at night trying to figure it out, isn't really the time, so I look over my shoulder, or walk with a friend, and practice precaution because the truth is we just can't know who's who all the time.

  • No one ever told me to be afraid of men, and i was not afraid. I as taught to be rational about my actions and i was. I did not walk round expecting to be attacked, i was just aware its a possibility bc i was well read and well informed politically.

    Every time something happened i was not thinking of men at all. I was careful about how i went about the city on my own but not defensive. Regardless,
    starting at age 11 men would follow me around on the metro & in cases touch me. I'd punch them or kick them. It ebbed& flowed but its never not been an issue. Not bc of carelessness or defensiveness or fear, but bc its an objective feature of culture, its not a feeling or a thing a woman does. Im not saying you are making that argument but i see guys trying to rationalize it --which is backwards & very dangerous.

  • I was never taught to fear men. I was taught to be careful around anyone, but not fear them.

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